(no subject)
I had a good day. I think that Amy may have too. Can't say though, that's for her to decide. Just a nice normal not save the world day. Walking around looking at the sights, talking quietly about life. Nothing huge mind you, just life in general. Sometimes it's what you need to recharge those batteries. To be able to climb back on a horse that you know is going to buck you from hell and back.
When I was younger I would turn to Will when I couldn't handle what was going on. Talking about pre-Buffy years. The secret years, when I was forming at the hands of my parents. When there were bruises given not from the night but from those who should have been there to comfort and tell me that the boogyman was a myth. Maybe that's why I didn't question demons though. I lived with two of the worst. And they were human.
And they shaped me. Made me into who I am. I didn't want to be like that to Anya, so I ran. Hell I always have run in some shape or form. Just not in a way that the others could tell. Not like the actual runnage that Buffy did after Angel went to Hell. Not like the running Willow did when Tara died. Truth is we are all runners. Every single one of us in some way.
Days like today put me in a thinking mood. Image that. Alexander Harris can be deep. Who would have thought........
None of us living here really fit anywhere else. Okay, not sure about the three new ones, but the rest of us we're screwed up. Like that island of freaked out toys in that Rudoloph story. We can venture away for a while but we misfits always end up back together. Just add in a few more misfits.
What's more screwed up than demons with a soul? Pretty boys who think human and look human but are so far from it that it's funny. At times the others seem to forget that they aren't what we fight. Hell at times I even almost think of Spike as a friend. But I don't forget. They may look all house broken but given the right situation and I ain't going down that dark alley with them. Like my blood in my own veins, thank you very much.
And Kennedy? Any other place I would say let the bitch go. But she's good for Will. Grounds her. Gives her a stable base so that my best friend isn't some wacked out black eyed Rambo. On the wrong side. Don't think I have ever been so afraid in my life as that period of time. If I had lost her, I don't think I could have ever gone on. Of course if she hadn't come back to us, don't really think that it would have mattered since the world as we know it wouldn't be here. Yep, we'd be adrift in a big old world of nothing.
Not even going to start my head on thoughts of Buffy and Faith. Can we just say the world isn't ready for more than the two of them. There may be a ton of little slayers running around now but the two of them. They are The Slayers. The only two that have been tested and primed for the ultimate actions. The rest, just a bunch of little girls with He-Man power. Not the stuff that makes for legends. I'd make a mint if I ever wrote up their adventures.
Dawn. Dawn is special. She's so normal. And then she's not. She's not really real. She is but she isn't. Memories of her and the hero worship of me, not real. There never was a time when I saved her when she was ten from the bullies on the way home from school or took her to the movies when she had chicken pox at twelve to keep the boredom at bay. Never happened and yet it feels like it did. Wish they had, wish she didn't have to have come because of badness. Just been a normal kid, with normal crap happening to her. Maybe now she is just normal. Not really wanting to find that one out though. I'll let myself just immerse in false memories and think they are real. I did mention I was a runner. It's how I survive.
I could think now on Amy. If I did though I would have to stop running away. Start caring and opening up again. I'm not ready. May say I am, may act like I am but I am still a runner.
But when I stop running, then I may actually open up. And god help me, I may end up opening up to her. Question is, when does the runner stop running?
When I was younger I would turn to Will when I couldn't handle what was going on. Talking about pre-Buffy years. The secret years, when I was forming at the hands of my parents. When there were bruises given not from the night but from those who should have been there to comfort and tell me that the boogyman was a myth. Maybe that's why I didn't question demons though. I lived with two of the worst. And they were human.
And they shaped me. Made me into who I am. I didn't want to be like that to Anya, so I ran. Hell I always have run in some shape or form. Just not in a way that the others could tell. Not like the actual runnage that Buffy did after Angel went to Hell. Not like the running Willow did when Tara died. Truth is we are all runners. Every single one of us in some way.
Days like today put me in a thinking mood. Image that. Alexander Harris can be deep. Who would have thought........
None of us living here really fit anywhere else. Okay, not sure about the three new ones, but the rest of us we're screwed up. Like that island of freaked out toys in that Rudoloph story. We can venture away for a while but we misfits always end up back together. Just add in a few more misfits.
What's more screwed up than demons with a soul? Pretty boys who think human and look human but are so far from it that it's funny. At times the others seem to forget that they aren't what we fight. Hell at times I even almost think of Spike as a friend. But I don't forget. They may look all house broken but given the right situation and I ain't going down that dark alley with them. Like my blood in my own veins, thank you very much.
And Kennedy? Any other place I would say let the bitch go. But she's good for Will. Grounds her. Gives her a stable base so that my best friend isn't some wacked out black eyed Rambo. On the wrong side. Don't think I have ever been so afraid in my life as that period of time. If I had lost her, I don't think I could have ever gone on. Of course if she hadn't come back to us, don't really think that it would have mattered since the world as we know it wouldn't be here. Yep, we'd be adrift in a big old world of nothing.
Not even going to start my head on thoughts of Buffy and Faith. Can we just say the world isn't ready for more than the two of them. There may be a ton of little slayers running around now but the two of them. They are The Slayers. The only two that have been tested and primed for the ultimate actions. The rest, just a bunch of little girls with He-Man power. Not the stuff that makes for legends. I'd make a mint if I ever wrote up their adventures.
Dawn. Dawn is special. She's so normal. And then she's not. She's not really real. She is but she isn't. Memories of her and the hero worship of me, not real. There never was a time when I saved her when she was ten from the bullies on the way home from school or took her to the movies when she had chicken pox at twelve to keep the boredom at bay. Never happened and yet it feels like it did. Wish they had, wish she didn't have to have come because of badness. Just been a normal kid, with normal crap happening to her. Maybe now she is just normal. Not really wanting to find that one out though. I'll let myself just immerse in false memories and think they are real. I did mention I was a runner. It's how I survive.
I could think now on Amy. If I did though I would have to stop running away. Start caring and opening up again. I'm not ready. May say I am, may act like I am but I am still a runner.
But when I stop running, then I may actually open up. And god help me, I may end up opening up to her. Question is, when does the runner stop running?