(no subject)
The hotter it gets and the closer summer approaches, the more I remember. I don't try and God knows I'd rather not, but things pop up all the time. Smells, sounds, images, emotions...it's sort of ridiculous the things my mind can do... June 16th marks the beginning of the first summer in 3 years that things will be different. I'm working, I'm driving, and several people are absent from my life. It's scary to think of spending the long lazy days and the seemingly endless nights with another set of faces. And it's even more difficult to deal with the ghosts that linger from everything I've experienced this past year. I'm angry and scared and confused as hell, but I'm also curious and hopeful. But I guess this is life. I guess that I've finally come to realize the transient way in which we all live and how we all have to learn to function and survive through whatever comes... For a while, I lived in an almost-fantasy world where everything seemed unshakeable and amazing and though somewhere inside I knew nothing would truly last, I reasoned that it would...or at least until I was ready to let go. And I think I didn't understand exactly what I had and what I might miss. I just didn't see things coming till it was too late. But life doesn't ask for permission to shift your paradigm, "shit happens," as they say. I just hope that, well no, I know that there must be enough in store for me to make all of this "shit" worthwhile in the end.