warm gun mirrorverse } { me here at last on the ground, you in mid-air
[Set in a mirrorverse of Happiness is a Warm Gun, as most recently seen in betenoire_rp. likely_evil is used with permission and love. Everyone else is an NPC.]
Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.
Dean plans this for months.
He scrapes together the money he needs with poker games, gets beat up more than a few times for cheating at pool, but he does it. The bus fare, the first and last month of rent, everything. He makes sure he gets all the proper paperwork in for his financial aid. He makes sure he has a job so that he can pay all of his expenses. He even takes steps to get Sam registered at the local public high school in Palo Alto-all he needs are his transcripts. He builds the steps for the life that they’re going to lead, because he needs to make sure all the pieces are in place. He has to be able to take care of Sam because he knows that if he goes, Dad won’t.
And Dean is going to go. He’s decided that much already. It’s just a matter of when.
He isn’t expecting that to be decided for him, though. John finds the entrance paperwork, everything that’s getting sent to him, and he flips out. There had been some blow-out fights between John and his oldest before, but this takes this to a new extreme. John tells him that if he wants to go so badly, he should get out and never come back, and there’s a part of Dean that screams yes. He gathers his things, storms to the door, and walks out to Sam, sitting on the hood of the Impala.
“You’re not really going, right?”
There’s so much hope there, that Sam probably doesn’t even know he’s projecting. He’s fourteen, and this is his big brother. Dean’s protected him from so much over the years, from hunting and from Dad and there’s so much that he isn’t ready for. He didn’t want it to be like this. He thought he’d have more time, that he could warm Sam up to the idea and they could go off together, but like this … he didn’t know what Sam’s answer would be and that scared him more than anything else.
“Sam, come with me.”
Sam has always looked up at him with so much faith, like his big brother was the sun and the moon, but right now all of that is gone. All that’s left is anger and rage, and Dean isn’t sure if he can fix it. “What? And just leave Dad alone?”
“Dad’s alone most of the time anyway, Sam. He’s never here!” Dean is pleading with his brother, trying to make him see the reason that has to be there somewhere. “I’ve done more taking care of you than he ever has. I can take care of you at school. You can stay at one school, make friends-we can be something, Sammy. We don’t have to be … this.”
“What’s wrong with this?!” Sam glares back at him, shoving him back when Dean tried to place his hands on his shoulders. “If Dad doesn’t want you here, I don’t want you either.”
That hurts more than his father’s rejection ever did. Dean stumbles back, looking up at him with wide eyes. “Sam, please. Just come with me. We can be a family-we don’t need him.”
Sam’s already done with the conversation. He’s sliding off the hood of the Impala and climbing into the front seat. The message is clear. Dean’s no longer part of this family. He shoulders his bag again, and makes his way to the bus stop. This is the way it has to be.
There’s a large part of Dean that wishes it wasn’t.
***
Dean never misses calling on a birthday or a holiday. Sam never changes his number.
He never answers the phone either.
It hurts at first, but over time Dean tries to learn not to take it personally. He has a world all his own to throw himself into, that gives him time to forget. First there’s balancing school and a job, then comes the friends he makes, and then, sometime during junior year, there’s Cassie.
Dean doesn’t think he’s ever loved anyone this much. Sure, there’s Sam, but it’s a different kind of love. There’s a kind of completion to it. He feels at home for the first time since he left Sam and John, and while he still misses his brother, more than words could ever say, this eases the ache. He tells her the truth when a ghost attacks them in the at the Stanford library, and she doesn’t run away. He’s sure that the ghost probably helped matters in that respect, but he’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Dean graduates from Stanford with a Bachelors in Biology and Neuroscience and a full ride to Stanford’s School of Medicine on Sam’s eighteenth birthday. There are celebrations all over campus, but Dean still manages to find the time to step to the side and give his brother a call. It goes to voicemail, as always, but Dean rambles into it like Sam’s going to call him back anyway, just because he can. When Sam turns twenty-one, Dean is finishing his internship at Stanford Hospital. He calls and tells Sam to have a drink on him. He knows it’s probably not Sam’s first sip of alcohol, but the sentiment is there all the same.
