remind me in a few months that i would rather kill myself than join a mainstream workforce again
so.
over the course of the road trip, i gained the ability to tap into the decisiveness of my beast at my whim.
after tapping into said decisiveness, i realized that every remaining obstacle to my motivation was either indecisiveness itself, or a direct result of indecisiveness.
and i was all of a sudden able to call up all of the power sleeping deep within me for whatever purpose i decide.
i got back to Montrose. a changed man, ready to take on the world.
i woke up the next day, ready to go to work to test my new abilities.
when i got back home from work, i was dead again, and unable to call up the decisiveness.
actually, it feels more like hibernation than death. but the principle is the same.
i have confidence that i can reawaken the beast if i want to. but, i think it will be mentally tiring to continuously sleep and reawaken the mentality. because i feel like i have to take a day-long break to fully reawaken it. i could forcefully reawaken it, but that would take even more energy. i can't keep it awake at all times while holding a job because i can't stop other people from influencing me.
as a sidenote: hypersomnia is my enemy. and it's even worse when coupled with insomnia.
an inability to fall asleep coupled with a heavy requirement for sleep. means i go to sleep too late, and wake up even later.
i can't wait for the end of may, when i'll be rid of this job. remind me when i'm looking for jobs again to avoid customer service and mainstream jobs at all costs.
over the course of the road trip, i gained the ability to tap into the decisiveness of my beast at my whim.
after tapping into said decisiveness, i realized that every remaining obstacle to my motivation was either indecisiveness itself, or a direct result of indecisiveness.
and i was all of a sudden able to call up all of the power sleeping deep within me for whatever purpose i decide.
i got back to Montrose. a changed man, ready to take on the world.
i woke up the next day, ready to go to work to test my new abilities.
when i got back home from work, i was dead again, and unable to call up the decisiveness.
actually, it feels more like hibernation than death. but the principle is the same.
i have confidence that i can reawaken the beast if i want to. but, i think it will be mentally tiring to continuously sleep and reawaken the mentality. because i feel like i have to take a day-long break to fully reawaken it. i could forcefully reawaken it, but that would take even more energy. i can't keep it awake at all times while holding a job because i can't stop other people from influencing me.
as a sidenote: hypersomnia is my enemy. and it's even worse when coupled with insomnia.
an inability to fall asleep coupled with a heavy requirement for sleep. means i go to sleep too late, and wake up even later.
i can't wait for the end of may, when i'll be rid of this job. remind me when i'm looking for jobs again to avoid customer service and mainstream jobs at all costs.