too much is night
"Oh to be the hands of God."
Though these were but faded words, made by our broken down copy machine, they spoke to me through there grey ink and through the years that this hymn has lasted. Oh! to be the hands of God! How can this phrase not be spoken with passion and conviction. To walk in his footsteps! To do as he would have you do! To be who he would have you be, what could be greater?
And yet
I don't feel as if I am the hands of God. I am comfortable at Calvary (I am there so much that I should be). Everyone knows and loves me there. I work there.
And yet...
I am not challenged. I don't feel convicted by the things that I learn. I don't get out of my bubble. And worse of all, I don't feel that I am anywhere close to being one of God's fingers there. As much as I know all the right people, and keep asking them to use me, send me, let me help: they don't. It isn't malicious, it isn't intentional. It is just okay. For me, it has become passionless.
I don't believe picking up and leaving every time you don't like something a church does or something that you aren't getting there. I believe in staying and changing the place you are in, finding out what they know and telling them what you think. But, there seems nothing left for me here. I have tried to help and they don't want it. My vision is not theirs. And even less than that, they don't even bother to listen.
No, I don't think that is quite right. Maybe the time when I belonged there has simply passed. I don't know, I am a little lost right now.
I am, however, immensely intrigued by a Church plant that Scott is setting up. Could this be something where I could make a difference? Is here somewhere where God could use me? I am emailing one of my friends who is helping with the new plant to find out more about it. I don't know, the people that are doing it seem more like minded with me than the people here; and, it just seems interesting.
Though these were but faded words, made by our broken down copy machine, they spoke to me through there grey ink and through the years that this hymn has lasted. Oh! to be the hands of God! How can this phrase not be spoken with passion and conviction. To walk in his footsteps! To do as he would have you do! To be who he would have you be, what could be greater?
And yet
I don't feel as if I am the hands of God. I am comfortable at Calvary (I am there so much that I should be). Everyone knows and loves me there. I work there.
And yet...
I am not challenged. I don't feel convicted by the things that I learn. I don't get out of my bubble. And worse of all, I don't feel that I am anywhere close to being one of God's fingers there. As much as I know all the right people, and keep asking them to use me, send me, let me help: they don't. It isn't malicious, it isn't intentional. It is just okay. For me, it has become passionless.
I don't believe picking up and leaving every time you don't like something a church does or something that you aren't getting there. I believe in staying and changing the place you are in, finding out what they know and telling them what you think. But, there seems nothing left for me here. I have tried to help and they don't want it. My vision is not theirs. And even less than that, they don't even bother to listen.
No, I don't think that is quite right. Maybe the time when I belonged there has simply passed. I don't know, I am a little lost right now.
I am, however, immensely intrigued by a Church plant that Scott is setting up. Could this be something where I could make a difference? Is here somewhere where God could use me? I am emailing one of my friends who is helping with the new plant to find out more about it. I don't know, the people that are doing it seem more like minded with me than the people here; and, it just seems interesting.