Aug 27, 2006 02:36
today. was long. was a disappointment. is almost over.
-finished another stage in my room. might be painting tomorrow.
-applied for some more jobs. going to 3 places monday, 2 vet's offices and one bank to apply in person.
-cleaned out, vaccuumed, got the stains out of the upholstery, and washed my car.
-got a new cd player for my car.
-walked the trails at A.J. Henry with Katie. we're gonna do the ravine tomorrow. she's staying the night. we're gonna watch a movie in a lil bit, the butterfly effect i think.
-got all dressed up and went to brothers. met this really wierd guy Tony that A. asked for money ($1 to be percise) B. told us he was a freestyler from Miami but could only "freestyle" T.I. and C. wouldn't leave us alone. we met some friends from myspace, Lonzo and Tyler, but when we found out cover was $9, we left. were gonna head over to a party with Britt, but it was getting late so we went to steak n shake. apparently matt got fired (?) from there according to Jackay. but we're home now. *sigh* i was really looking forward to dancing it's been sooo long.
i feel kinda bad. eating today gave me a really strong guilty feeling. i didn't drink but maybe 2 sips of the milkshake, so i brought it home to rita. i ate my turkey sanwhich but didn't finish the fries. still, i feel horrible. as soon as i thought of him, my appetite was gone. i'm barely hungry these days. i don't force myself. it worries me a little.
there's nothing more to say. a little good, a little bad. life, i guess. i can remember when it felt so good. like he was always in the back of my mind, no matter what else happened. why couldn't i see it before? i keep thinking, what if he's completely happy right now, without me? what if i was only holding him down? i should have never been so controlling... regret's a very, very bitter taste.