=(
Well, I hardly know where to start. I've been avoiding posting in here since my last post. Everytime I read it, it makes me sad. Even look at the moods i was in. Happy - sad - happy - sad - happy - sad. It's a mess.
I told Shell that once she gets over her grudges and sorts out all the shit she has against me, and when she stops her immature antics, then come and see me, and we can have another shot at "us", but besides that, it's a Goodbye.
I think that it's the best thing to have done. Maybe a break is good. I don't know. Will I ever have her again? I don't know. Does she want to get back together? I don't know. Does she actually love me? I don't know.
I'm sick of being tired up and hung out to dry, waiting for her to come around.
She wonders why I've left it up to her to make the decision on whether there is to be an "us" again or not. I left it up to her because I feel that I've tried numerous times to try and sort our troubles out, but I also feel that she hasn't attempted to get over her grudges, and make an effort to help things work out.
I love her to bits and I want her so bad, but, what's the point if she doesn't want there to be an "us". No more wondering I guess. No more wondering when she's going to come and see me. When she's going to miss me. When she's going ring me. When she's going to want to do SOMETHING with me.
I wanna cry my guts up, I would feel so much better, but they just wont come. What does that mean? I don't know
I don't know much.
Work? Work's good. Get's my mind off things a bit every now and then. I've had a few nice visits from peoples. Panda_lily and smurf (i think thats her LJ name) came and saw me twice in a few days. =) They make me feel good and happy =).
Can't wait till I get paid next week (mmm.. $$$).
I was invited to go to Mik's sisters wedding and reception on Saturday. That should be fun. Mik will be dressed up like a scotchman, and im going ther with Steve. Good stuff.
Steve's 18th in about a week. I wanna go out with them, but I can't. It sux so much.
I've got to get up early in the morning. Poop. I'm dead.
I'm sick of trying to appear... 'ok' and 'tip top' to people. I think that I am... not toooo bad. Well, it depends. Sometimes, I don't feel effected, other times (like now), I want to curl up in a little ball and be forgotten about for a decade.
I'm so lost.
I'm a mess.
Goin to bed.
- #B