Nobody gets out alive...
You know, I've been thinking. About everything. School, going off to college, trying to keep my girlfriend regardless of all the things that have happened with us; jealousy, lies, betrayal, pregnancy and abortion. Everyone should know by now that I'm supposed to go to college in August of next year. I'll be finished with grade school, finished with being a kid, and I'll be starting down whatever road it is that'll lead me to my own, personal happiness. And while I have an idea of what it's going to be like, most of that future is kept from my eyes.
In the past year I've had to deal with more bullshit and complications than I would wish on anyone twice my age. I've had a roommate, I've been arrested, assaulted, struggled with drugs, fought to fit in, made hard choices - both right and wrong, and I've fallen in love. I've made my own identity, and I know that I'm ready to be thrust away, maybe forgotten, and allowed to dictate what comes next. Finally, it'll be my decision.
But I am afraid.
I know that I will screw up. Hell, I even welcome the first time I fuck something up so bad that it seems hopeless and there can't possibly make it on my own. That'll be the test that shows who I am. If I can stand on my own and stick it out, or admit that I'm not ready to do it on my own. With any luck, I'll have the most beautifully attractive girl on the planet there to help me. Since a few months ago, I've had to grow so much faster than I was ready to, but I've handled it pretty well. There have been times when I wanted to cry, and other times when I actually have, though no one has seen it, but I'm ready for an optimistic future.
My dad asked me the other day if deciding to spend what remained of, or as much as my life as possible with 'Kenzie was worth my family turning my back on me. Because everyone here seems to hate her. My sister, my gramma, my littlest brother, mom, and dad most of all. Tommy tried to fuck her, and while I still don't know all the details of what happened there, it seems that she never once said no. And still, I said yes. It would be worth it. Hell, even five minutes would be worth it.... If only you could all look at her through my eyes. Just gaze into those greenish brown eyes of her's and see how beautiful and intelligent and goddamn wonderful she is, underneath all the rebelliousness and dont-give-a-damn attitude. It would be worth it all to love her, and to have her love me. Just as it is now. If I lose my family over that, so be it, I'll simply start my own.
In other news; school sucks, Adam is awesome, Goose has a new girlfriend (Tiffany), I have a Kama Sutra book, I'm passing all of my classes - even the stupid ones, and I fucking love 'Kenzie (not you).
Later.
In the past year I've had to deal with more bullshit and complications than I would wish on anyone twice my age. I've had a roommate, I've been arrested, assaulted, struggled with drugs, fought to fit in, made hard choices - both right and wrong, and I've fallen in love. I've made my own identity, and I know that I'm ready to be thrust away, maybe forgotten, and allowed to dictate what comes next. Finally, it'll be my decision.
But I am afraid.
I know that I will screw up. Hell, I even welcome the first time I fuck something up so bad that it seems hopeless and there can't possibly make it on my own. That'll be the test that shows who I am. If I can stand on my own and stick it out, or admit that I'm not ready to do it on my own. With any luck, I'll have the most beautifully attractive girl on the planet there to help me. Since a few months ago, I've had to grow so much faster than I was ready to, but I've handled it pretty well. There have been times when I wanted to cry, and other times when I actually have, though no one has seen it, but I'm ready for an optimistic future.
My dad asked me the other day if deciding to spend what remained of, or as much as my life as possible with 'Kenzie was worth my family turning my back on me. Because everyone here seems to hate her. My sister, my gramma, my littlest brother, mom, and dad most of all. Tommy tried to fuck her, and while I still don't know all the details of what happened there, it seems that she never once said no. And still, I said yes. It would be worth it. Hell, even five minutes would be worth it.... If only you could all look at her through my eyes. Just gaze into those greenish brown eyes of her's and see how beautiful and intelligent and goddamn wonderful she is, underneath all the rebelliousness and dont-give-a-damn attitude. It would be worth it all to love her, and to have her love me. Just as it is now. If I lose my family over that, so be it, I'll simply start my own.
In other news; school sucks, Adam is awesome, Goose has a new girlfriend (Tiffany), I have a Kama Sutra book, I'm passing all of my classes - even the stupid ones, and I fucking love 'Kenzie (not you).
Later.