He and Cassie get engaged. They’re not going to get married until after Dean finishes his residency and they have some real money, but this is still the happiest Dean has ever been. He wants Sam and John to be there for the wedding, and he tells Sam that when he calls them to let them know, but he still doesn’t receive a call back. For a moment, he worries that they’re dead, caught by some kind of hell spawn that didn’t leave anything left for Dean to call, but he swallows that down and pushes it out.
They can’t be dead. They’re the only family Dean has.
It’s late, maybe three in the morning on Halloween, and Dean’s working a shift in the ER. Halloween is one of the worst nights of the year to be on the clock, but Cassie is working, chasing some story for the local paper. He hasn’t been sleeping well either, so being at work is better than being alone in an empty apartment-though he’s going to have to do it at this point, as his shift’s almost over. He’s getting ready to head back to the breakroom to clock out when Brady runs up to him, shoving a clipboard in his chest.
“New patient for you.”
“Dude, what?” Dean looks flabbergasted. “I’m off the clock.”
“He asked for you, man. You gonna disappoint the man and deny him your impeccable bedside manner?”
Dean rolls his eyes before making his way over to the patient, not really paying attention as he pulls open the curtain. “My name is Dr. Winchester. How can I help you, Mr.-” When he actually sees who he’s talking to, he barely recognizes him. The kid shot up like a beanpole, and became a man, but there are still parts of him that Dean would recognize anywhere. There are some things you just know. “Sammy?”
“Hey, big brother.” The words roll off his tongue with a cocky tone that made Dean want to cringe, but there is no denying that this is Sam. “Long time no see.” Sam barely manages to get the words out before his brothers arms are around him. He’s all in one piece. That’s more than Dean could have ever asked for. Sam hugs him back, strong and solid, and after a moment, Dean pulls back with a small smile.
“What are you doing here?”
“I need your help,” Sam says slowly, a bit of the cocky façade fading as he glances around. “It’s about Dad.”
Dean glances around as well, trying to figure out if this is a safe place for them to talk about it, before tipping his head to the side. “C’mon. I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”
An hour later, Dean’s packing for a hunting trip and Sam is with him. It’s almost like no time has passed, even though it’s obvious that it has when Sam has the instinct to duck in doorways. He’s almost ready to go when he hears a familiar voice coming through the doorway.
“It’s four in the morning. Why are you still dressed?”
He turns and grins when he sees Cassie-he can’t help it-and moves to slide his arms around her. “Cuz I’m not going to sleep?” She gives him an amused look and he tips his head back towards Sam who’s standing behind him. “Cassie, that’s Sam. Sam-this is my fiancée, Cassie.”
“Wait,” she says, the smile on her face widening a bit. “As in your brother, Sam?”
“Nice to meet you,” Sam nods. “I’ve actually heard a lot about you.”
“Same here,” she begins slowly, before a realization hits her. “Wait, is this a … family thing?” Her voice drops to a whisper on the last bit, and Dean glances back at Sam, before nodding.
“Yeah, but it shouldn’t take too long. I’ll be back Monday, latest. I promise.”
She grins a bit at that, before leaning in to kiss him. “You better. Be safe, okay?”
“I will.” He lets her head to the shower, and then grabs his bag to sling it over his shoulder. “Alright. Let’s hit the road.”
Sam is look at his brother like he’s a crazy person for a moment, and waits for the shower to start before hissing. “Dude. Does she know?”
“Yeah,” Dean says evenly. “You have a problem with that?”
Sam licks his lips, before shaking his head, and moving ahead of Dean to the door. “Nope. No problem at all.”
***
Cassie dies and it’s like the whole world is pulled out from under him.
It’s a hard yank that knocks the wind from him. She had been his everything, and now she is just gone, swallowed whole in the same flames that swallowed his mother. Dean has never been one for revenge, never been one for anger, but following the funeral it’s all that clouds his mind, and all he wants to do is find the demon that did this and tear him limb from limb. Sam, of course, is all too willing to help. All the while, he tries to ignore the fact that he remembers seeing that exact death in his dreams not too long before it happened. Anger he can work with. Guilt is going to have to be saved for another time.
