Fic: Fearing Heaven
Title: Fearing Heaven
Author: Jandra L.
Characters: Harry Sullivan, Sarah Jane Smith
Summary: He’d followed her to the ends of the universe, but she hadn’t followed him back home.
Disclaimer: I don’t own or have anything to do with Doctor Who. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit is being made.
Notes: Not beta'd. All mistakes are my own.
--
Soon after she’d returned home for the last time, he was the first person Sarah thought to call. It was a strange moment, holding the phone, not knowing exactly what to say or why she had called him. She smiled at the slight amusement in his voice, and winced at the unguarded hope.
“I-“ She hesitated and then changed her mind. “How is everyone at UNIT?”
He chuckled, “We’re all fine.” He paused and then, “How’s the Doctor?”
“Gone,” She said.
“Oh?” He asked her, “for how long?”
She hesitated and then replied with a soft, almost inaudible “forever.”
--
“How did you do it?” She asked him one night after dinner.
He paused and looked up at her over his coffee which was almost to his lips.
“How did I do what?” He asked her.
“How did you just walk away from it?”
And she hadn’t needed to clarify herself any further than that.
“Well, I had a duty, didn’t I? A naval officer can’t just go gallivanting across time and space. I had a post; I had people in my care. I’m a Doctor.”
The irony wasn’t meant to escape her.
--
“I’m not him,” He whispered hoarsely after too many drinks and a sloppy, unexpected kiss.
He’d pulled back and then the words tumbled out. His eyes widened a little as he said them, and she shot him a cold look.
“You don’t think I know that?” She demanded.
“Sometimes I wonder if you do.” He admitted after a moment of tensioned filled silence in which he wracked his brain for something to say that would to fix it. This wasn’t it, he knew, but again the words had come out before his brain could catch up.
To his surprise, however, her expression softened and she reached out her hand timidly to touch his face, looking at him with an intensity he’d never seen from her before. She was studying him, appraising him, and all the while attempting to mask it. Without warning she was kissing him again. This time, he didn’t pull back, but he had felt something in her gaze moments before, the one that was meant to distinguish him-in her lips, as they tried to reassure him-that made him still feel slightly insignificant; that made him feel human in a way he’d never wanted to feel before.
--
“Are you afraid?” He asked her as she laid her head peacefully on his bare chest. Her eyes were closed, but the uneven rise and fall of her chest told him she wasn’t sleeping.
She lifted her head and untidy brown curls fell into her face. There was a half confused, half defensive look on her face. “Of what?”
He sighed, hating the way she guarded herself from him sometimes.
“Of moving on,”
She sighed and moved away from him slightly, propping herself up on her elbow as she looked at him, “Of all the things for me to be afraid of, moving on is not one of them.”
And sometimes she would think that if heaven were an existence in which she would never have change, she would fear that as well.
But what she didn’t say was that there were some things that she couldn’t move on from, and fear had nothing to do with it.
--
“I’ve been transferred to another post,” He told her on the phone one night. He was out of town, somewhere he hadn’t been able to tell her, and it was late, so it took her a moment to understand what he was saying.
He was leaving.
“I thought…” He hesitated nervously, “You could come with me.”
She closed her eyes and sighed. “Harry, I can’t. I have… things.”
She winced at her own words, and tried to burry the excuse she hadn’t voiced, what if the Doctor can’t find me?
“I understand,” he told her with a mixture of disappointment and genuine understanding.
He’d miss her, but he’d move on. She hadn’t even considered how she’d fair.
--
She could barely see through the rain and fog as she pulled up to his house, despite the windshield wipers, and by the time she’d reached his door and summoned the courage to knock and not run away, she was drenched to the bone, her hair sticking to her face, the little makeup she had worn completely gone.
He opened the door and nearly fell over in surprise. She hadn’t called, until the very moment in which she had closed her eyes and rapped her knuckles on his thick, wooden door, she hadn’t been sure she’d go through with this. But she’d missed him. It was funny how it didn’t occur to her that she would when he told her he was leaving.
“Sarah?” He asked, his eyes and voice carrying so many questions.
In his surprise, it had taken him a moment to realize that the woman was standing in the pouring rain. Silently, slightly flushed, he stepped aside and let her in, where she stood awkwardly dripping on the hard wood floor.
“I missed you,” She said, because really there wasn’t much else to say.
“Well,” he told her, “You had… things.” But his tone wasn’t accusatory and he was smiling slightly.
“Not anymore,” She told him.
He pulled her towards him so that their bodies collided into a soggy hug that quickly turned into an eager kiss.
--
It had been like a lit match and a cold bucket of water all at the same time, meeting the Doctor again. He was so different, and so much the same. But Sarah had found long ago that the Doctor was a walking contradiction and trying to understand the complicated emotions that he evoked in her would be fruitless.
So they’d had their small adventure, fought their aliens, and finally came to the point where they would say goodbye, and both knew it would be for the last time.
And it was then that he’d asked her, awkwardly (although, she wasn’t entirely sure how much the question itself was to blame for the awkwardness, as this incarnation seemed rather awkward in general), if there was ever anyone else.
She smiled at him, a smile that shown through even the sadness in her eyes. “Thanks to you,”
Author: Jandra L.
