(no subject)
I just woke up over at bills house today its 7:54 and I couldnt get any more sleep. Light is coming in through billys window and its sorta pretty. I feel very insignifigant right now. I feel like a tiny little ant in some large world that everyone has a place in life and they know where they are going and I dont. The more I think about it, the more afraid I get about what Im going to do. Am I going to go to art college? My dream in life? Probably not. And I still hold a small hope that Ill always be with my friends. Its childish but I want to stay with them forever. Things dont work out that way though. We are all going to split up and go our own seperate ways.
Pedro has jeannie and he will follow her to the ends of the earth if he has too. I dont want him to go but I understand why he will. Hes in love. I just want to live in some apartment with someone I can be completely and totally crazy for and go to art school and hang out with my friends. Mostly I just want to have someone. Shannon is my girlfriend and Im crazy about her. But can I love her? Can she love me? I dout it. I dont trust my emotions anymore. I really wish I could, then I would know what to do about her, what to say.. I feel like Im some crying little kid In a dark hallway with someone holding my hand, then just letting go. Im confused and scared. Shannon has her own problems so I cant expect her to hold my hand while Im scared. I really wish she would. She is someone I could fall in love with,I really could. Will I let myself? Surrender my heart to a girl who locks her own? I dont know. I feel safe when Im holding her.
I think I need her.
Pedro has jeannie and he will follow her to the ends of the earth if he has too. I dont want him to go but I understand why he will. Hes in love. I just want to live in some apartment with someone I can be completely and totally crazy for and go to art school and hang out with my friends. Mostly I just want to have someone. Shannon is my girlfriend and Im crazy about her. But can I love her? Can she love me? I dout it. I dont trust my emotions anymore. I really wish I could, then I would know what to do about her, what to say.. I feel like Im some crying little kid In a dark hallway with someone holding my hand, then just letting go. Im confused and scared. Shannon has her own problems so I cant expect her to hold my hand while Im scared. I really wish she would. She is someone I could fall in love with,I really could. Will I let myself? Surrender my heart to a girl who locks her own? I dont know. I feel safe when Im holding her.
I think I need her.