learn to live so free
Ugh. I feel gross. Fat and sweaty and disgusting. Sometimes I really hate myself a whole hell of a lot.
Here's what's been new:
a) I've had some weird dreams lately. One about Mike taking me to a dance, another about my dad inviting everyone I knew to party at my house when all I wanted to do was sleep, and this other one that was so unbearably disturbing that I hardly want to talk about it. Ask me if you want. God, I cried when I explained it to my brother because it was the next morning and I remembered it in such vivid detail...
b) There are some things, specifically people (and memories of people) that I really really need to let go of. Dwelling on them is just really unhealthy.
c) Tonight was THROWDOWN! Haha - note the caps. Because it was my "first show," according to Carol. I thoroughly enjoyed it, too. Terror was really impressive, as was Stretch Armstrong (or is it three words? I don't know) and Throwdown was awesome. Not even so-terrible-that-they're-awesome awesome, but for real awesome. I had a great time. Oh, and halfway through the show I thought I saw Mike, and sure enough, it was Mike! But he gave me very strong I-don't-really-give-a-shit-that-I'm-seeing-you-here vibes, and I didn't like that. Shut up Alyssa. Oh yeah, and as Throwdown was singing about not hating each other, this guy started being a total asshole to the guy next to him and pretty soon a fight broke out. Lovely. People are so completely... gah. I don't know what word I'm looking for. But I know it's not good.
d) This is what's on my mind now. And it has been a lot recently: I wish, for once in my life, someone would kiss me and it would actually mean something. This is something I really, really want. Because I think I can honestly say that it's never happened to me. And I keep thinking about this... have I just never meant enough to anyone to have that happen?
I just decided that this entry would have been equally as effective and even more eye-pleasing without the letters, but eh, what's done is done and I'm too lazy to change it.
Here's what's been new:
a) I've had some weird dreams lately. One about Mike taking me to a dance, another about my dad inviting everyone I knew to party at my house when all I wanted to do was sleep, and this other one that was so unbearably disturbing that I hardly want to talk about it. Ask me if you want. God, I cried when I explained it to my brother because it was the next morning and I remembered it in such vivid detail...
b) There are some things, specifically people (and memories of people) that I really really need to let go of. Dwelling on them is just really unhealthy.
c) Tonight was THROWDOWN! Haha - note the caps. Because it was my "first show," according to Carol. I thoroughly enjoyed it, too. Terror was really impressive, as was Stretch Armstrong (or is it three words? I don't know) and Throwdown was awesome. Not even so-terrible-that-they're-awesome awesome, but for real awesome. I had a great time. Oh, and halfway through the show I thought I saw Mike, and sure enough, it was Mike! But he gave me very strong I-don't-really-give-a-shit-that-I'm-seeing-you-here vibes, and I didn't like that. Shut up Alyssa. Oh yeah, and as Throwdown was singing about not hating each other, this guy started being a total asshole to the guy next to him and pretty soon a fight broke out. Lovely. People are so completely... gah. I don't know what word I'm looking for. But I know it's not good.
d) This is what's on my mind now. And it has been a lot recently: I wish, for once in my life, someone would kiss me and it would actually mean something. This is something I really, really want. Because I think I can honestly say that it's never happened to me. And I keep thinking about this... have I just never meant enough to anyone to have that happen?
I just decided that this entry would have been equally as effective and even more eye-pleasing without the letters, but eh, what's done is done and I'm too lazy to change it.