so many things.
i feel so many things about my life right now...it's hard to remain consistant in the expression on my face or to know whats about to hit me.
saturday was a gorgeous day. kat and i got up and looked at some apartments, then hit perkins for some grub. after we'd gotten back to suzee's we raked the front yard and all the bulavards and bagged up all the leaves. there was a man raking across the street and kat said, "that's not fair! that man is raking those leaves so his kids can jump in them and get them all over the yard and then he'll rake them up again! i want to jump in leaves!" and we knew, again, that we're not little kids any more. (we still raced to rake up each individual half of the yard. kat won. by a tiny little bit.)
i watched john q. w/ lise and then char came by and kat came down from the cave of working on her astron paper and we cut up punpkins and played scattergories and roasted the seeds and laughed a lot. mostly it was alright, although things with lisa are difficult. i don't know what i should do. i think we can be friends, i would like for us to stay friends, but i can sleep with her, not when things are like this, i don't want to touch her, i don't want her to touch me.
i have so little respect for her left. it makes me sad. i wonder if it can be repaired? i don't know.
i wonder why i don't just cut myself off from her. for s month, maybe many. i wouldn't be so hard. but something in me says no.
yesterday afternoon i cleaned house and drank a lot of beer. then i went out with rebex and zev and it was nice.
bay is at my feet right now, being tossed around in his rocky car seat by my right ankle. kal is napping and lyssi is with matt and things are quiet but still moving fast. i want to take lyssi and kal to a movie this evening, but we'll have to see. see about everything. i wonder if they could sit through all of one or if they're young? maybe we should just stay in and plan it for a different night.
when i haven't sen the kids for a whole two days, they always look smaller. everytime. monday is the day of the small children. i guess you can forget how big they really are, i mean, when you count up everything, evry facial expression, every catch phrase, every gurgle, everything...
there are so many things inside of them.
saturday was a gorgeous day. kat and i got up and looked at some apartments, then hit perkins for some grub. after we'd gotten back to suzee's we raked the front yard and all the bulavards and bagged up all the leaves. there was a man raking across the street and kat said, "that's not fair! that man is raking those leaves so his kids can jump in them and get them all over the yard and then he'll rake them up again! i want to jump in leaves!" and we knew, again, that we're not little kids any more. (we still raced to rake up each individual half of the yard. kat won. by a tiny little bit.)
i watched john q. w/ lise and then char came by and kat came down from the cave of working on her astron paper and we cut up punpkins and played scattergories and roasted the seeds and laughed a lot. mostly it was alright, although things with lisa are difficult. i don't know what i should do. i think we can be friends, i would like for us to stay friends, but i can sleep with her, not when things are like this, i don't want to touch her, i don't want her to touch me.
i have so little respect for her left. it makes me sad. i wonder if it can be repaired? i don't know.
i wonder why i don't just cut myself off from her. for s month, maybe many. i wouldn't be so hard. but something in me says no.
yesterday afternoon i cleaned house and drank a lot of beer. then i went out with rebex and zev and it was nice.
bay is at my feet right now, being tossed around in his rocky car seat by my right ankle. kal is napping and lyssi is with matt and things are quiet but still moving fast. i want to take lyssi and kal to a movie this evening, but we'll have to see. see about everything. i wonder if they could sit through all of one or if they're young? maybe we should just stay in and plan it for a different night.
when i haven't sen the kids for a whole two days, they always look smaller. everytime. monday is the day of the small children. i guess you can forget how big they really are, i mean, when you count up everything, evry facial expression, every catch phrase, every gurgle, everything...
there are so many things inside of them.