baaaaa-aaaack
so guess who just came out for the first time... don't get all excited tho. i came out as "questioning" and i only told nathan, and only because he knew something was up. he knows me too damn well.... oh, and he told me that he's still not over me (a year and 4 months after we broke up). i mean obviously he's not into me, but he still loves me as a bit more than a friend. anyway.... what else is new? oh yeah, i didn't cut for like 4 months, and then i did again a couple weeks ago. no one knows tho, so it's all good as far as reality's concerned.
im so confused. about my sexuality, u know.... i know i had romantic feelings for nathan, but not really sexual feelings. whereas so far ive had sexual feelings for females, but not romantic. obviously that could come, since ive never had a female crush. but ive had a fair amount of experience with guys and i was never into the sexual stuff. and fantasizing about sex with men doesnt really turn me on. it doesnt gross me out either... its kind of an uncomfortable thought, sort of, but i'm okay with it. i would enjoy it, depending on the guy, but that would be more of a relational thing than a purely sexual thing. with women, on the other hand.... oh god. but i've had no actual experience. not to mention, i've seriously liked at least a half-dozen guys, and no girls. none that i even sorta flirted with the idea of liking (and i do that a lot- for example, about 3 guys at the moment i see potential with) but no girls. so i guess i'm bi, at the very least.... but does the thing with nathan exclude me from being a lesbian? idk. it confuses me.
oh, and also, i can't come out. i think my parents would be supportive, but they might be alienated. plus they're like mega-christian. idk what they think of bi/homo/whateversexuals. *sigh*...
im so confused. about my sexuality, u know.... i know i had romantic feelings for nathan, but not really sexual feelings. whereas so far ive had sexual feelings for females, but not romantic. obviously that could come, since ive never had a female crush. but ive had a fair amount of experience with guys and i was never into the sexual stuff. and fantasizing about sex with men doesnt really turn me on. it doesnt gross me out either... its kind of an uncomfortable thought, sort of, but i'm okay with it. i would enjoy it, depending on the guy, but that would be more of a relational thing than a purely sexual thing. with women, on the other hand.... oh god. but i've had no actual experience. not to mention, i've seriously liked at least a half-dozen guys, and no girls. none that i even sorta flirted with the idea of liking (and i do that a lot- for example, about 3 guys at the moment i see potential with) but no girls. so i guess i'm bi, at the very least.... but does the thing with nathan exclude me from being a lesbian? idk. it confuses me.
oh, and also, i can't come out. i think my parents would be supportive, but they might be alienated. plus they're like mega-christian. idk what they think of bi/homo/whateversexuals. *sigh*...