ME AGAIN
I sit here with my son all day.
to tired to leave the house
I don't like the brightness, I always feel better in the dark cause then the people I don't want to see me don't see me.
am I punishing him.
am I giving him the same burden.
and I wanna scream for help but everytime someone offers I shove it away because it makes me feel intrusive.
I wanted from the certain people in my life. I get from people who barely know me and it's weird... I want help fromt he comfortable if that makes sense...
so....
I lean on my husband.
and he doesnt lean back.
he barley looks at me.
if i'm in a room he leaves. it fucken south park that much better then me.
even part of me thinks so.
he comes home from work he so angry. He yells at andrew and I always feel i'm next.
so I try, cook him a good dinner, clean house, roll him one up and stay out of his way when he's mad. I make him feel like a man when he's bummed, I try and take his pain away when it hurts.
at yet.
I'm hear in tears..... alone....
my day is the same
wake up
feed them
dress them
clean them
feed them again
play with them
and at the end of the day I'm so happy to have my son I look at him and i'm proud of him, it's the only thing i'm proud of, him and the son i'm carring now. were thinking Eli for the name.
I know one day they leave me, there not my friends there my children. I cant believe that after years cause I know I will get hurt. So it brings me back to this..... alone......
I've gained 100 lbs since we married. Were making babies so no one cares. But it hurts me so bad. I don't like me, and he wont even hold me.
I'm a sexual person, I crave it, I need it but I can wait...but this.... to not even hold me.
I'm a passionate person .....the only passion I feel is when I close my eyes at night.... sometimes I want my nightmares... they make me feel things
pain, hate, love, revenge........beautiful....I miss that though... dreams arnt reality
to tired to leave the house
I don't like the brightness, I always feel better in the dark cause then the people I don't want to see me don't see me.
am I punishing him.
am I giving him the same burden.
and I wanna scream for help but everytime someone offers I shove it away because it makes me feel intrusive.
I wanted from the certain people in my life. I get from people who barely know me and it's weird... I want help fromt he comfortable if that makes sense...
so....
I lean on my husband.
and he doesnt lean back.
he barley looks at me.
if i'm in a room he leaves. it fucken south park that much better then me.
even part of me thinks so.
he comes home from work he so angry. He yells at andrew and I always feel i'm next.
so I try, cook him a good dinner, clean house, roll him one up and stay out of his way when he's mad. I make him feel like a man when he's bummed, I try and take his pain away when it hurts.
at yet.
I'm hear in tears..... alone....
my day is the same
wake up
feed them
dress them
clean them
feed them again
play with them
and at the end of the day I'm so happy to have my son I look at him and i'm proud of him, it's the only thing i'm proud of, him and the son i'm carring now. were thinking Eli for the name.
I know one day they leave me, there not my friends there my children. I cant believe that after years cause I know I will get hurt. So it brings me back to this..... alone......
I've gained 100 lbs since we married. Were making babies so no one cares. But it hurts me so bad. I don't like me, and he wont even hold me.
I'm a sexual person, I crave it, I need it but I can wait...but this.... to not even hold me.
I'm a passionate person .....the only passion I feel is when I close my eyes at night.... sometimes I want my nightmares... they make me feel things
pain, hate, love, revenge........beautiful....I miss that though... dreams arnt reality