The Long Hard Road Out of Hell 3/5
Title: The Long Hard Road Out of Hell
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 3 of 5
Genre: Smut, romance, angst
WARNINGS: drugs
Summary: Jung Yunho is a failure as a businessman. When he meets Kim Jaejoong, the avant-garde artist living his life not caring about other people's opinions, they hit rock bottom together. What does it take to stand up again, and will their love survive when all odds are against them?
A/N: and so the angst begins... ^^'
Chapter 3
The first time Jaejoong told Yunho he loved him was when Yunho had the blonde's cock in his mouth and fingers inside Jaejoong's ass. It was just incoherent mumbling but after Jaejoong had come and Yunho had swallowed everything - he didn't have any problems about Jaejoong being a guy anymore, Yunho asked him about it. They were lying in bed naked, having a lazy Sunday just smoking weed, having a few glasses of wine and some mind blowing sex.
"Did you mean it?" Yunho asked him, an arm around Jaejoong's shoulders and a joint in his hand, enjoying the smoke burning his throat.
"Mean what?" Jaejoong snuggled closer, stealing the cigarette from Yunho.
"You said you loved me when I was blowing you," Yunho grinned, the drug making everything so much funnier than it really was. Jaejoong was silent for a moment as he smoked, then throwing the butt to a wine glass near the bed.
"Maybe," Jaejoong told him giggling, reaching up for Yunho's face to kiss him. Their relationship was getting serious so fast and it bothered Yunho a little.
He had a hard time picturing a life together with another man, Yunho loved kids and truthfully - he wasn't ready to give them up yet. There was also the fact that eventually he was going to have to tell his mother and sister about Jaejoong, they were practically spending all of their time together at the moment. Yunho could already guess his mother's reaction, she would be shocked and certain that Yunho had HIV or something. Both of them were clean though, they had taken the test together just to make sure.
Living as a gay man wasn't any different than his life before had been, he was just fucking a guy and that was it. To Jaejoong though, it was already so much more. It wasn't that Yunho didn't love him, because he sure did, but the all consuming need Jaejoong had for him was a little suffocating.
"Don't try to change the subject," Yunho said while hugging Jaejoong closer,"Do you have feelings for me?"
"Of course I do," Jaejoong answered and trailed patterns to Yunho's chest with his fingers, he was a little shy to admit it to Yunho but he confessed anyway, "I do love you Yunho-yah. I love you more than anything."
"I love you too," Yunho smiled, his hand combing Jaejoong's bleached hair, "I'm really happy, but aren't we moving a bit fast? Like, I'm already almost living with you."
"Does it bother you?"
"Yes, to be honest," Yunho sighed, his hand stopping in Jaejoong's hair.
"Why?" Jaejoong sat up, looking at Yunho with wide eyes, shocked. He could feel his heart was about to break as he grabbed Yunho's hand.
"I just don't want to rush things. I'm afraid we'll run out of love if we keep going forward like this," Yunho tried to explain but Jaejoong wasn't listening.
"I'm always going to be in love with you," Jaejoong said flabbergasted, "I know it!"
"You can't know it babe," Yunho also sat up and caressed Jaejoong's arms, "You can never know what's going to happen."
"Stop it!" Jaejoong shouted, ripping his hands away from Yunho, "I'll lose everything if you leave me! I don't have anything but you... I can't even paint if I don't have you!"
"You have no idea how depressed I've been, I was so close to killing myself before you came along! You can't tell me you want to take a break Yunho, you just can't!"
"I'm not even trying to tell you that for God's sake, I love you!" Yunho shouted back, trying to grab a hold of the other man but Jaejoong stood up from the bed. He was shaking, pointing at Yunho and tears were running down his cheeks.
"What do you want from me Yunho!" Jaejoong cried.
"I want to be with you, I really do. But you're a mess Jaejoong-ah and you know it!" Yunho exhaled, telling him the thruth that had been bothering him, "What would you do if I died Jaejoong-ah? You can't predict anything."
"Don't say that Yunho-yah," Jaejoong sobbed, getting back into bed to hug the other man, "You're not going to die, we're going to be happy, so happy..."
