Waiting
Title: Waiting
Author: Terion
Disclaimer: Not. Mine.
Rating: Caution for brooding.
Book or TV verse: Book verse, post White Night, sequel to New Year.
Summary: Waiting on news can rattle you and make you make decisions that are foolish. But if you're lucky you get slapped back to the right mindset.
Waiting.
I hate waiting.
Over the years I’ve had to wait too often for an enemy to take a strike at me before I could do something. Before I could find them and fight back.
And I’m reminded too much of that day, sitting there with a bag over my head whilst old men decided whether I would live or die. They decided my fate without even knowing me - or me knowing their precious rules beforehand.
Waiting…
It feels like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop and the shit to hit the fan when something good happens to me. This…this is that moment.
Here I sit in the hospital, shaking as I wait for someone to come and tell me something. Waiting for someone to tell me if the woman I’d give my life for is going to live or die.
If she does…it’ll be my fault.
I dragged her into all of this, my wonderful magical life where things can swat me aside easily. And I’m a wizard.
She’s only human.
Sighing, I dropped my head into my hands, fingers knotting into my hair.
I should never have dragged her into this.
“Excuse me?”
Looking up I saw a nervous looking wisp of a woman standing there, wearing hospital scrubs and owlish glasses. Rising quickly I said, “Yes?”
“You’re the man that brought in Sergeant Murphy, yes?”
I just nodded and she said, “She’s going to be alright. The bullet missed anything vital and its been taken out. She’s stable now and sleeping so…”
“Can I see her?” I asked softly. When she opened her mouth to speak, I quickly continued, “I know its not usually allowed but please. I…I need to see her.”
The woman bit her lip and looked around before saying, “Follow me.”
Thank God, a kind soul.
She led me to the room and left me at the door, leaving me to enter on my own. I stared at it for a long moment then slowly made my way in as quietly as I could.
Murphy had gotten a room all to herself, so it was just her and me in there. Slowly I walked forward and looked down at her, shaking as I saw her.
She looked so small and frail laying there, her shoulder swathed in bandages and a small patch on her cheek. A cast encased one of her legs and was held up off the bed by a sling attached to a hook in the ceiling.
I stumbled backwards and nearly fell over a chair trying to get into the bathroom. There I leaned heavily on the sink and just tried to breathe.
I was responsible for this.
She’d come with me to take down a fledgling sorcerer - an easy enough task we’d thought. I’d had my spells ready to go and she had her guns. We’d left Mouse at my apartment, not figuring we’d need him.
We hadn’t expected the Rottweiler. Or him having a gun.
The dog had gone after Murphy while I’d gone after the sorcerer. And when I got thrown back once, he’d drawn his gun and tried to shoot her. He only caught her in the shoulder but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I’d seen red and nothing else mattered except that he tried to kill her.
I’m not sure what I did to him. And that scares the hell out of me. Because there wasn’t a body left, not a scrap, after I was finished with him.
The dog I knocked unconscious and pulled off of Murphy, who was out as well by then. I’d tried to wake her and, failing that, tied a slipshod tourniquet around her leg and ran to the Beetle, pushing it to near death in getting her to the hospital.
She was okay.
But she could have died.
And it would have been my fault.
Shaking, I stood up and looked in the mirror above the sink, staring over my shoulder at what I could see of her.
I couldn’t do this anymore.
I couldn’t…I couldn’t hurt her anymore.
Slowly I turned away and walked back into the room, moving the chair close to the bed. Then I sat down and gently took her hand, leaning my elbows on the bed and laying my cheek against her skin.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed. “Hell’s bells, Murph, I’m sorry.
“I got you into this mess and look…look what I’ve done now. You…I…I can’t do this anymore.”
I shuddered and closed my eyes.
“I can’t be the one to cause you to hurt anymore,” I said in a raw voice. “I love you too much.”
“This…this has to end. We have to end.”
Tears tried to come but I choked them down, keeping my eyes shut tight. As I forced myself to set her hand back down it twitched.
I had enough time to blink before she slapped me.
The blow knocked me back and when I recovered from seeing stars and little birdies, I looked up into her drug-hazed and angry blue eyes.
“Don’t you dare,” she hissed. “Don’t you dare, Harry.”
“Murph…”
“No. No, I won’t have it. I won’t. You can’t expect everything and you don’t know everything. And this wasn’t your fault.”
“I should never have dragged you into all this!” I exclaimed, trying hard to stop this. To let her go.
Her eyes hardened underneath the haze and she spat, “If I recall correctly, we both did equal work getting me here. I chose to keep fighting next to you, Harry. You didn’t drag me into anything.”
Her hand then gripped mine where one still lay on the edge of the bed and squeezed it tightly. Blue eyes softened and I think I saw tears in her eyes.
“I love you too much too, idiot. Don’t make me regret it.”
I stared at her then leaned forward, twisting my hand in hers so I could grasp it back. Looking at her closely, at her drug-hazed eyes and her pale face, I found what little resolve I had shattered like so much brittle glass.
I did love her too much.
And I couldn’t leave her.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed. I sighed and dropped my arm onto the edge of the bed, letting my head fall down on top of it. After a moment she freed her hand from mine and started to run it through my hair in slow, soothing motions. Turning my head sideways, I looked up at her and stretched out my gloved hand to touch her patched cheek. “I really am an idiot.”
“Yes, you are,” she said gently. Her fingers brushed over the nape of my neck, making me shiver, and she finished in a loving voice, “But you’re my idiot.”
“Always,” I assured, stroking her cheek gently. Then I leaned there on the bed and watched her fall asleep, her hand still tangled in my hair.
I really was an idiot to think I could give this up.
So now I wait again.
This time…this time its not so horrible of a wait.
