I'm on a roll, apparently...
Remember that thing I was asking all sorts of weird questions relating to the deaths of ADAs for?? Well, I finished it. Sort of. It was just one of those things that takes over your brain and doesn't stop until you give in and write it, even if it's completely cracked. It's not a fic, it's more like a parody of a poem I studied a couple of years ago in English class and that I found so freaking brilliant. I actually hadn't thought about it very much since then, but one day I was watching SVU and it instantly popped into my head and hasn't left since. I'm not very pleased with what came out of it, but since I'm not exactly sure of what it is exactly, then I guess that's fine.
Anyway, enough with the rambling. The poem in question is 5 Ways to Kill a Man by Edwin Brock. It might help to read that one first, I think.
Title: 5 Ways to Kill an ADA
Fandom: Law and Order: Mothership and L&O: SVU
Pairing: None
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters hinted at here or what happened to them. That was all Dick Wolf's doing.
Note: References to "Loss", "Night" and the final fate of Claire Kincaid (whichever episode that is).
There are many cumbersome ways to kill an ADA: you can lose her in the midst of a prominent outburst. To do this properly you require an unfrequented street at night-time, high quality TNT, a car to place it in, two clueless detectives and, to ensure optimum success, no DEA investigators in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Or you can take a length of steel, shaped and chased in a non-traditional way, and attempt to pierce the thin, clothed cage she wears. But for this you need a vehicle that can run at very high speeds, a decent supply of ammunition, a bar for her to come out of, a turned down ride home and no cars in your line of sight to avoid anatomical mistakes on your target.
Dispensing with nobility, you may, if the circumstances allow, inmobilize her with a powerful show of physical strength. But then you need a pleasant-smelling excuse to infiltrate, a carefully furnished arena, a series of available office props, a caffeine induced mistake and no electrical devices for your future recognition.
In an age of recklessness, you may use a formula that has worked well in the past; drive your car a few feet close to your victim and dispose of her with one careful veer to the right (or left). All you then require is a human act of kindness, a few extra decimals in your blood, numbed reflexes, a cloud to cover your eyes and a scarlet light for you to disobey.
These are, as I began, cumbersome ways to kill an ADA. Simpler, direct, and much more neat is to see that she is living somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin, and leave her there.
Anyway, enough with the rambling. The poem in question is 5 Ways to Kill a Man by Edwin Brock. It might help to read that one first, I think.
Title: 5 Ways to Kill an ADA
Fandom: Law and Order: Mothership and L&O: SVU
Pairing: None
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters hinted at here or what happened to them. That was all Dick Wolf's doing.
Note: References to "Loss", "Night" and the final fate of Claire Kincaid (whichever episode that is).
There are many cumbersome ways to kill an ADA: you can lose her in the midst of a prominent outburst. To do this properly you require an unfrequented street at night-time, high quality TNT, a car to place it in, two clueless detectives and, to ensure optimum success, no DEA investigators in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Or you can take a length of steel, shaped and chased in a non-traditional way, and attempt to pierce the thin, clothed cage she wears. But for this you need a vehicle that can run at very high speeds, a decent supply of ammunition, a bar for her to come out of, a turned down ride home and no cars in your line of sight to avoid anatomical mistakes on your target.
Dispensing with nobility, you may, if the circumstances allow, inmobilize her with a powerful show of physical strength. But then you need a pleasant-smelling excuse to infiltrate, a carefully furnished arena, a series of available office props, a caffeine induced mistake and no electrical devices for your future recognition.
In an age of recklessness, you may use a formula that has worked well in the past; drive your car a few feet close to your victim and dispose of her with one careful veer to the right (or left). All you then require is a human act of kindness, a few extra decimals in your blood, numbed reflexes, a cloud to cover your eyes and a scarlet light for you to disobey.
These are, as I began, cumbersome ways to kill an ADA. Simpler, direct, and much more neat is to see that she is living somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin, and leave her there.