Looking Back
I seriously hate that I sound so emo on here. I don't think about this stuff all the time, it just seems like it because it's one of the few things that I always feel I need to write about for my own emotional well-being.
Today, I saw one of my childhood friends' new profile pics. It was one of him kissing his girlfriend. First two thoughts: "This girl looks slutty!" and "Wow, when did he get so ripped?" And then all of a sudden I was crying. I hate when I do that, I really do.
The two of us, along with his un-identical twin brother used to be best friends growing up. We lived across the street from each other and played together every day. I probably spent at least half of my childhood either in their basement or in their backyard. We did everything together and had more sleepovers than I can count. We made movies, played video games, played Batman and Power Rangers, went to the movies and park, played sports, and even talked about making a band (though I was too shy to ever consider actually doing it at the time). Needless to say, I think that's one of the things I miss most about my childhood. I even miss all the fights we used to have...
Like a lot of old friendships, we grew apart. I was two years ahead of them in school (even though I was only one year older than them), so middle school gave me less time to spend with them. They entered the phase where they preferred hanging out with only guys. By the time I was almost done with high school, I was lucky if I even saw them, much less talked to them (especially considering that we went to different high schools). If there were any reason that I would've gone to my normal high school instead, that would have been it.
I was closer to them than any of my other friends and it absolutely kills me that I never get to see them anymore. It's not your usual "oh, things were so much easier back then" kind of thoughts. It's more like... well, honestly, I can't really explain it. It just plain sucks and this isn't the first time I've thought about it. I am able to talk to them every now and then online, and we talk as if nothing's changed, but I know that things have changed.
I also started thinking about how the one boy was actually my first kiss. Whenever I tell the story to my friends now, I downplay it and make it seem like we thought it was a funny game, but the truth is, I wanted to do it. He and I were talking in his treehouse about how we hadn't had a sleepover in awhile and he said he'd ask if I could stay over if I kissed him. We made sure no one could see through the windows and kissed right on the lips (yeah, that was a big deal as kids). I can't remember for sure, but I think we may have done that more than once afterwards. Somehow his brother found out and he started teasing us (yes, with the "kissing in a tree" chant). Whenever I think about back then, I wonder if he remembers all of that...
Honestly, the more I see him online, the more I think about all of this, and it's nothing short of heartbreaking. I miss him and his brother. I miss seeing them everyday and always having them to talk to. I miss forming clubs with them and my little sister and their little brother. I miss teasing each other and all the arguments that we had and quickly got over. I miss having bonfires with our families and running around in the dark. And I HATE that we're in different worlds even though they still live across the street and even though we're just more mature versions of the exact same people we were when we were little.
Today, I saw one of my childhood friends' new profile pics. It was one of him kissing his girlfriend. First two thoughts: "This girl looks slutty!" and "Wow, when did he get so ripped?" And then all of a sudden I was crying. I hate when I do that, I really do.
The two of us, along with his un-identical twin brother used to be best friends growing up. We lived across the street from each other and played together every day. I probably spent at least half of my childhood either in their basement or in their backyard. We did everything together and had more sleepovers than I can count. We made movies, played video games, played Batman and Power Rangers, went to the movies and park, played sports, and even talked about making a band (though I was too shy to ever consider actually doing it at the time). Needless to say, I think that's one of the things I miss most about my childhood. I even miss all the fights we used to have...
Like a lot of old friendships, we grew apart. I was two years ahead of them in school (even though I was only one year older than them), so middle school gave me less time to spend with them. They entered the phase where they preferred hanging out with only guys. By the time I was almost done with high school, I was lucky if I even saw them, much less talked to them (especially considering that we went to different high schools). If there were any reason that I would've gone to my normal high school instead, that would have been it.
I was closer to them than any of my other friends and it absolutely kills me that I never get to see them anymore. It's not your usual "oh, things were so much easier back then" kind of thoughts. It's more like... well, honestly, I can't really explain it. It just plain sucks and this isn't the first time I've thought about it. I am able to talk to them every now and then online, and we talk as if nothing's changed, but I know that things have changed.
I also started thinking about how the one boy was actually my first kiss. Whenever I tell the story to my friends now, I downplay it and make it seem like we thought it was a funny game, but the truth is, I wanted to do it. He and I were talking in his treehouse about how we hadn't had a sleepover in awhile and he said he'd ask if I could stay over if I kissed him. We made sure no one could see through the windows and kissed right on the lips (yeah, that was a big deal as kids). I can't remember for sure, but I think we may have done that more than once afterwards. Somehow his brother found out and he started teasing us (yes, with the "kissing in a tree" chant). Whenever I think about back then, I wonder if he remembers all of that...
Honestly, the more I see him online, the more I think about all of this, and it's nothing short of heartbreaking. I miss him and his brother. I miss seeing them everyday and always having them to talk to. I miss forming clubs with them and my little sister and their little brother. I miss teasing each other and all the arguments that we had and quickly got over. I miss having bonfires with our families and running around in the dark. And I HATE that we're in different worlds even though they still live across the street and even though we're just more mature versions of the exact same people we were when we were little.