i went to the circus today.
the world is generous to me....sometimes. i thought this was one of those times. in life, however, there are no victories... no. reality only teases you. gives you a small peek at the brass ring. just enough to make all the failure hurt even more.
things are much better now than they were before. i dont think about things as much as i used to. i dont get as extremely depressed. i can control myself better... yet now it seems as if the times when i get sad now are worse because now i know what it feels like to be happy. i forgot for a while. i became so used to the sadness... i just didnt even notice it anymore. now that i know, being depressed hurts worse because i know what im missing out on. why cant i have better control over myself. why cant i be who i want me to be. why cant i be perfect. why cant i be a better person. why cant i....
things are much better now than they were before. i dont think about things as much as i used to. i dont get as extremely depressed. i can control myself better... yet now it seems as if the times when i get sad now are worse because now i know what it feels like to be happy. i forgot for a while. i became so used to the sadness... i just didnt even notice it anymore. now that i know, being depressed hurts worse because i know what im missing out on. why cant i have better control over myself. why cant i be who i want me to be. why cant i be perfect. why cant i be a better person. why cant i....