Yunho swallowed a tight knot in his throat and wrapped his arms around Jaejoong, holding the sobbing man close to his heart. It hurt so much to see Jaejoong like that, he wanted to help the blonde but had no clue how. There was so much pressure and Yunho wasn't sure he could live up to the other man's expectations. Sure, he was faithful and Jaejoong was the only one he even wanted to be with, but Yunho didn't trust himself to truly make the other man happy.
The company wasn't doing good and Yunho blamed himself for it, his confidence wasn't he best either. He just didn't want to disappoint the other man, he had already disappointed so many people in his life and it kept Yunho awake at night. With the other man by his side, Yunho was able to sleep soundly. When there were no words, everything was perfect. He wasn't ready the lose the comfort being with Jaejoong provided him but it was getting harder and harder to be around the other man.
"Don't cry, I'm not going to leave you," Yunho whispered against Jaejoong's ear, "You mean the world to me, you're so beautiful Jaejoong-ah."
"T-thank you," Jaejoong said quietly, rubbing his face to Yunho's bare chest, "Don't ever scare me like that again."
"I won't," Yunho promised and kissed Jaejoong's forehead.
Yunho wondered how Jaejoong had gotten so lost. It was easy to lose yourself in such a big city, but Jaejoong was so out-going, a lovely person and just perfect in every way. The confidence Jaejoong had showed him when they met for the first time was all gone, Yunho hoped it was still somewhere inside the man in his arms. It was one of the things that had made Yunho fall in love with him and it was heart breaking to think the other man had lost it.
Yunho decided not to bring it up again, he didn't want to risk breaking Jaejoong. He could not take it if that happened, the other man had become his safe haven.
The thing that turned Yunho's life to a downward spiral, was when Jaejoong suggested taking ecstasy before they had sex.
Jaejoong danced his way to Yunho who was taking his clothes off after work, and put a small pill to the other's hand.
"Guess what this is?" Jaejoong told him happily when popping his pill to his mouth and then sitting next to Yunho on the bed.
"Vitamin C?" Yunho joked and pecked the other man's lips before taking the pill without asking any more questions. He trusted Jaejoong to know about drugs and Yunho wasn't clueless either, he'd tried his share of illegal things in college.
"It's E," Jaejoong whispered as sexily as he could, straddling Yunho and wrapping his arms around the business man's neck, "It will make everything so much more intense..."
"Are you implying our sex life is boring?" Yunho laughed, helping Jaejoong open the button's on his shirt.
"No, pabo," Jaejoong giggled and kissed Yunho's neck eagerly, "It's just that you can't exactly fuck me for hours and I'd really like that..."
"Can you even handle that?" Yunho laughed, the drug was already kicking in and making Jaejoong's lips on his neck feel like heaven.
"Of course, I love you and I love your cock," Jaejoong smirked and continued savoring Yunho's collarbones, "I can never get enough of it."
"Is that so?" Yunho mused while taking Jaejoong's shirt off, "I love you more."
"No, I love you more," Jaejoong giggled, the drug in his system making him feel so much more than usual as he kissed Yunho's lips.
"You know what, I don't think I've ever fucked you against the wall Joongie," Yunho grinned, gently opening Jaejoong's pants and starting to kiss his neck for a change.
"Uh, I like the sound of that..." Jaejoong smirked back and stood up from the bed, trying to escape from the other man but Yunho grabbed his waist and spun him around until Jaejoong's back hit the wall and Yunho was pinning him against it, roughly grabbing Jaejoong's wrists to press him against the hard surface.
"So wild," Jaejoong sniggered but was silenced when Yunho kissed his lips hungrily, tongue pushing inside his wet mouth to battle for dominance. Impatiently, Jaejoong pressed his leg between Yunho's thighs and tried to rub his crotch against it. Jaejoong felt Yunho's erection through the fabric of his jeans, it was already so hard and Jaejoong wanted to get it out.
With surprising strenght Jaejoong pulled his hands free from Yunho's hold and hurried to open the other man's pants, then sliding his hand into Yunho's boxers to take his cock out. Yunho moaned a little when Jaejoong started pumping it, the drug made him feel like his body was on fire with passion for the other man. The expression on Jaejoong's face was of concentration as he looked down at his hand stroking the taller man's cock, there was already a drop of pre-cum glistering at the tip and Jaejoong licked his lips.
