(no subject)
Christ, I don't see how things can get much worse for me right now. I've hit the valley's before, but never for this long. I don't know what to do about it either. I've never felt so hopeless.
Sunday: Akwardness as Doug left, and I tend to find Sundays depressing anyway.
Monday: One of the major base ITN's went down, then the physical security incident that night. NCC resumes 24/7 ops.
Tuesday: Report at 0600 for incident. Comm support requirements for next week's Phase II exercise. Maj Beard makes my life miserable.
Wednesday: More jumping through hoops for the exercise (still Maj Beard's arena.) Wed evening, massive CMI. I don't leave work until 10 dealing with it.
Thursday: Fallout from CMI. Commanders refusing to believe content is classified, all of USAFE getting involved to figure it out, calling me directly. Per Maj Beard, Capt McNeile tearing into me for Comm support. Capt Abate engages, makes him apologize. Col Lawhead gunning for me. It's right about at this point the stress finally reaches a level where I had to lock myself in my office to deal with it. Thursday evening, another CMI.
Friday: Yet more issues with Comm support. Still sorting out first CMI, and discovering one individual involved with the second CMI refuses to take his computer off the net and run BCWipe. States infomation was not classified. We had already talked to the USAFE NATO folks who determined info to be NATO restricted, which cannot run over unclass lines. Drama resolving that. Probably the least stressful day of my week, and I'm still running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
The job I'm filling right now (OIC, NCC) for our base is a Captain's billet, and I'm feeling why. I need to learn how to deal with this type of stress, but compounded with my social issues, it's a tough lesson. The stress itself isn't so bad. The part that I'm struggling with is this: I lock it away so I can face my troops calm and collected, but unlike my other emotions, stress won't be forgotten. It keeps building until I can't deal. And then I need to lock myself up alone and deal with it the same. All week when I could actually tear myself away for lunch, my friends had already gone without me. The Trier guys don't even give me the courtesy of letting me know when they're going, and the other squadron LT's don't either. I mentioned my frustration to Dan one day, and right after the Col Lawhead thing, he actually brought me food. I think that was the first time I was able to eat lunch all week. In hindsight the issues aren't so bad, but navigating them at the time is hellacious.
Tonight, I just wanted to go out and de-stress. And of course I can't get ahold of anyone. Anyone at all. And I'll be damned if I stoop to the point of going to the pub by myself. So I sit here alone and wonder why I don't have any friends I can count on. I miss Lisa. I miss Kristine. I miss people who gave a damn and would be there for me.
Sunday: Akwardness as Doug left, and I tend to find Sundays depressing anyway.
Monday: One of the major base ITN's went down, then the physical security incident that night. NCC resumes 24/7 ops.
Tuesday: Report at 0600 for incident. Comm support requirements for next week's Phase II exercise. Maj Beard makes my life miserable.
Wednesday: More jumping through hoops for the exercise (still Maj Beard's arena.) Wed evening, massive CMI. I don't leave work until 10 dealing with it.
Thursday: Fallout from CMI. Commanders refusing to believe content is classified, all of USAFE getting involved to figure it out, calling me directly. Per Maj Beard, Capt McNeile tearing into me for Comm support. Capt Abate engages, makes him apologize. Col Lawhead gunning for me. It's right about at this point the stress finally reaches a level where I had to lock myself in my office to deal with it. Thursday evening, another CMI.
Friday: Yet more issues with Comm support. Still sorting out first CMI, and discovering one individual involved with the second CMI refuses to take his computer off the net and run BCWipe. States infomation was not classified. We had already talked to the USAFE NATO folks who determined info to be NATO restricted, which cannot run over unclass lines. Drama resolving that. Probably the least stressful day of my week, and I'm still running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
The job I'm filling right now (OIC, NCC) for our base is a Captain's billet, and I'm feeling why. I need to learn how to deal with this type of stress, but compounded with my social issues, it's a tough lesson. The stress itself isn't so bad. The part that I'm struggling with is this: I lock it away so I can face my troops calm and collected, but unlike my other emotions, stress won't be forgotten. It keeps building until I can't deal. And then I need to lock myself up alone and deal with it the same. All week when I could actually tear myself away for lunch, my friends had already gone without me. The Trier guys don't even give me the courtesy of letting me know when they're going, and the other squadron LT's don't either. I mentioned my frustration to Dan one day, and right after the Col Lawhead thing, he actually brought me food. I think that was the first time I was able to eat lunch all week. In hindsight the issues aren't so bad, but navigating them at the time is hellacious.
Tonight, I just wanted to go out and de-stress. And of course I can't get ahold of anyone. Anyone at all. And I'll be damned if I stoop to the point of going to the pub by myself. So I sit here alone and wonder why I don't have any friends I can count on. I miss Lisa. I miss Kristine. I miss people who gave a damn and would be there for me.