When the visions start again, the dull migraines that settle in the front of his mind and just rest there as he’s flooded with visions of these terrible things, he tries to hide it as best he can. It isn’t something Sam should have to worry about. He still tries to use them to his advantage, to use them to help save people, but it very rarely happens the way he hopes it would. All that seems to come from this life is more pain, and Dean is starting to remember why he left it in the first place.
In the end, though, he has Sam again. That is something he could never replace.
Then the demon finds them, possesses Dad. Sam almost dies and Dad does, and all Dean has is grief. Grief and pain that he doesn’t have an outlet for, so he turns it on the things they hunt. It’s not an easy process, but it’s something that Dean needs to do in order to make himself okay again.
Hunting slowly gets easier.
After a while, it’s not the revenge as much as the family. He likes being on the road with his brother again, that familiar push pull of things between them. Sam is safe, like a blanket. He can watch him out at bars, tease him about the way he flirts with women. He begs off when Sam tries to get him to be his wingman, is awkward with the random pretty girls who Sam tries to throw his way. It’s not that he’s still not over Cassie. He knows Cassie is gone, he’s accepted that now, but he still needs more than just animal attraction. He wants that intimacy again, and while there are small moments when he has it, it seems to just get ripped away again all too soon.
And then, once again the demon rips away everything.
He feels it, the second he sees Sam and Bobby. They don’t get many stab wounds at the Stanford ER, but the steel trap of a medical mind knows exactly where Jake’s knife goes when it stabs into his back, and what damage was done. Dean isn’t going to wake up from this one. It’s a realization that leaves him feeling cold as he drops to his knees.
A gunshot goes off somewhere near his head, but he doesn’t know why. All he can see is Sam in front of him, dropping to his knees and catching Dean’s weight as he falls forward. Dean doesn’t have long, and there’s so many things he wants to say to Sam, but he’s not going to get them all out.
“Dean? Dean!? C’mon, say something, man.” There’s panic in Sam’s voice, and that’s all that Dean can recognize. Everything feels like he’s underwater, and his head falls forward to land against Sam’s shoulder. Breathing is starting to get hard, but he uses it to push out the last bit of what he needs to say.
“It’s okay, Sammy,” he murmurs as everything goes black. It’s all gonna be okay.
2289 words
Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.
Dean plans this for months.
He scrapes together the money he needs with poker games, gets beat up more than a few times for cheating at pool, but he does it. The bus fare, the first and last month of rent, everything. He makes sure he gets all the proper paperwork in for his financial aid. He makes sure he has a job so that he can pay all of his expenses. He even takes steps to get Sam registered at the local public high school in Palo Alto-all he needs are his transcripts. He builds the steps for the life that they’re going to lead, because he needs to make sure all the pieces are in place. He has to be able to take care of Sam because he knows that if he goes, Dad won’t.
And Dean is going to go. He’s decided that much already. It’s just a matter of when.
He isn’t expecting that to be decided for him, though. John finds the entrance paperwork, everything that’s getting sent to him, and he flips out. There had been some blow-out fights between John and his oldest before, but this takes this to a new extreme. John tells him that if he wants to go so badly, he should get out and never come back, and there’s a part of Dean that screams yes. He gathers his things, storms to the door, and walks out to Sam, sitting on the hood of the Impala.
“You’re not really going, right?”
There’s so much hope there, that Sam probably doesn’t even know he’s projecting. He’s fourteen, and this is his big brother. Dean’s protected him from so much over the years, from hunting and from Dad and there’s so much that he isn’t ready for. He didn’t want it to be like this. He thought he’d have more time, that he could warm Sam up to the idea and they could go off together, but like this … he didn’t know what Sam’s answer would be and that scared him more than anything else.
“Sam, come with me.”
Sam has always looked up at him with so much faith, like his big brother was the sun and the moon, but right now all of that is gone. All that’s left is anger and rage, and Dean isn’t sure if he can fix it. “What? And just leave Dad alone?”
“Dad’s alone most of the time anyway, Sam. He’s never here!” Dean is pleading with his brother, trying to make him see the reason that has to be there somewhere. “I’ve done more taking care of you than he ever has. I can take care of you at school. You can stay at one school, make friends-we can be something, Sammy. We don’t have to be … this.”