"Your cock is so fucking perfect," Jaejoong moaned and breafly touched his lips to Yunho's, "I want to feel it inside me already."
It was still a little new to Yunho, they'd had sex hundreads of times but Yunho didn't feel like it was a routine, Jaejoong was always giving his everything to the other man when Yunho's cock spread him open. The ecstasy made Jaejoong even needier and he guided Yunho's hand to his behind inside his boxers, whimpering against the taller man's lips.
"Finger me Yunho, please," Jaejoong whined, trying to make the other man hurry up. Yunho was suprised to find the skin between Jaejoong's buttocks already slippery and he grinned, pushing two fingers inside the eager man.
"You prepared yourself," Yunho breathed in wonder, kissing the sensitive part under Jaejoong's ear, then nipping his earlobe a little. Jaejoong giggled when he felt Yunho's cock twitch in his hand, pleased to find out about Yunho liking what he had done.
"I couldn't wait, I was so horny," Jaejoong sniggered and let out a moan when Yunho turned him around to face the wall and teased his entrance with the head of his penis.
"That's good because I'm going to fuck you all night long," Yunho whispered and pushed inside the other's clenching hole in one go.
At first it was just for the fun, they could go at it for hours before collapsing on top of each other but soon, Jaejoong noticed Yunho was getting hooked. It never was his intention to use it for anything other than occasional marathons of fucking, but on one morning, Jaejoong noticed the small bag where he kept his drugs was almost empty.
Yunho had been taking pills even before he went to work and it scared the shit out of Jaejoong. Jaejoong spent the day crying, he felt he was the only one to blame. Drugs never were a way to escape for Jaejoong, but he knew Yunho had been feeling so much pressure coming from Jaejoong, it might have just triggered it. Jaejoong knew his love could be a little too much for most people, that was why all his ex-boyfriends had dumped him. That also was the reason why Jaejoong felt so insecure with the other man.
Determined to make it stop, Jaejoong flushed everything down the toilet. Even the weed had to go, Jaejoong didn't want to risk it. Yunho would probably be angy, but Jaejoong wanted to believe it wasn't at that stage yet. He regretted giving Yunho his dealer's phone number, what if Yunho decided to get stuff all by himself?
When Yunho got home that day, Jaejoong was waiting for him wearing an apron, dinner ready and served on top of a cardboard box.
"Whoah, what's the occasion?" Yunho asked as he took of his jacket and shoes, then making his way to sit on the floor.
"There's just one thing I want to talk about," Jaejoong said nervously and sat on the floor opposite of Yunho.
"What is it babe?" Yunho smirked and started to eat the chicken Jaejoong had cooked.
"It's just that... I noticed that my drugs were gone," Jaejoong said, fearing Yunho's reaction.
"Oh, I took them. I'll pay you back when I get the money, don't worry," Yunho smiled, "This chicken is really good."
"No, I don't want to do any more drugs. Am I too much Yunho-yah? Is that why you're taking the drugs?" Jaejoong wanted to know, still expecting Yunho to blow up at any minute.
"What? No, I just take them to get over the day, work is like hell nowadays," Yunho told him with his mouth full of rice.
"I promise I'm better Yunho-yah, haven't you noticed?" Jaejoong said, putting his chop sticks down, "I'm not that needy anymore, am I? There's no reason for you to take the drugs..."
"I told you that's not it! I have a headache, please don't start arguing now," Yunho groaned.
"That's why your work is suffering, you're high all the time!" Jaejoong shouted with tears in his voice, "I feel like it's my fault!"
"It's not your fault honey," Yunho sighed, "I'm not addicted, I swear."
"But," Jaejoong muttered as Yunho crawled closer to him, taking a hold of Jaejoong's face and kissing him deeply.
"Don't you think the sex is great when we're high?" Yunho asked while kissing Jaejoong's neck gently.
"It was the best I've ever had even before we took anything," Jaejoong mumbled trying to push Yunho away, "Just promise me you won't take anything anymore."
"Whatever, I promise babe, now let's get you out of this apron," Yunho mused against his neck and kissed Jaejoong again.
The next day on his way to work, Yunho went to see Jaejoong's dealer.
