Gender Dysphoria- I has it
Gender Dysphoria... holy sh*t. It's real. I mean, I knew it, but I never thought I suffered from it. ... I know, I know- how did I not think I suffered it? Well, it never came up before. It was always an issue of 'I feel like a guy, I will do as I please'.
I always thought of G.D as a thing that made boys (and girls) cry, rip their clothes, freak out at the sight of dresses, and... generally accounts of dysphoria I've heard sound like that.
But tonight, after getting called a girl repeatedly, not correcting anyone, and having a guy try to grab my chest twice through my binder, I came home and had the most horrible stomach ache. Edit: There was a context to his grabbing, a really odd context; I only say "a guy" for the sake of anonymity.
But in a way, I'm really happy. I didn't know what all of my stomach pain was before. I never had a physical sign that I could point to and say "there. This is proof of my G.I.D". Now I have that proof. I never trust my mental signals (my life will do that to a person) but I can't ignore my stomach pains, not when they're this bad. So that's what it's been trying to tell me.
I've got the dysphoria. I've got permission to be myself now. That's what my stomach says.
Dunno if this is a good thing, but I'm sure the eventual anti-anxiety meds that they've been asking me to take will help.
I always thought of G.D as a thing that made boys (and girls) cry, rip their clothes, freak out at the sight of dresses, and... generally accounts of dysphoria I've heard sound like that.
But tonight, after getting called a girl repeatedly, not correcting anyone, and having a guy try to grab my chest twice through my binder, I came home and had the most horrible stomach ache. Edit: There was a context to his grabbing, a really odd context; I only say "a guy" for the sake of anonymity.
But in a way, I'm really happy. I didn't know what all of my stomach pain was before. I never had a physical sign that I could point to and say "there. This is proof of my G.I.D". Now I have that proof. I never trust my mental signals (my life will do that to a person) but I can't ignore my stomach pains, not when they're this bad. So that's what it's been trying to tell me.
I've got the dysphoria. I've got permission to be myself now. That's what my stomach says.
Dunno if this is a good thing, but I'm sure the eventual anti-anxiety meds that they've been asking me to take will help.