Author: Terion
Disclaimer: Not. Mine.
Rating: Caution for brooding.
Book or TV verse: Book verse, post White Night, sequel to New Year.
Summary: Waiting on news can rattle you and make you make decisions that are foolish. But if you're lucky you get slapped back to the right mindset.
Waiting.
I hate waiting.
Over the years I’ve had to wait too often for an enemy to take a strike at me before I could do something. Before I could find them and fight back.
And I’m reminded too much of that day, sitting there with a bag over my head whilst old men decided whether I would live or die. They decided my fate without even knowing me - or me knowing their precious rules beforehand.
Waiting…
It feels like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop and the shit to hit the fan when something good happens to me. This…this is that moment.
Here I sit in the hospital, shaking as I wait for someone to come and tell me something. Waiting for someone to tell me if the woman I’d give my life for is going to live or die.
If she does…it’ll be my fault.
I dragged her into all of this, my wonderful magical life where things can swat me aside easily. And I’m a wizard.
She’s only human.
Sighing, I dropped my head into my hands, fingers knotting into my hair.
I should never have dragged her into this.
“Excuse me?”
Looking up I saw a nervous looking wisp of a woman standing there, wearing hospital scrubs and owlish glasses. Rising quickly I said, “Yes?”
“You’re the man that brought in Sergeant Murphy, yes?”
I just nodded and she said, “She’s going to be alright. The bullet missed anything vital and its been taken out. She’s stable now and sleeping so…”
“Can I see her?” I asked softly. When she opened her mouth to speak, I quickly continued, “I know its not usually allowed but please. I…I need to see her.”
The woman bit her lip and looked around before saying, “Follow me.”
Thank God, a kind soul.
She led me to the room and left me at the door, leaving me to enter on my own. I stared at it for a long moment then slowly made my way in as quietly as I could.
Murphy had gotten a room all to herself, so it was just her and me in there. Slowly I walked forward and looked down at her, shaking as I saw her.
She looked so small and frail laying there, her shoulder swathed in bandages and a small patch on her cheek. A cast encased one of her legs and was held up off the bed by a sling attached to a hook in the ceiling.
I stumbled backwards and nearly fell over a chair trying to get into the bathroom. There I leaned heavily on the sink and just tried to breathe.
I was responsible for this.
She’d come with me to take down a fledgling sorcerer - an easy enough task we’d thought. I’d had my spells ready to go and she had her guns. We’d left Mouse at my apartment, not figuring we’d need him.
We hadn’t expected the Rottweiler. Or him having a gun.
The dog had gone after Murphy while I’d gone after the sorcerer. And when I got thrown back once, he’d drawn his gun and tried to shoot her. He only caught her in the shoulder but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I’d seen red and nothing else mattered except that he tried to kill her.
I’m not sure what I did to him. And that scares the hell out of me. Because there wasn’t a body left, not a scrap, after I was finished with him.
The dog I knocked unconscious and pulled off of Murphy, who was out as well by then. I’d tried to wake her and, failing that, tied a slipshod tourniquet around her leg and ran to the Beetle, pushing it to near death in getting her to the hospital.
She was okay.
But she could have died.
And it would have been my fault.
Shaking, I stood up and looked in the mirror above the sink, staring over my shoulder at what I could see of her.
I couldn’t do this anymore.
I couldn’t…I couldn’t hurt her anymore.
Slowly I turned away and walked back into the room, moving the chair close to the bed. Then I sat down and gently took her hand, leaning my elbows on the bed and laying my cheek against her skin.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed. “Hell’s bells, Murph, I’m sorry.
“I got you into this mess and look…look what I’ve done now. You…I…I can’t do this anymore.”
I shuddered and closed my eyes.
“I can’t be the one to cause you to hurt anymore,” I said in a raw voice. “I love you too much.”
“This…this has to end. We have to end.”
Tears tried to come but I choked them down, keeping my eyes shut tight. As I forced myself to set her hand back down it twitched.
I had enough time to blink before she slapped me.
The blow knocked me back and when I recovered from seeing stars and little birdies, I looked up into her drug-hazed and angry blue eyes.
“Don’t you dare,” she hissed. “Don’t you dare, Harry.”
“Murph…”
“No. No, I won’t have it. I won’t. You can’t expect everything and you don’t know everything. And this wasn’t your fault.”
“I should never have dragged you into all this!” I exclaimed, trying hard to stop this. To let her go.
Her eyes hardened underneath the haze and she spat, “If I recall correctly, we both did equal work getting me here. I chose to keep fighting next to you, Harry. You didn’t drag me into anything.”
Her hand then gripped mine where one still lay on the edge of the bed and squeezed it tightly. Blue eyes softened and I think I saw tears in her eyes.
“I love you too much too, idiot. Don’t make me regret it.”
I stared at her then leaned forward, twisting my hand in hers so I could grasp it back. Looking at her closely, at her drug-hazed eyes and her pale face, I found what little resolve I had shattered like so much brittle glass.
I did love her too much.
And I couldn’t leave her.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed. I sighed and dropped my arm onto the edge of the bed, letting my head fall down on top of it. After a moment she freed her hand from mine and started to run it through my hair in slow, soothing motions. Turning my head sideways, I looked up at her and stretched out my gloved hand to touch her patched cheek. “I really am an idiot.”
“Yes, you are,” she said gently. Her fingers brushed over the nape of my neck, making me shiver, and she finished in a loving voice, “But you’re my idiot.”
“Always,” I assured, stroking her cheek gently. Then I leaned there on the bed and watched her fall asleep, her hand still tangled in my hair.
I really was an idiot to think I could give this up.
So now I wait again.
This time…this time its not so horrible of a wait.