Koyashige stimulus. Let's get those fics written for a better tomorrow.
In a time when Koyama and Shige are doing their part of gaying each other up like no bodies business there still seems to be a economic slump (I realize that economic slump doesn't exactly work as analogy but you get the idea) in the Koyashige fic department. That is why I like many of the great men/women that run various countries (to be fair I
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“Kei, I can’t take this anymore. I don’t want to hide and lie every time I need you. I don’t want to say in interviews that I would one day have a wife that has long hair and wears pink frilly dresses, because I want you.”
“You do have me Shi-“
“No Kei, I don’t. Not like this anyway. This hiding is hurting me Kei, it’s hurting us.”
“but-“
He left, taking his wallet, his keys and all of the things he had in Koyama’s house . He left leaving nothing but his scent and a limp Koyama Keiichiro.
~`~
Koyama knew he couldn’t let this bother him, he understood why Shige left and he knew it was his own fault as much as it is Shige. Being in that relationship needed sacrifice, patience and a lot of love for the other. He wanted Shige to be happy. Koyama would be lying if he said he didn’t at times blame Shige for leaving or think that the reason Shige left was because he wasn’t good enough for the other man. Koyama knew that thinking that was stupid but he couldn’t help it. Being together with Shige had, even if it does sound cheesy, completed him. And when Shige left, there was nothing left.
The fact that they had to see each other every day for work didn’t make it any easier for Koyama to forget Shige. But seeing Shige act so normal, being so happy, did hurt him inside. It tells him that his presence in Shige didn’t make enough of an impact or maybe even, the reason he left was actually an excuse to cover the real truth, that maybe, he just didn’t love Koyama anymore.
Koyama avoided eye-contact with Shige as much as possible, not wanting to make things even more awkward than it already is. He would sit next to Yamapi during interviews and dote on Tegoshi as much as possible while Shige spent most of his time with Ryo and shopping with Massu.
Koyama and Shige’s secret relationship was actually not much of a secret to the rest of NEWS, but they never mentioned it because it was cute seeing Koyama looking panicky and Shige fumbling to adjust his clothes after their secret meetings behind the hall. Thus when Koyama started getting close to Tegoshi and with Shige being so lost, they knew that something was wrong.
~`~
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“Come on, explain.” Tegoshi was getting impatient.
Koyama looked at Tegoshi, honestly surprised by the sudden question. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Tego-nyan.”
Yamapi figured it’s his turn to speak. “Well, the thing between you and Shige? We know, we all know.”
“WHAA-TT?!” Koyama’s single eyelids opened “but there’s nothing going-"Koyama’s voice faded as he lets out a weak chuckle in attempt to cover the lie.
“We’re not idiots you know” snapped Ryo who was in on the whole conversation across the room.
“But- Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. He broke up with me.”Koyama’s eyes were blurred with tears that he’s determined not to let fall. He stormed out of the room to clear his mind and when he returned, he kept quiet the whole day.
~`~
Koyama now knows that the reason Shige left isn’t valid anymore since well, their affair had clearly failed to be hidden, but he doesn’t force Shige to come back.
“He’ll come back if he really loves me”
He doesn’t want Shige to come for any other reason other than that.
Koyama tried his best to keep himself busy and ignores the pity looks his other bandmates give him. He appreciates them accompanying him for dinner and the surprise visits to cheer him up. After 3 months, Koyama begins to forget the man he once loved so whole heartedly. It is fact that Koyama still loves Shige but at least now he doesn’t need to think of Shige every unoccupied second of the day. He begins to forget the need to play with Shige’s hair or the temptation of Shige’s lips.
For once in a long time, Koyama feels as if he doesn’t necessarily need Shige in his life for him to be happy. Koyama began pampering himself in activities like shopping, karaoke and massages. Material things that could just as well fill the empty space in him just as much as Shige could. Or so he thought.
Undoubtly, there are bad days where Koyama’s willpower just couldn’t handle it. Where he yearns so much for what they used to have, what they could have. The laughs they had, the smiles Shige wore, were now distant memories tattooed onto his heart. Those days Koyama found it hard to sleep without indulging in 4 cups of wine.
