The Artefacts of Life - NC-17 - by shocolate

[harrybangronmod]

Title: The Artefacts of Life
Author: shocolate
Summary: Harry's saving people thing can be inappropriate...
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 15004
Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately.
Other Pairings: story begins with existing canon pairings, mention of Ron/OMC.
Author's Note: Very many thanks to emmacmf, for motivating and amusing me and counting my commas - and to the

Comments

[napchic]

So all of this I'd sent in my email forever ago.
But I wanted to edit it to comment word count and microscopically reprint below for posterity and just add that my Rons are at your service and Harry's neatly groomed, coal black pubes are on call should you require them.
*squishes back*

If that curse had left you... in a coma, I would have sat by your bedside every day,” …if it had knocked any sense into you, I would have been fucking amazed.
I just want to cling to Harry. Look at him taking care of his boy and spouting some funny ass shit.

And poor Hermione was tormented for turning another bloke gay, and this time after just one date.
oh, poor baby girl.

but I suppose some where looking at me, too, and I sat up straighter and caught myself ruffling my hair.
*helps ruffle*

because my cock was screaming for joy and my balls were frolicking
That demands to be animated as a cartoon

I wanted to at least tell him how well I’d coped, I wanted him to be proud of me.
*gets stingy blinky eyes*

I finished the bottom, syrupy inch of his cold tea and Flooed to work.
*breath catches*
oh, i love that tiny moment. it’s oddly, beautifully intimate.

Maybe I could go back to that bar and some bloke would offer to buy me a drink
and I could talk to him about my ex-girlfriend’s parents being dentists, or my dad
having had stitches, or how I knew how to use a telephone,
*face-aching smile* so damn funny. so him.

I looked down at my hand and traced the rune scars on the palm.
Maybe I wouldn’t let the fucking Malfoys ruin my life, with that fucking amulet.
So brave and such a punch to the gut and I could hug you.

“Harry is a selfish bastard,” I hissed.
“Skinny bloke, completely devoted to you, would cut off his own arm, if you asked him to?” George clarified.
*nods*

“Maybe he looked up ‘gay’ in a really old dictionary,” George suggested.
*giggles like lunatic*

George indicated that I didn’t have a straight best mate with a complicated shrug.
i can SEE that shrug.

“You were supposed to realise,” he insisted. “You were supposed to say, ‘you, too?’, not scream at me and run away.”
“Fuck, we’re shit at this,” I marveled.
they are, bless them.

I was a selfish, cowardly... Malfoy, and I never told you you were like me. I wanted you to think it was a good thing. Being like me, being the same.”
oh, harry.

He gazed up at the ceiling, apparently picturing me all godlike and on an experienced gay man pedestal.
well, who doesn’t?

There was a loud silence.
YOUR USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. I cherish it.

“You are, you know,” he said in a tiny voice. “That attractive.”
“You couldn’t be any more fanciable,” I admitted.
these are irrefutable trufax.

Harry was a bitey kisser.
canon.

On a quest to find out More New Things About Harry,
*caresses your caps lock key*

I had one cock in each hand and Harry’s was scalding hot
holy cocking shit fuckers. scalding, indeed.

“There is not an inch of your skin I’m not gonna touch,” I said, marvelling at how true it was.
so true.

Lifting his balls with one hand - not that they were huge and I’m boasting, although I do have large hands
so, so true.

“Well,” I said in as matter of fact voice. “I literally have no idea what to do.”
*melts into goo*

his arse still tragically out of reach.
tragically :)

and why is “coal black pubes” suddenly such a damn sexy phrase?

“Are you saying,” I interrupted, “that I don’t care about you - or Hermione - and that I just shag whoever is closest?”
“No,” he protested. “Not exactly.”
“Not exactly?”
slick. talking. bastard.

Dark Magic and beer and sex.
And Harry.
All at the same time, and what bloke could ask for more?
oh, that’s lovely.