So like fuck you Dad.
Note incoming rage. Cut for your own convenience and eyes
Typically I would go out on Saturdays to run some errands which I usually do so that my Sunday is Free for me. At least. Like most off the time..I will not go out if I don't have a purpose. But today yes I do.
Told dad the day before if he was going out I just want a lift and drop by at Sunway so that I can meet Crystal and Ken up so I can direct them to Ikea/Tesco. Whilst they be doing their window shopping and all I can go withdraw and exchange the needed cash to pass to Gwen.
................and apparently. Today that was just not the case.
Fucker suddenly yelled at me in the car asking me when the hell am I going to go take my driving classes. Cleverly saying that 2 months already I never take. Like hello dad. its one month only. I already started my L. I plan to fucking take my driving classes after finishing B2 Japanese lessons/class/exams this coming Friday.
Shit head decided to say I'm bullshitting him and I talk so much. And due to my very can't shut my trap nature and being sickening honest when I'm mad. I told him off. "If you want to complain so much grow a fucking mangina. You're as bad as a nagging bitch."
wrong move.
I got hit. Painfully.Again.
Mum told him off also but he turned deaf ears. Next he goes all fucking emo and rage saying "You're a failure eversince. yada yada...never finish this that bla bla bla..sure will not finish japanese classes you already fail your exam and you're bullshitting me about the exams this Friday so you fucking take your classes 2moro..."
......................now why the fuck should I lie?! Sensei stated already its this coming Friday as in the last day off class you knucklehead! Do you know thanks to you also I have difficulty in studying? Thats why I almost and always tend to fucking give up finishing most off the things I wanted to do? And MIND YOU. I was only 8 marks away from passing my B1 examinations if I actually got to sit down and talk/practice with my classmates.
WHICH I CAN'T DUE TO YOU WHO CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
And you think your so fucking perfect? You're a failure yourself! YET YOU CAN FUCKING HELL TELL ME ITS MY FAULT YOU'RE A FAILURE AS A FATHER.
ITS YOU YOURSELF. NOT ME. NEVER WAS MY FAULT NEVER WILL BE.
I try so HARD to please you till I just tend to sacrifice a lot off my time where I would have been a healthy teenage just hanging out with her close friends and good company. How much longer do you want to continue stepping on me. Have you ever asked yourself WHY I'm not talking to you most off the time?
You've never BOTHERED to sit next to me or TAKE interest in whatever I am learning unlike what mum tends to do. All this simple gestures is enough to just make me feel a bit happy. But NO. You take pride in bringing my name/face down by backstabbing me to other people.
Thats why I tend to be bullied so easily because I just have no pride/confidence/identity in myself. Any achievements I do since young I've just kept it to myself. I literally do not have pride in whatever I do. I just...can't.
And here you think you can fucking get away with it. You know being scolded at for no reason at all and later trying to be buddy buddy is just making me go mad? I'm already at the brink off depression yet I try to stay ignorant to the reality I have infront off my face. Do YOU KNOW how HEARTBREAKING it is to sit in the coffee shop this morning having a tensed situation and trying so hard not to take notice off the families with their kids happily chattering away whilst I suffer trying so hard to keep my frustration and rage to myself.
There was nothing wrong with me. You like to say what has gone wrong with me? Ask yourself that.
Due to your own frustrations and pride. I had to pay the price off taking the blows from you. I had to SUFFER the daily verbal attacks from you. I HAD TO STAY BY YOU NO MATTER WHAT.
I am not the type who would just simply run away like what brother did back then. I JUST CAN'T. I JUST CAN'T DO IT.
I know I should be moving out but I JUST CAN'T! I DON'T KNOW WHY I JUST CAN'T!
....I ....tend to wonder if I'm going mad. But...there are times I just wish I can fucking disappear. I...really can't take it.
/sigh
Typically I would go out on Saturdays to run some errands which I usually do so that my Sunday is Free for me. At least. Like most off the time..I will not go out if I don't have a purpose. But today yes I do.
Told dad the day before if he was going out I just want a lift and drop by at Sunway so that I can meet Crystal and Ken up so I can direct them to Ikea/Tesco. Whilst they be doing their window shopping and all I can go withdraw and exchange the needed cash to pass to Gwen.
................and apparently. Today that was just not the case.
Fucker suddenly yelled at me in the car asking me when the hell am I going to go take my driving classes. Cleverly saying that 2 months already I never take. Like hello dad. its one month only. I already started my L. I plan to fucking take my driving classes after finishing B2 Japanese lessons/class/exams this coming Friday.
Shit head decided to say I'm bullshitting him and I talk so much. And due to my very can't shut my trap nature and being sickening honest when I'm mad. I told him off. "If you want to complain so much grow a fucking mangina. You're as bad as a nagging bitch."
wrong move.
I got hit. Painfully.Again.
Mum told him off also but he turned deaf ears. Next he goes all fucking emo and rage saying "You're a failure eversince. yada yada...never finish this that bla bla bla..sure will not finish japanese classes you already fail your exam and you're bullshitting me about the exams this Friday so you fucking take your classes 2moro..."
......................now why the fuck should I lie?! Sensei stated already its this coming Friday as in the last day off class you knucklehead! Do you know thanks to you also I have difficulty in studying? Thats why I almost and always tend to fucking give up finishing most off the things I wanted to do? And MIND YOU. I was only 8 marks away from passing my B1 examinations if I actually got to sit down and talk/practice with my classmates.
WHICH I CAN'T DUE TO YOU WHO CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
And you think your so fucking perfect? You're a failure yourself! YET YOU CAN FUCKING HELL TELL ME ITS MY FAULT YOU'RE A FAILURE AS A FATHER.
ITS YOU YOURSELF. NOT ME. NEVER WAS MY FAULT NEVER WILL BE.
I try so HARD to please you till I just tend to sacrifice a lot off my time where I would have been a healthy teenage just hanging out with her close friends and good company. How much longer do you want to continue stepping on me. Have you ever asked yourself WHY I'm not talking to you most off the time?
You've never BOTHERED to sit next to me or TAKE interest in whatever I am learning unlike what mum tends to do. All this simple gestures is enough to just make me feel a bit happy. But NO. You take pride in bringing my name/face down by backstabbing me to other people.
Thats why I tend to be bullied so easily because I just have no pride/confidence/identity in myself. Any achievements I do since young I've just kept it to myself. I literally do not have pride in whatever I do. I just...can't.
And here you think you can fucking get away with it. You know being scolded at for no reason at all and later trying to be buddy buddy is just making me go mad? I'm already at the brink off depression yet I try to stay ignorant to the reality I have infront off my face. Do YOU KNOW how HEARTBREAKING it is to sit in the coffee shop this morning having a tensed situation and trying so hard not to take notice off the families with their kids happily chattering away whilst I suffer trying so hard to keep my frustration and rage to myself.
There was nothing wrong with me. You like to say what has gone wrong with me? Ask yourself that.
Due to your own frustrations and pride. I had to pay the price off taking the blows from you. I had to SUFFER the daily verbal attacks from you. I HAD TO STAY BY YOU NO MATTER WHAT.
I am not the type who would just simply run away like what brother did back then. I JUST CAN'T. I JUST CAN'T DO IT.
I know I should be moving out but I JUST CAN'T! I DON'T KNOW WHY I JUST CAN'T!
....I ....tend to wonder if I'm going mad. But...there are times I just wish I can fucking disappear. I...really can't take it.
/sigh