my life as it stands
various emotionless updates:
school has started. a few days ago, august 26th. the joys of private school.
im cutting again. not sure why. im not even numb like i was anymore..... yay for getting off my drugs. i'm only on 200 mg of seroquel (a quarter of what i used to be on) and im pretty sure effexor is useless, except that it kills my hunger which i like.
oh, and i was 199.5 a few days ago.
one of the cuts i understand because i was mad at myself... i had a moment (a long, long moment) with nathan, who is "in love" with his girlfriend (who treats him like a human dildo, but whatever) before i realized that this was crazy and wrong and left. unfortunately, im still desperately in love with him. and i think, deep down, he still loves me. he says everything he said in that moment was sincere, even though he shouldnt have said it. and he says he enjoys when she asks him questions about me... possessive questions, like which one of us is better at what. oh, and he promised me that if we ever get back together, we'll slow dance.
oh, and she apparently told him that she wouldnt have saved his life the way i did if she was in that situation. what the hell? mostly, though, i don't think she's a bad person- just a horny newbie with her first bf, caught up in the sex and oblivious to the actual guy. and yes, there is evidence behind this claim- a lot of it- but i hope he can work it out. he really loves her, or thinks he does, idk sometimes. ugh, the drama.
school has started. a few days ago, august 26th. the joys of private school.
im cutting again. not sure why. im not even numb like i was anymore..... yay for getting off my drugs. i'm only on 200 mg of seroquel (a quarter of what i used to be on) and im pretty sure effexor is useless, except that it kills my hunger which i like.
oh, and i was 199.5 a few days ago.
one of the cuts i understand because i was mad at myself... i had a moment (a long, long moment) with nathan, who is "in love" with his girlfriend (who treats him like a human dildo, but whatever) before i realized that this was crazy and wrong and left. unfortunately, im still desperately in love with him. and i think, deep down, he still loves me. he says everything he said in that moment was sincere, even though he shouldnt have said it. and he says he enjoys when she asks him questions about me... possessive questions, like which one of us is better at what. oh, and he promised me that if we ever get back together, we'll slow dance.
oh, and she apparently told him that she wouldnt have saved his life the way i did if she was in that situation. what the hell? mostly, though, i don't think she's a bad person- just a horny newbie with her first bf, caught up in the sex and oblivious to the actual guy. and yes, there is evidence behind this claim- a lot of it- but i hope he can work it out. he really loves her, or thinks he does, idk sometimes. ugh, the drama.