scarred existance...ugh.
shit has been hard to deal with lately. the toddler in my lap is squirming and i want to not raise my voice to her and i want to not yell and i want to be nice and patient and understanding and caring. i love this kids so much; they are hell.
it's been hard not to cry. i feel bad because when i cry folks around me feel like they need to overcompensate or make it better or they get guilty...man. i'm just crying. i don't know why but it's okay. i feel real when i'm cry.
i've taken to wearing dark glasses. it feels safe.
i keep meaning to come and record and spill...but i am drouted. i am all dried up. i find it labourous to spek, much lass to have something pretty to say. but i thought maybe...
maybe in a year's time lisa and i will move to portland and have a child. and maybe that would be okay.
i want to find caitlin and not have to talk. maybe she can see into my eyes and find something there that she can press her weathered palm against...
pieces of whole is all i can hope for.
it's been hard not to cry. i feel bad because when i cry folks around me feel like they need to overcompensate or make it better or they get guilty...man. i'm just crying. i don't know why but it's okay. i feel real when i'm cry.
i've taken to wearing dark glasses. it feels safe.
i keep meaning to come and record and spill...but i am drouted. i am all dried up. i find it labourous to spek, much lass to have something pretty to say. but i thought maybe...
maybe in a year's time lisa and i will move to portland and have a child. and maybe that would be okay.
i want to find caitlin and not have to talk. maybe she can see into my eyes and find something there that she can press her weathered palm against...
pieces of whole is all i can hope for.