(no subject)
I want to think of myself as having a mind of my own, but there have been so many instances in my life when I've had doubt so great that I had turned to others for advice. But disappointingly, I have never not had a sense of lingering regret over the prescribed course of actions. It may be cliche to say "follow your heart," but that is the truth that I have come to realize. Could have, should have, would have, I don't want to spend the rest of my life over perfect hindsight. I don't want regret. I don't want to dwell over lost opportunities.
but that's the thing with me, I dwell, I seize upon something and linger over it and have an inability to stop thinking about what could have been. When my mind is idle I fantasize about things. No, not like that--I fantasize about how situations would have turned out had I done something differently. I fantasize about how potentially happy I could have been. I fantasize. At what point does this kind of thinking become unhealthy?
I loaf and examine myself. But unlike whitman, I do not like what I am finding...
would You rather, that Such had not occurred
to Each
so One may have what You and I gave up-
except for That, which merely barely reminds us
of Such
could we falter, but One she lies waiting
in the dark for You--
and so I alone must continue
to depart
should I ponder, by chance some night from now
at that,
that had Such gone on and Each of us persisted-
I should plug the widening abyss with One and all,
And close the gap
but that's the thing with me, I dwell, I seize upon something and linger over it and have an inability to stop thinking about what could have been. When my mind is idle I fantasize about things. No, not like that--I fantasize about how situations would have turned out had I done something differently. I fantasize about how potentially happy I could have been. I fantasize. At what point does this kind of thinking become unhealthy?
I loaf and examine myself. But unlike whitman, I do not like what I am finding...
would You rather, that Such had not occurred
to Each
so One may have what You and I gave up-
except for That, which merely barely reminds us
of Such
could we falter, but One she lies waiting
in the dark for You--
and so I alone must continue
to depart
should I ponder, by chance some night from now
at that,
that had Such gone on and Each of us persisted-
I should plug the widening abyss with One and all,
And close the gap