(no subject)
Informally to my boyfriend Brendan,
To put it completely bluntly and nutshell-ized, tonight I realized that mine and Brendan's relationship is totally and exactly more than everything I could ever want. Something is different, something happened to us through everything that we've been through. When I was younger, like in middle school, girls told boys they loved them. I always thought it didn't matter how old you are, age doesn't play a part in love; I still agree with that. But it's what age gives you that makes such a difference. It's not just about a physical attraction, or even a connection with someone. I've found that it's about growing with someone and learning about yourself and what you want, learning about them and what they want. Understanding how they work, what they're thinking, what holds them back. Learning how to sacrifice habits and instinct for eachother. Knowing what gets to them and what they love more than anything. Reaching a level of comfortableness that you've never felt with anyone, even your best friend. Realizing all of a suddenthat you not only want, but need to make a commitment to be with them and be true to them, and thenrealizing it doesn't even feel like a commitment at all because it feels so perfect.
It hit me today how lucky I am to have Brendan. It hit me how perfect we are for eachother. It's so damn hard to write anything about this without sounding cliche, in the words of someone in Rachel's me-book, this stupid language can't describe nearly in full, really anything I'm feeling, but I'll try.
Tonight we talkedabout how different we are, how his friends and I don't get along a lot of the time, how sometimes things just don't work out with his friends and I, how it effects him, how I feel about it. I think the best part about that talk wasn't the fact that I felt good about getting everything out that I wanted to, but actually solving the problem and ending it on such a good note. I can't explain it or reallydo it justice at all, but whatever.
Being with Brendan in a HUGE group of people like that at a football game, which I don't usually like doing, was so much fun because no matter what situation we're in I always feel good with him. He's hysterical and will do anything to make me laugh or to make me happy or to make me comfortable. I love that about him. Even if he doesn't agree with whatI have to say, or the things I do, he supports me, I can really honestly say that, and I can't describe how good that makes me feel.
It really is true that you just don't appreciate how lucky you are to have someone until you lose them. When I think about how close I was to losing him, there was a point I think when we both realized that we couldn't stay apart. Despite how hurtful things were, all we wanted to do was talk to eachother about eachother. Maybe it sounds silly but that was such a slap in the face for me. I can't begin to describe how painful and incredible those couple weeks were for me.
I wish I could do this some real justice.
"There's something about being around you that just...triggers my happy cells." Hah
I love you. :)
To put it completely bluntly and nutshell-ized, tonight I realized that mine and Brendan's relationship is totally and exactly more than everything I could ever want. Something is different, something happened to us through everything that we've been through. When I was younger, like in middle school, girls told boys they loved them. I always thought it didn't matter how old you are, age doesn't play a part in love; I still agree with that. But it's what age gives you that makes such a difference. It's not just about a physical attraction, or even a connection with someone. I've found that it's about growing with someone and learning about yourself and what you want, learning about them and what they want. Understanding how they work, what they're thinking, what holds them back. Learning how to sacrifice habits and instinct for eachother. Knowing what gets to them and what they love more than anything. Reaching a level of comfortableness that you've never felt with anyone, even your best friend. Realizing all of a suddenthat you not only want, but need to make a commitment to be with them and be true to them, and thenrealizing it doesn't even feel like a commitment at all because it feels so perfect.
It hit me today how lucky I am to have Brendan. It hit me how perfect we are for eachother. It's so damn hard to write anything about this without sounding cliche, in the words of someone in Rachel's me-book, this stupid language can't describe nearly in full, really anything I'm feeling, but I'll try.
Tonight we talkedabout how different we are, how his friends and I don't get along a lot of the time, how sometimes things just don't work out with his friends and I, how it effects him, how I feel about it. I think the best part about that talk wasn't the fact that I felt good about getting everything out that I wanted to, but actually solving the problem and ending it on such a good note. I can't explain it or reallydo it justice at all, but whatever.
Being with Brendan in a HUGE group of people like that at a football game, which I don't usually like doing, was so much fun because no matter what situation we're in I always feel good with him. He's hysterical and will do anything to make me laugh or to make me happy or to make me comfortable. I love that about him. Even if he doesn't agree with whatI have to say, or the things I do, he supports me, I can really honestly say that, and I can't describe how good that makes me feel.
It really is true that you just don't appreciate how lucky you are to have someone until you lose them. When I think about how close I was to losing him, there was a point I think when we both realized that we couldn't stay apart. Despite how hurtful things were, all we wanted to do was talk to eachother about eachother. Maybe it sounds silly but that was such a slap in the face for me. I can't begin to describe how painful and incredible those couple weeks were for me.
I wish I could do this some real justice.
"There's something about being around you that just...triggers my happy cells." Hah
I love you. :)