I've cried too much over you...
So this semester has been nothing short of awful. I've felt overwhelmed, ignored, lost, stressed, replaced, confused, misunderstood, and out of place. Now I know I'm easily stressed out, but this has just been ridiculous and my self-esteem has taken quite a beating (I'm ashamed to admit...).
Whenever I feel upset about stuff, or even when I'm happy about things, I talk to my best friend. But this semester has been busy for him too, and as a result I feel like I've literally talked to him only a few times in months. Before this, we talked nearly every single day, whether it be full conversations (serious or hilarious), fb comments, or random texts. Now I have nothing. The last time I actually saw him in person was nearly two months ago, and he only lives fifteen minutes from me. I know he's busy, I know I'm busy, but I need him to be there. Is that ridiculous for me to say?
I feel like a whiny, melodramatic teen. I'm mentally regressing! But one of the few people I talk to about the huge stresses in my life isn't around anymore. I want to tell him that I'm really hurting, but I don't want to guilt him. I can't put that kind of pressure on him and mislead him into thinking that I'll spontaneously combust if he's not talking to me. That's not what I want at all. But there have been so many times when I've tried to talk to him and gotten no response (which usually means he's doing something and not able to respond) and then just started crying because I didn't know what to do anymore. My stress has been doubled because everything goes from "How do I deal with this?! I need to talk to someone!" to "I can't even talk to anyone!" I feel rejected, I've even hyperventilated, and I know that I shouldn't. He's not ignoring me, he just has a lot going on (I HATE HOW MUCH TIME HIS BAND STUFF TAKES UP!!). I don't want to be feeling like this and I don't understand why it's happening now when it never has before.
Of the two of us, he's the rational one. It sounds stupid and overly dependent, but I need him to tell me that things are going to be okay. Some days I just want a freaking hug and I can't even have that, and then I just end up crying again. I'm so sick of crying...
Whenever I feel upset about stuff, or even when I'm happy about things, I talk to my best friend. But this semester has been busy for him too, and as a result I feel like I've literally talked to him only a few times in months. Before this, we talked nearly every single day, whether it be full conversations (serious or hilarious), fb comments, or random texts. Now I have nothing. The last time I actually saw him in person was nearly two months ago, and he only lives fifteen minutes from me. I know he's busy, I know I'm busy, but I need him to be there. Is that ridiculous for me to say?
I feel like a whiny, melodramatic teen. I'm mentally regressing! But one of the few people I talk to about the huge stresses in my life isn't around anymore. I want to tell him that I'm really hurting, but I don't want to guilt him. I can't put that kind of pressure on him and mislead him into thinking that I'll spontaneously combust if he's not talking to me. That's not what I want at all. But there have been so many times when I've tried to talk to him and gotten no response (which usually means he's doing something and not able to respond) and then just started crying because I didn't know what to do anymore. My stress has been doubled because everything goes from "How do I deal with this?! I need to talk to someone!" to "I can't even talk to anyone!" I feel rejected, I've even hyperventilated, and I know that I shouldn't. He's not ignoring me, he just has a lot going on (I HATE HOW MUCH TIME HIS BAND STUFF TAKES UP!!). I don't want to be feeling like this and I don't understand why it's happening now when it never has before.
Of the two of us, he's the rational one. It sounds stupid and overly dependent, but I need him to tell me that things are going to be okay. Some days I just want a freaking hug and I can't even have that, and then I just end up crying again. I'm so sick of crying...