Summer is over for me
Everything is quieter in my head. I was so angry tonight. At my self mostley but some at him. He doesnt see me at my happiest and not at my saddest. Hes not looking. Im stuck in this house alone not trusting anything in life. I was suppose to go out but was so late, anxiety took over. Instead I went to bed angry. Now its 4 am and I feel better. No one needs me.... No one sees me but no one is looking.....less depressing. Trying to find rythym in this world when im always just out of tune.
On a different note my whole obbsession with sex lately has finally calmed down. I now just wanna blame my body for being a girl. I do believe the lexapro they gave me made me really indulge into such urges. Its been out of my system for at least three months now. This week i've felt focused and better about getting back to myself. Yeah I pretty much had a panic attack about leaving the house but hey....they were just my sisters friends and on that note i might want to put this out there. It looks like my sister is the popular girl in high(elementry) school. Knows everyone, in all social groups and all the moms love her. She is beautiful in the force that she is. I am to live my life in her shadow but i am completly ok with that. Some people dont ever know such a giving soul. Grateful I am.