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: NC-17
Chapter: 3 of 5
Genre: Smut, romance, angst
WARNINGS: drugs
Summary: Jung Yunho is a failure as a businessman. When he meets Kim Jaejoong, the avant-garde artist living his life not caring about other people's opinions, they hit rock bottom together. What does it take to stand up again, and will their love survive when all odds are against them?
A/N: and so the angst begins... ^^'
Chapter 3
The first time Jaejoong told Yunho he loved him was when Yunho had the blonde's cock in his mouth and fingers inside Jaejoong's ass. It was just incoherent mumbling but after Jaejoong had come and Yunho had swallowed everything - he didn't have any problems about Jaejoong being a guy anymore, Yunho asked him about it. They were lying in bed naked, having a lazy Sunday just smoking weed, having a few glasses of wine and some mind blowing sex.
"Did you mean it?" Yunho asked him, an arm around Jaejoong's shoulders and a joint in his hand, enjoying the smoke burning his throat.
"Mean what?" Jaejoong snuggled closer, stealing the cigarette from Yunho.
"You said you loved me when I was blowing you," Yunho grinned, the drug making everything so much funnier than it really was. Jaejoong was silent for a moment as he smoked, then throwing the butt to a wine glass near the bed.
"Maybe," Jaejoong told him giggling, reaching up for Yunho's face to kiss him. Their relationship was getting serious so fast and it bothered Yunho a little.
He had a hard time picturing a life together with another man, Yunho loved kids and truthfully - he wasn't ready to give them up yet. There was also the fact that eventually he was going to have to tell his mother and sister about Jaejoong, they were practically spending all of their time together at the moment. Yunho could already guess his mother's reaction, she would be shocked and certain that Yunho had HIV or something. Both of them were clean though, they had taken the test together just to make sure.
Living as a gay man wasn't any different than his life before had been, he was just fucking a guy and that was it. To Jaejoong though, it was already so much more. It wasn't that Yunho didn't love him, because he sure did, but the all consuming need Jaejoong had for him was a little suffocating.
"Don't try to change the subject," Yunho said while hugging Jaejoong closer,"Do you have feelings for me?"
"Of course I do," Jaejoong answered and trailed patterns to Yunho's chest with his fingers, he was a little shy to admit it to Yunho but he confessed anyway, "I do love you Yunho-yah. I love you more than anything."
"I love you too," Yunho smiled, his hand combing Jaejoong's bleached hair, "I'm really happy, but aren't we moving a bit fast? Like, I'm already almost living with you."
"Does it bother you?"
"Yes, to be honest," Yunho sighed, his hand stopping in Jaejoong's hair.
"Why?" Jaejoong sat up, looking at Yunho with wide eyes, shocked. He could feel his heart was about to break as he grabbed Yunho's hand.
"I just don't want to rush things. I'm afraid we'll run out of love if we keep going forward like this," Yunho tried to explain but Jaejoong wasn't listening.
"I'm always going to be in love with you," Jaejoong said flabbergasted, "I know it!"
"You can't know it babe," Yunho also sat up and caressed Jaejoong's arms, "You can never know what's going to happen."
"Stop it!" Jaejoong shouted, ripping his hands away from Yunho, "I'll lose everything if you leave me! I don't have anything but you... I can't even paint if I don't have you!"
"You have no idea how depressed I've been, I was so close to killing myself before you came along! You can't tell me you want to take a break Yunho, you just can't!"
"I'm not even trying to tell you that for God's sake, I love you!" Yunho shouted back, trying to grab a hold of the other man but Jaejoong stood up from the bed. He was shaking, pointing at Yunho and tears were running down his cheeks.
"What do you want from me Yunho!" Jaejoong cried.
"I want to be with you, I really do. But you're a mess Jaejoong-ah and you know it!" Yunho exhaled, telling him the thruth that had been bothering him, "What would you do if I died Jaejoong-ah? You can't predict anything."
"Don't say that Yunho-yah," Jaejoong sobbed, getting back into bed to hug the other man, "You're not going to die, we're going to be happy, so happy..."