~`~
Koyama started to think about other options, in other words, other men. He figured the only way to truly and completely forget about Shige was to occupy his mind with well, people other than Shige. Possibly, hotter and if fate allows it, he’d like to be the smarter one in the relationship. In the day he would work, avoiding Shige as much as he could but at night his favourite hideout is the bar near his house. Not the best place to ‘meet’ someone but Koyama began turning rebellious, he didn’t need anything too serious. No ties no relationship. He didn’t need someone hurting him anymore; he just needed someone to forget Shige. That’s all.
Every night would be new, exciting and most of all pleasurable.
This routine had become so normal now that he’d been doing it for the -th time. This night was no different from those. After work, Koyama Keiichiro ate, showered and got dressed to go out. He steps in the bar and the bartender greets him - he’s a regular now. He scans the room in search of potential candidates and finds one up near the telephone booth. He gets his drink and approaches the other man.
They waste no time and the next thing you know Koyama was leading the man out the bar and to the back alley. In between heated kissed and sounds of lust Koyama saw him, and he saw Koyama. Koyama’s face turned pale as he saw Shige walk away. He stopped everything and chased after him, leaving the unknown male up dry.
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Shige couldn’t believe what he saw. It’s his own fault he thinks, he was the one that left Koyama in the first place. He truly does love Koyama, he’s just afraid. He’s afraid of the uncertainty of their future. It’s very much fact that Shige has accepted the truth that he is indeed gay, but has he really acknowledged that he will not be able to have a normal family, to have kids?
Shige finds a bench. He sits down and looks at the bright night above.
“I miss you Kei...”
“Then why did you leave me?”
Koyama was standing infront of him, looking exhausted.
“I-.. I- “
“Tell me Shige, why did you leave? Was it really because of the reason you gave me? Or did u just want me to fall apart and turn into a whore. Well, it worked Shige. I hope you’re happy.” Koyama turns and leaves.
“WAIT! No, you’ve got it all wrong. I want you so badly, it’s just..”
“If you really did love me, there wouldn’t be a sane reason for you to leave Shige, for you to hurt me like this.”
“No I-“
“I don’t want to hear it.” Koyama knew for a fact that he did want to know the reason. He wanted to know how Shige could leave what they had behind, how he could just forget the love that was between them. Koyama went home and Shige didn’t chase after him. Like the Koyama we all knew, he was optimistic. He thought positively and told himself that with confrontation, he can finally forget Shige and get on with his life.
~`~
The next day at work everything was normal - after the breakup normal. It was only after work that Koyama found something odd in is bag. It was a green enveloped with purple font that wrote, [Koyama Keiichiro’s eyes only]. He opened it to find a piece of card decorated with cute brown kittens with only four simple words written on the front.
“Give me a chance”
Koyama smiled as that familiar feeling of warmth returned after so long. He quickly dialled Shige’s number but it wouldn’t get through. He needed to talk to Shige, he needed to see Shige, and he needed it to be now.
Still ecstatic, Koyama fumbles to keep his things and realises the instructions at the back.
[Meet me at my place, you still have my keys. Love, Shige.]
~`~
Koyama rushed home only to be slowed down by his nervousness cum excitement. After what seems to be the -th time with the keys, Koyama opened the door to find Shige standing there with lit candles in the background. Koyama’s tears began to flow not only because things were finally turning right again, but also because Shige did something unexpectedly, romantic. Usually Koyama was the one who plans the impromptu dates at the beach or the single rose on the bed.
“I’m sorry” Shige finally spoke. “I wasn’t sure of what I wanted, what I needed in life but after yesterday, I- I realised how much I couldn’t see you in love with another man besides me because I love you Koyama, I am truly head over adidas over you. I know it may be a little too much to ask, but seeing as you came, will you give me another chance?”
Koyama smiled and gave in with a gentle nod. How could he reject a sappy Shige?
They wrapped themselves in each other’s arms as Shige whispered “Now, will you be my whore?”
END
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i'll be better next time.
and the italic didnt copy from my MW so.. some sentences may look weird without it. again, sorry!
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I will PM you for your info soon.
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