(no subject)
at my school, when you're a senior, you have the option of going on a project-- some kind of internship, volunteer job, almost anything-- for the last month of school. yesterday was many seniors' last day of high school, ever. (not mine.) it's called Lawn Day and, in a tradition started god knows how, everyone brings TENTS to school and sets them up on the front lawn to sit out there for the entire day.
to me the idea that so many people just have these big tents lying around their house is funny enough, but to see them all laid out in front of the school... ridiculous. emily and i had planned to escape at the beginning of the day and go thrift shopping, but when i got to school, i found her helping these girls who i have absolutely nothing to say to set up their tent. she was like, "i'm actually not as bored or annoyed with all this as i thought i'd be... i think i want to stay here for a while."
emily is the only senior i'm friends with. besides her, all the girls from my art class had set up this really elaborate thing with a lot of plastic lawn-ornament ducks around it. the mastermind behind it, allie, was wearing pajamas, slippers and a hard hat. it was obnoxious. they kept telling me to come hang out in their tent.
now, it's extremely rare that i'm actually MEAN to these people. but it's hard not to look like a bitch when you turn down everything people offer you. the more i stood around, the more i realized i had no place to go; emily is friends with all the athlete girls and ran off to write "06 RUNS THIS" on people's cars in shaving cream. i couldn't find her, and it was at this point that i had to get the fuck out of there.
i drove SO much yesterday. i just drove my troubles away, off to the west side of cleveland, which is a completely different world from where i live. nobody's even tried to replace the old abandoned buildings with new businesses (as opposed to the east side, where they've tried and failed), and it makes everything so much more colorful. it's equally depressing, but in a much cooler way. it's a real run-down, sleazy area over there, the kind of place where i couldn't seem to walk in the street by myself without getting honked at by every other car, and that's what i always thought/wished cleveland was before i moved here... funny that i should discover all this 3 months before i move away.
i came back to the east side, intending to pick toby up from work, but since i got back faster than i expected i decided to hurry to school to be in the class photo. people were arranging themselves in the bleachers at the moment i parked my car, and i ran around the field to get in.
i'm still not sure why i did... i guess because even though i feel really disconnected from my school and my class, i do have a right to participate. in my mind, it was like letting everyone forget that i existed would almost be letting them get away with something. in the beginning it certainly seemed like i might as well not have existed for them, and it took me quite a while to find people who weren't totally cold to me. but i DID exist, no matter how little they cared.
it's funny; when i saw the back of the senior t-shirts with the names of everyone in the class, i was honestly surprised to see my name. i feel like an exchange student at shaker, and besides the fact that it's pretty isolating, it's nice, because i feel a lot less pressure to be sad about leaving.
after we took the photo, everyone hopped in their cars to drive around the school, honking their horns and hanging out the windows. i just wanted to leave and pick up toby. in front of and behind me were two pickup trucks with about ten people each riding in the back. i sort of waved to the people in the truck in front of me, following them around the oval until i could turn off. water balloons were thrown at my car and it was hard to look entertained. when i finally turned onto a different street and drove away, i felt like they were all thinking "what's she doing?" but since probably none of them knew my name, they didn't put up too much of a fight.
to me the idea that so many people just have these big tents lying around their house is funny enough, but to see them all laid out in front of the school... ridiculous. emily and i had planned to escape at the beginning of the day and go thrift shopping, but when i got to school, i found her helping these girls who i have absolutely nothing to say to set up their tent. she was like, "i'm actually not as bored or annoyed with all this as i thought i'd be... i think i want to stay here for a while."
emily is the only senior i'm friends with. besides her, all the girls from my art class had set up this really elaborate thing with a lot of plastic lawn-ornament ducks around it. the mastermind behind it, allie, was wearing pajamas, slippers and a hard hat. it was obnoxious. they kept telling me to come hang out in their tent.
now, it's extremely rare that i'm actually MEAN to these people. but it's hard not to look like a bitch when you turn down everything people offer you. the more i stood around, the more i realized i had no place to go; emily is friends with all the athlete girls and ran off to write "06 RUNS THIS" on people's cars in shaving cream. i couldn't find her, and it was at this point that i had to get the fuck out of there.
i drove SO much yesterday. i just drove my troubles away, off to the west side of cleveland, which is a completely different world from where i live. nobody's even tried to replace the old abandoned buildings with new businesses (as opposed to the east side, where they've tried and failed), and it makes everything so much more colorful. it's equally depressing, but in a much cooler way. it's a real run-down, sleazy area over there, the kind of place where i couldn't seem to walk in the street by myself without getting honked at by every other car, and that's what i always thought/wished cleveland was before i moved here... funny that i should discover all this 3 months before i move away.
i came back to the east side, intending to pick toby up from work, but since i got back faster than i expected i decided to hurry to school to be in the class photo. people were arranging themselves in the bleachers at the moment i parked my car, and i ran around the field to get in.
i'm still not sure why i did... i guess because even though i feel really disconnected from my school and my class, i do have a right to participate. in my mind, it was like letting everyone forget that i existed would almost be letting them get away with something. in the beginning it certainly seemed like i might as well not have existed for them, and it took me quite a while to find people who weren't totally cold to me. but i DID exist, no matter how little they cared.
it's funny; when i saw the back of the senior t-shirts with the names of everyone in the class, i was honestly surprised to see my name. i feel like an exchange student at shaker, and besides the fact that it's pretty isolating, it's nice, because i feel a lot less pressure to be sad about leaving.
after we took the photo, everyone hopped in their cars to drive around the school, honking their horns and hanging out the windows. i just wanted to leave and pick up toby. in front of and behind me were two pickup trucks with about ten people each riding in the back. i sort of waved to the people in the truck in front of me, following them around the oval until i could turn off. water balloons were thrown at my car and it was hard to look entertained. when i finally turned onto a different street and drove away, i felt like they were all thinking "what's she doing?" but since probably none of them knew my name, they didn't put up too much of a fight.