I find myself.....

[hart_shapdbox]

Jealous of his "sister." She was adopted by his dad (it's his ex girlfriend that he "tried to love," and lost his virginity to her). Now She left him for his sister (kinda fucked, I agree). Well Now both his sister, and her are living with him and his dad, and I can't help but be completely and utterly jealous of her. She is only bisexual, she isn't even a full lesbian. Now His dad said that if he ever found out they were doing shit he would kill Steve, but they could do shit when he isn't home. I hink to some degree he is still attracted to her. She's skinny, and kind of beautiful. I am so insecure it isn't even funny. I want to be thin so bad, but I also think Steve only dates chubby chicks to make himself feel better. Like they won't leave him because he's skinny, and muscley, and hott, and yet he looks good for dating a fat chick. I don't know. All I know is I care for this boy way too much, and I dont think I like it. I feel like I love him more then he loves me. He can't eve tell me stupid petty shit that goes on in his day. It's such a big freaking deal. Like seriously, if had an issue he sits there and begs, and begs and begs until I give up what's wrong, and yet if I askk him more then once he starts getting all rude and snappy. It isn't fair and I don't like it. I have been with hi for almost 2 and a half years. I think I have earned some trust, no? I am so frustrated, liek seriously why can't the kid give me a call if he is going to be over an hour late, or if he says he's going to call me at 7:15 and then doesn't call until 10:30, I mean what the fuck is that shit?

and yet, I still love him, and need him more then anything in this whole entire world.