Yunho swallowed a tight knot in his throat and wrapped his arms around Jaejoong, holding the sobbing man close to his heart. It hurt so much to see Jaejoong like that, he wanted to help the blonde but had no clue how. There was so much pressure and Yunho wasn't sure he could live up to the other man's expectations. Sure, he was faithful and Jaejoong was the only one he even wanted to be with, but Yunho didn't trust himself to truly make the other man happy.
The company wasn't doing good and Yunho blamed himself for it, his confidence wasn't he best either. He just didn't want to disappoint the other man, he had already disappointed so many people in his life and it kept Yunho awake at night. With the other man by his side, Yunho was able to sleep soundly. When there were no words, everything was perfect. He wasn't ready the lose the comfort being with Jaejoong provided him but it was getting harder and harder to be around the other man.
"Don't cry, I'm not going to leave you," Yunho whispered against Jaejoong's ear, "You mean the world to me, you're so beautiful Jaejoong-ah."
"T-thank you," Jaejoong said quietly, rubbing his face to Yunho's bare chest, "Don't ever scare me like that again."
"I won't," Yunho promised and kissed Jaejoong's forehead.
Yunho wondered how Jaejoong had gotten so lost. It was easy to lose yourself in such a big city, but Jaejoong was so out-going, a lovely person and just perfect in every way. The confidence Jaejoong had showed him when they met for the first time was all gone, Yunho hoped it was still somewhere inside the man in his arms. It was one of the things that had made Yunho fall in love with him and it was heart breaking to think the other man had lost it.
Yunho decided not to bring it up again, he didn't want to risk breaking Jaejoong. He could not take it if that happened, the other man had become his safe haven.
The thing that turned Yunho's life to a downward spiral, was when Jaejoong suggested taking ecstasy before they had sex.
Jaejoong danced his way to Yunho who was taking his clothes off after work, and put a small pill to the other's hand.
"Guess what this is?" Jaejoong told him happily when popping his pill to his mouth and then sitting next to Yunho on the bed.
"Vitamin C?" Yunho joked and pecked the other man's lips before taking the pill without asking any more questions. He trusted Jaejoong to know about drugs and Yunho wasn't clueless either, he'd tried his share of illegal things in college.
"It's E," Jaejoong whispered as sexily as he could, straddling Yunho and wrapping his arms around the business man's neck, "It will make everything so much more intense..."
"Are you implying our sex life is boring?" Yunho laughed, helping Jaejoong open the button's on his shirt.
"No, pabo," Jaejoong giggled and kissed Yunho's neck eagerly, "It's just that you can't exactly fuck me for hours and I'd really like that..."
"Can you even handle that?" Yunho laughed, the drug was already kicking in and making Jaejoong's lips on his neck feel like heaven.
"Of course, I love you and I love your cock," Jaejoong smirked and continued savoring Yunho's collarbones, "I can never get enough of it."
"Is that so?" Yunho mused while taking Jaejoong's shirt off, "I love you more."
"No, I love you more," Jaejoong giggled, the drug in his system making him feel so much more than usual as he kissed Yunho's lips.
"You know what, I don't think I've ever fucked you against the wall Joongie," Yunho grinned, gently opening Jaejoong's pants and starting to kiss his neck for a change.
"Uh, I like the sound of that..." Jaejoong smirked back and stood up from the bed, trying to escape from the other man but Yunho grabbed his waist and spun him around until Jaejoong's back hit the wall and Yunho was pinning him against it, roughly grabbing Jaejoong's wrists to press him against the hard surface.
"So wild," Jaejoong sniggered but was silenced when Yunho kissed his lips hungrily, tongue pushing inside his wet mouth to battle for dominance. Impatiently, Jaejoong pressed his leg between Yunho's thighs and tried to rub his crotch against it. Jaejoong felt Yunho's erection through the fabric of his jeans, it was already so hard and Jaejoong wanted to get it out.
With surprising strenght Jaejoong pulled his hands free from Yunho's hold and hurried to open the other man's pants, then sliding his hand into Yunho's boxers to take his cock out. Yunho moaned a little when Jaejoong started pumping it, the drug made him feel like his body was on fire with passion for the other man. The expression on Jaejoong's face was of concentration as he looked down at his hand stroking the taller man's cock, there was already a drop of pre-cum glistering at the tip and Jaejoong licked his lips.