Characters: Harry Sullivan, Sarah Jane Smith
Summary: He’d followed her to the ends of the universe, but she hadn’t followed him back home.
Disclaimer: I don’t own or have anything to do with Doctor Who. No copyright infringement is intended, no profit is being made.
Notes: Not beta'd. All mistakes are my own.
--
Soon after she’d returned home for the last time, he was the first person Sarah thought to call. It was a strange moment, holding the phone, not knowing exactly what to say or why she had called him. She smiled at the slight amusement in his voice, and winced at the unguarded hope.
“I-“ She hesitated and then changed her mind. “How is everyone at UNIT?”
He chuckled, “We’re all fine.” He paused and then, “How’s the Doctor?”
“Gone,” She said.
“Oh?” He asked her, “for how long?”
She hesitated and then replied with a soft, almost inaudible “forever.”
--
“How did you do it?” She asked him one night after dinner.
He paused and looked up at her over his coffee which was almost to his lips.
“How did I do what?” He asked her.
“How did you just walk away from it?”
And she hadn’t needed to clarify herself any further than that.
“Well, I had a duty, didn’t I? A naval officer can’t just go gallivanting across time and space. I had a post; I had people in my care. I’m a Doctor.”
The irony wasn’t meant to escape her.
--
“I’m not him,” He whispered hoarsely after too many drinks and a sloppy, unexpected kiss.
He’d pulled back and then the words tumbled out. His eyes widened a little as he said them, and she shot him a cold look.
“You don’t think I know that?” She demanded.
“Sometimes I wonder if you do.” He admitted after a moment of tensioned filled silence in which he wracked his brain for something to say that would to fix it. This wasn’t it, he knew, but again the words had come out before his brain could catch up.
To his surprise, however, her expression softened and she reached out her hand timidly to touch his face, looking at him with an intensity he’d never seen from her before. She was studying him, appraising him, and all the while attempting to mask it. Without warning she was kissing him again. This time, he didn’t pull back, but he had felt something in her gaze moments before, the one that was meant to distinguish him-in her lips, as they tried to reassure him-that made him still feel slightly insignificant; that made him feel human in a way he’d never wanted to feel before.
--
“Are you afraid?” He asked her as she laid her head peacefully on his bare chest. Her eyes were closed, but the uneven rise and fall of her chest told him she wasn’t sleeping.
She lifted her head and untidy brown curls fell into her face. There was a half confused, half defensive look on her face. “Of what?”
He sighed, hating the way she guarded herself from him sometimes.
“Of moving on,”
She sighed and moved away from him slightly, propping herself up on her elbow as she looked at him, “Of all the things for me to be afraid of, moving on is not one of them.”
And sometimes she would think that if heaven were an existence in which she would never have change, she would fear that as well.
But what she didn’t say was that there were some things that she couldn’t move on from, and fear had nothing to do with it.
--
“I’ve been transferred to another post,” He told her on the phone one night. He was out of town, somewhere he hadn’t been able to tell her, and it was late, so it took her a moment to understand what he was saying.
He was leaving.
“I thought…” He hesitated nervously, “You could come with me.”
She closed her eyes and sighed. “Harry, I can’t. I have… things.”
She winced at her own words, and tried to burry the excuse she hadn’t voiced, what if the Doctor can’t find me?
“I understand,” he told her with a mixture of disappointment and genuine understanding.
He’d miss her, but he’d move on. She hadn’t even considered how she’d fair.
--
She could barely see through the rain and fog as she pulled up to his house, despite the windshield wipers, and by the time she’d reached his door and summoned the courage to knock and not run away, she was drenched to the bone, her hair sticking to her face, the little makeup she had worn completely gone.
He opened the door and nearly fell over in surprise. She hadn’t called, until the very moment in which she had closed her eyes and rapped her knuckles on his thick, wooden door, she hadn’t been sure she’d go through with this. But she’d missed him. It was funny how it didn’t occur to her that she would when he told her he was leaving.
“Sarah?” He asked, his eyes and voice carrying so many questions.
In his surprise, it had taken him a moment to realize that the woman was standing in the pouring rain. Silently, slightly flushed, he stepped aside and let her in, where she stood awkwardly dripping on the hard wood floor.
“I missed you,” She said, because really there wasn’t much else to say.
“Well,” he told her, “You had… things.” But his tone wasn’t accusatory and he was smiling slightly.
“Not anymore,” She told him.
He pulled her towards him so that their bodies collided into a soggy hug that quickly turned into an eager kiss.
--
It had been like a lit match and a cold bucket of water all at the same time, meeting the Doctor again. He was so different, and so much the same. But Sarah had found long ago that the Doctor was a walking contradiction and trying to understand the complicated emotions that he evoked in her would be fruitless.
So they’d had their small adventure, fought their aliens, and finally came to the point where they would say goodbye, and both knew it would be for the last time.
And it was then that he’d asked her, awkwardly (although, she wasn’t entirely sure how much the question itself was to blame for the awkwardness, as this incarnation seemed rather awkward in general), if there was ever anyone else.
She smiled at him, a smile that shown through even the sadness in her eyes. “Thanks to you,”