“What’s wrong with this?!” Sam glares back at him, shoving him back when Dean tried to place his hands on his shoulders. “If Dad doesn’t want you here, I don’t want you either.”
That hurts more than his father’s rejection ever did. Dean stumbles back, looking up at him with wide eyes. “Sam, please. Just come with me. We can be a family-we don’t need him.”
Sam’s already done with the conversation. He’s sliding off the hood of the Impala and climbing into the front seat. The message is clear. Dean’s no longer part of this family. He shoulders his bag again, and makes his way to the bus stop. This is the way it has to be.
There’s a large part of Dean that wishes it wasn’t.
***
Dean never misses calling on a birthday or a holiday. Sam never changes his number.
He never answers the phone either.
It hurts at first, but over time Dean tries to learn not to take it personally. He has a world all his own to throw himself into, that gives him time to forget. First there’s balancing school and a job, then comes the friends he makes, and then, sometime during junior year, there’s Cassie.
Dean doesn’t think he’s ever loved anyone this much. Sure, there’s Sam, but it’s a different kind of love. There’s a kind of completion to it. He feels at home for the first time since he left Sam and John, and while he still misses his brother, more than words could ever say, this eases the ache. He tells her the truth when a ghost attacks them in the at the Stanford library, and she doesn’t run away. He’s sure that the ghost probably helped matters in that respect, but he’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Dean graduates from Stanford with a Bachelors in Biology and Neuroscience and a full ride to Stanford’s School of Medicine on Sam’s eighteenth birthday. There are celebrations all over campus, but Dean still manages to find the time to step to the side and give his brother a call. It goes to voicemail, as always, but Dean rambles into it like Sam’s going to call him back anyway, just because he can. When Sam turns twenty-one, Dean is finishing his internship at Stanford Hospital. He calls and tells Sam to have a drink on him. He knows it’s probably not Sam’s first sip of alcohol, but the sentiment is there all the same.
He and Cassie get engaged. They’re not going to get married until after Dean finishes his residency and they have some real money, but this is still the happiest Dean has ever been. He wants Sam and John to be there for the wedding, and he tells Sam that when he calls them to let them know, but he still doesn’t receive a call back. For a moment, he worries that they’re dead, caught by some kind of hell spawn that didn’t leave anything left for Dean to call, but he swallows that down and pushes it out.
They can’t be dead. They’re the only family Dean has.
It’s late, maybe three in the morning on Halloween, and Dean’s working a shift in the ER. Halloween is one of the worst nights of the year to be on the clock, but Cassie is working, chasing some story for the local paper. He hasn’t been sleeping well either, so being at work is better than being alone in an empty apartment-though he’s going to have to do it at this point, as his shift’s almost over. He’s getting ready to head back to the breakroom to clock out when Brady runs up to him, shoving a clipboard in his chest.
“New patient for you.”
“Dude, what?” Dean looks flabbergasted. “I’m off the clock.”
“He asked for you, man. You gonna disappoint the man and deny him your impeccable bedside manner?”
Dean rolls his eyes before making his way over to the patient, not really paying attention as he pulls open the curtain. “My name is Dr. Winchester. How can I help you, Mr.-” When he actually sees who he’s talking to, he barely recognizes him. The kid shot up like a beanpole, and became a man, but there are still parts of him that Dean would recognize anywhere. There are some things you just know. “Sammy?”
“Hey, big brother.” The words roll off his tongue with a cocky tone that made Dean want to cringe, but there is no denying that this is Sam. “Long time no see.” Sam barely manages to get the words out before his brothers arms are around him. He’s all in one piece. That’s more than Dean could have ever asked for. Sam hugs him back, strong and solid, and after a moment, Dean pulls back with a small smile.
“What are you doing here?”
“I need your help,” Sam says slowly, a bit of the cocky façade fading as he glances around. “It’s about Dad.”
Dean glances around as well, trying to figure out if this is a safe place for them to talk about it, before tipping his head to the side. “C’mon. I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”
An hour later, Dean’s packing for a hunting trip and Sam is with him. It’s almost like no time has passed, even though it’s obvious that it has when Sam has the instinct to duck in doorways. He’s almost ready to go when he hears a familiar voice coming through the doorway.
