JOY COMES TEARS FALL
I can feel some of my hope and joy starting to return. The return of the sun's warmth, the clearing of pewter clouded skies, the melting of the 50+ inches of snow that fell this winter are melting the ice that encased my heart, letting it beat and feel alive again. There have been so many storms, my overwhelm swirling in the cold falling snow. My soul shaken by roaring winds and ice pelting the windows like snow mixed with gravel. It's strange that it seemed almost beautiful, playing a melody that sounds like beads spilling on tin.
I get so weary trying to balance it all in this new season of my life. The bills, the appointments, being caregiver, the household tasks that take me much longer to do, the disappointments, feeling a sense of special moments not remembered by both of us. His mood swings to the ugly at times cut deep.
This morning I drove through deep puddles while on my way to get a haircut. I found myself laughing as I once did as a small girl in red rubber boots stomping in puddles from the rain and twirling the oil slicks on top of street puddles into paisley rainbows.
He doesn't bring me flowers anymore. It's been years now. My life is nothing like I thought it would be. But God is good! I buy MYSELF flowers now and again.
I am reminded of a song by Francesca Battistelli
GOD IS GOOD
Third grade, I drew my dreams
On a blank page, my own silver screen
Painted sun, never rain
And love without pain
It's funny, that life I designed
Never played out like I had in mind
Had some highs hit the ground
Some ups that went down
But one thing that I've figured out
Joy comes
Tears fall
I'm learning there is beauty in it all
It's not hard to find it
You just have to look
Oh, God is good
I've said hellos and goodbyes
And I've held my friends while they've cried
Tasted bitter and sweet
Those moments between
Oh, He's had his hand on everything
Joy comes
Tears fall
I'm learning there is beauty in it all
It's not hard to find it
You just have to look
Oh, God is good
We're all young, then we're old
Kids have kids of their own
And the days just keep moving, moving
If there's one thing I know
True wherever I go
He is with me forever, through it all
Joy comes
Tears fall
I'm learning there is beauty in it all
Joy comes
Tears fall
I'm learning there is beauty in it all
It's not hard to find it
You just have to look
Oh, God is good
Oh, God is good