in this mad world..
Sometimes I wish there was a button that you could press when you meet a person and they'd know everything about you without going through the whole process.. Every time you meet someone new, you get to choose what to leave out, what to say about yourself. It's like filling a blank page with splatters of paint that you want the other person to see...Each person carrying a 'canvas of you' different from one another. Getting to know people comes naturally..but I think at this point in my life I feel like eventually a lot of these people will play no role in my life whatsoever..so why open up in the first place? Some will keep the canvas, some will try to change the painting, and some would just be forgotten. Wow, this doesn't sound like me.. I would say take risks, go for it..meeting people, losing some along the way is something everyone needs in life. Yeah, I'd say that. But is everyone worth that risk? My head is saying no...but my heart is saying yes. Sometimes first impressions can be so wrong... I've met a lot of people that showed me a part of them I'd never know they had if I didn't take the risk in getting to know them by opening up myself. Yet, some just totally screwed up their lives and tried to drag everyone else with them. It's those people that make me doubt. And doubt is the last thing I'd ever wish for.
I think what triggered this are his questions about my past. He wants to know everything...curiosity. Maybe if I was in his place, I'd wanna know too but...I just wonder... By remembering and repeating things we've put behind us, aren't we reliving them all over again? That's how I feel... Some part of me wants to explain since it'll show them more about myself, and it'll bring back pieces of memories I've cherished a long time ago but long to forget now. This confusion, tearing me between my past and present...my future. Sometimes I'm in a void from thinking too much... about things I really shouldn't give a damn about.
I know myself well enough to say that I let things go through me... affect me even when they should have twisted their way around my silhouette.. But I'd never give that up. It's this that makes me the person I am and without it, I'd feel hollow.
I think what triggered this are his questions about my past. He wants to know everything...curiosity. Maybe if I was in his place, I'd wanna know too but...I just wonder... By remembering and repeating things we've put behind us, aren't we reliving them all over again? That's how I feel... Some part of me wants to explain since it'll show them more about myself, and it'll bring back pieces of memories I've cherished a long time ago but long to forget now. This confusion, tearing me between my past and present...my future. Sometimes I'm in a void from thinking too much... about things I really shouldn't give a damn about.
I know myself well enough to say that I let things go through me... affect me even when they should have twisted their way around my silhouette.. But I'd never give that up. It's this that makes me the person I am and without it, I'd feel hollow.