“It’s four in the morning. Why are you still dressed?”
He turns and grins when he sees Cassie-he can’t help it-and moves to slide his arms around her. “Cuz I’m not going to sleep?” She gives him an amused look and he tips his head back towards Sam who’s standing behind him. “Cassie, that’s Sam. Sam-this is my fiancée, Cassie.”
“Wait,” she says, the smile on her face widening a bit. “As in your brother, Sam?”
“Nice to meet you,” Sam nods. “I’ve actually heard a lot about you.”
“Same here,” she begins slowly, before a realization hits her. “Wait, is this a … family thing?” Her voice drops to a whisper on the last bit, and Dean glances back at Sam, before nodding.
“Yeah, but it shouldn’t take too long. I’ll be back Monday, latest. I promise.”
She grins a bit at that, before leaning in to kiss him. “You better. Be safe, okay?”
“I will.” He lets her head to the shower, and then grabs his bag to sling it over his shoulder. “Alright. Let’s hit the road.”
Sam is look at his brother like he’s a crazy person for a moment, and waits for the shower to start before hissing. “Dude. Does she know?”
“Yeah,” Dean says evenly. “You have a problem with that?”
Sam licks his lips, before shaking his head, and moving ahead of Dean to the door. “Nope. No problem at all.”
***
Cassie dies and it’s like the whole world is pulled out from under him.
It’s a hard yank that knocks the wind from him. She had been his everything, and now she is just gone, swallowed whole in the same flames that swallowed his mother. Dean has never been one for revenge, never been one for anger, but following the funeral it’s all that clouds his mind, and all he wants to do is find the demon that did this and tear him limb from limb. Sam, of course, is all too willing to help. All the while, he tries to ignore the fact that he remembers seeing that exact death in his dreams not too long before it happened. Anger he can work with. Guilt is going to have to be saved for another time.
When the visions start again, the dull migraines that settle in the front of his mind and just rest there as he’s flooded with visions of these terrible things, he tries to hide it as best he can. It isn’t something Sam should have to worry about. He still tries to use them to his advantage, to use them to help save people, but it very rarely happens the way he hopes it would. All that seems to come from this life is more pain, and Dean is starting to remember why he left it in the first place.
In the end, though, he has Sam again. That is something he could never replace.
Then the demon finds them, possesses Dad. Sam almost dies and Dad does, and all Dean has is grief. Grief and pain that he doesn’t have an outlet for, so he turns it on the things they hunt. It’s not an easy process, but it’s something that Dean needs to do in order to make himself okay again.
Hunting slowly gets easier.
After a while, it’s not the revenge as much as the family. He likes being on the road with his brother again, that familiar push pull of things between them. Sam is safe, like a blanket. He can watch him out at bars, tease him about the way he flirts with women. He begs off when Sam tries to get him to be his wingman, is awkward with the random pretty girls who Sam tries to throw his way. It’s not that he’s still not over Cassie. He knows Cassie is gone, he’s accepted that now, but he still needs more than just animal attraction. He wants that intimacy again, and while there are small moments when he has it, it seems to just get ripped away again all too soon.
And then, once again the demon rips away everything.
He feels it, the second he sees Sam and Bobby. They don’t get many stab wounds at the Stanford ER, but the steel trap of a medical mind knows exactly where Jake’s knife goes when it stabs into his back, and what damage was done. Dean isn’t going to wake up from this one. It’s a realization that leaves him feeling cold as he drops to his knees.
A gunshot goes off somewhere near his head, but he doesn’t know why. All he can see is Sam in front of him, dropping to his knees and catching Dean’s weight as he falls forward. Dean doesn’t have long, and there’s so many things he wants to say to Sam, but he’s not going to get them all out.
“Dean? Dean!? C’mon, say something, man.” There’s panic in Sam’s voice, and that’s all that Dean can recognize. Everything feels like he’s underwater, and his head falls forward to land against Sam’s shoulder. Breathing is starting to get hard, but he uses it to push out the last bit of what he needs to say.
“It’s okay, Sammy,” he murmurs as everything goes black. It’s all gonna be okay.
2289 words