so many yesterdays
So I've spent my day thinking.
I'm sorry for the drivel I wrote yesterday, but it seems I'm just not as good at putting my feelings on paper as I used to be.
Carrying boxes at work is good for thinking, I feel. Anyhow, I just don't know what I'm doing, anymore. I feel as though I've made just poor choice after poor choice, and all I really want is to let someone else have control of my love life for me. Honestly, they can't do a much worse job then I'm already doing.
and so I am here...in the midst of something I've looked forward to for months and months, and I find that it was nothing like I expected it to be.
from this I have acquired a new goal. you see, this week, apparently, represents the obliteration of one of the tallest pedastals I've constructed.
and so it is that I came to this goal. They will ALL go. I need to know that nothing is worthwhile, and nothing at all is unattainable or above me, or special in any way. I am just me, and I'm alright, really. My life, my world will be whatever it is, and I will act for what seems best at the time.
There are no more tall buidlings in my life.
and I know that declarations like that usually don't add up to much, and never seem to work, but I feel as though this time is different. this is not marked by a small error or mistake, but by realizing that I was holdind a powerful misconception to be a fundamental fact of life.
there are a few things I need to do, and I shall not list them here. I only really know what one of them is, to be perfectly honest, but I know they must occur.
mah, we will see what happens.
I'm sorry for the drivel I wrote yesterday, but it seems I'm just not as good at putting my feelings on paper as I used to be.
Carrying boxes at work is good for thinking, I feel. Anyhow, I just don't know what I'm doing, anymore. I feel as though I've made just poor choice after poor choice, and all I really want is to let someone else have control of my love life for me. Honestly, they can't do a much worse job then I'm already doing.
and so I am here...in the midst of something I've looked forward to for months and months, and I find that it was nothing like I expected it to be.
from this I have acquired a new goal. you see, this week, apparently, represents the obliteration of one of the tallest pedastals I've constructed.
and so it is that I came to this goal. They will ALL go. I need to know that nothing is worthwhile, and nothing at all is unattainable or above me, or special in any way. I am just me, and I'm alright, really. My life, my world will be whatever it is, and I will act for what seems best at the time.
There are no more tall buidlings in my life.
and I know that declarations like that usually don't add up to much, and never seem to work, but I feel as though this time is different. this is not marked by a small error or mistake, but by realizing that I was holdind a powerful misconception to be a fundamental fact of life.
there are a few things I need to do, and I shall not list them here. I only really know what one of them is, to be perfectly honest, but I know they must occur.
mah, we will see what happens.