"Your cock is so fucking perfect," Jaejoong moaned and breafly touched his lips to Yunho's, "I want to feel it inside me already."
It was still a little new to Yunho, they'd had sex hundreads of times but Yunho didn't feel like it was a routine, Jaejoong was always giving his everything to the other man when Yunho's cock spread him open. The ecstasy made Jaejoong even needier and he guided Yunho's hand to his behind inside his boxers, whimpering against the taller man's lips.
"Finger me Yunho, please," Jaejoong whined, trying to make the other man hurry up. Yunho was suprised to find the skin between Jaejoong's buttocks already slippery and he grinned, pushing two fingers inside the eager man.
"You prepared yourself," Yunho breathed in wonder, kissing the sensitive part under Jaejoong's ear, then nipping his earlobe a little. Jaejoong giggled when he felt Yunho's cock twitch in his hand, pleased to find out about Yunho liking what he had done.
"I couldn't wait, I was so horny," Jaejoong sniggered and let out a moan when Yunho turned him around to face the wall and teased his entrance with the head of his penis.
"That's good because I'm going to fuck you all night long," Yunho whispered and pushed inside the other's clenching hole in one go.
At first it was just for the fun, they could go at it for hours before collapsing on top of each other but soon, Jaejoong noticed Yunho was getting hooked. It never was his intention to use it for anything other than occasional marathons of fucking, but on one morning, Jaejoong noticed the small bag where he kept his drugs was almost empty.
Yunho had been taking pills even before he went to work and it scared the shit out of Jaejoong. Jaejoong spent the day crying, he felt he was the only one to blame. Drugs never were a way to escape for Jaejoong, but he knew Yunho had been feeling so much pressure coming from Jaejoong, it might have just triggered it. Jaejoong knew his love could be a little too much for most people, that was why all his ex-boyfriends had dumped him. That also was the reason why Jaejoong felt so insecure with the other man.
Determined to make it stop, Jaejoong flushed everything down the toilet. Even the weed had to go, Jaejoong didn't want to risk it. Yunho would probably be angy, but Jaejoong wanted to believe it wasn't at that stage yet. He regretted giving Yunho his dealer's phone number, what if Yunho decided to get stuff all by himself?
When Yunho got home that day, Jaejoong was waiting for him wearing an apron, dinner ready and served on top of a cardboard box.
"Whoah, what's the occasion?" Yunho asked as he took of his jacket and shoes, then making his way to sit on the floor.
"There's just one thing I want to talk about," Jaejoong said nervously and sat on the floor opposite of Yunho.
"What is it babe?" Yunho smirked and started to eat the chicken Jaejoong had cooked.
"It's just that... I noticed that my drugs were gone," Jaejoong said, fearing Yunho's reaction.
"Oh, I took them. I'll pay you back when I get the money, don't worry," Yunho smiled, "This chicken is really good."
"No, I don't want to do any more drugs. Am I too much Yunho-yah? Is that why you're taking the drugs?" Jaejoong wanted to know, still expecting Yunho to blow up at any minute.
"What? No, I just take them to get over the day, work is like hell nowadays," Yunho told him with his mouth full of rice.
"I promise I'm better Yunho-yah, haven't you noticed?" Jaejoong said, putting his chop sticks down, "I'm not that needy anymore, am I? There's no reason for you to take the drugs..."
"I told you that's not it! I have a headache, please don't start arguing now," Yunho groaned.
"That's why your work is suffering, you're high all the time!" Jaejoong shouted with tears in his voice, "I feel like it's my fault!"
"It's not your fault honey," Yunho sighed, "I'm not addicted, I swear."
"But," Jaejoong muttered as Yunho crawled closer to him, taking a hold of Jaejoong's face and kissing him deeply.
"Don't you think the sex is great when we're high?" Yunho asked while kissing Jaejoong's neck gently.
"It was the best I've ever had even before we took anything," Jaejoong mumbled trying to push Yunho away, "Just promise me you won't take anything anymore."
"Whatever, I promise babe, now let's get you out of this apron," Yunho mused against his neck and kissed Jaejoong again.
The next day on his way to work, Yunho went to see Jaejoong's dealer.