Lee
Description of one of my ex-lovers...
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Lee
You don’t seem to realise it, but whenever you are alone with me your body language changes. Your expression, the way you talk to me, everything. And not always in the same ways. Sometimes you get more nervous, and sometimes you get more comfortable. Sometimes it seems like you were holding your affection for me in while there were others around and you let it out once they’re gone. Other times you seem scared of what you might do once you’re alone with me and you hold yourself in even more tightly. You were less scared of casually touching me last night; and your touch is electric to me. We could so easily have kissed, there on the couch. You talk more vehemently of your love for your girlfriend, whichever one, as if to convince yourself that you are wholly with them, when we both know you should be with me.
The last time, the only time, we were together, your body fit mine so perfectly. Your favourite positions were mine, your kisses divine. You loved my ministrations upon your dick. You. Loved. It. That was so good. And you loved to watch me make myself come. You loved to watch. Your eyes were wide, staring at my face, and your hard dick was pressed so tight against me. You couldn’t wait to take me. Your breathing was ragged and your thrusts against my side were fervid as your desperation to enter me grew, but you couldn’t take your eyes of me. It was like you had never seen a real orgasm before. But when you did take me, you were so careful not to hurt me. I would love to have had the chance to let you get rough with me, to come with you inside me. I cannot begin to explain how much I would love you to make me come. I know how much you would enjoy that. I know how much you love giving. You loved the sounds I made and your reactions begged me to be as loud as I needed, much to your flatmate’s chagrin.
Having you near me is difficult, as your mere presence sends me all aquiver. The thought of you watching me come in your arms makes me moan involuntarily whenever I think of it. Your smile, your smell, your movements, your voice all make me melt a little more. And your gentlemanly way makes me smile but also frustrates the hell out of me. You will never make a move. You never want to hurt anyone.
I wanted you from the first time we met, at Halloween. She got between us then and has done ever since. As I got to know you later, lust turned quickly to love. I love you, but I am also in love with you. Desperately. By the time we travelled together I was a tight ball of static electric desire wrapped in platitudes and politeness. And so were you. You were just too gentlemanly to admit it. I have never been so obsessed with another human being in my life. Maybe it’s a symptom of old age. I have only ever acted on an adulterous urge that once, such was your effect upon me. I have made my feelings for you patently clear on many occasions, so I can see no other logical reason for your lack of action but that you do not want me. But I don’t believe that. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part. Maybe I see things that aren’t really there.
I am more ‘at one’ with my feelings for you now. I have put you away in what someone once indelicately called my ‘spank bank’. I have not stopped feeling or hoping, I’m just not expecting anything. I know that to expect anything of you is unrealistic and should remain the stuff of fantasy. I was angry for a while that you couldn’t, or wouldn’t, see the opportunity that was right in front of you. But once I realised that I could not make any expectations of you, the disorganised one, I began to understand that it was futile.
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