[Original] Not Quite as Big as You Think
A/N: Okay so before we go into where the heck I've been, let's just say LJ's been a dick (and hasn't been loading) and schoolwork has taken over my life. Literally. 3 days off during the week = lots of free time? HAHAHAH yeah right. Anyway this is a rough draft for my Creative Writing class. The reason I'm posting it (and not the...3 or 4 others I've written before now) is because I might want to expand on the main character of this piece. Also sorry in advance about the formatting, it's past midnight and I don't really feel like going back through and adding spaces. It's how our Professor wants it (or well he wants it double spaced but I find that even more annoying than single spaced) so that's how I'm keeping it, cuz I don't really feel like printing out more paper than I need to xD
COMMENTS would be appreciated (just please remember yes I know there are errors and I'm uploading this with that knowledge. It's called a rough draft for a reason xD)
Not Quite as Big as You Think
It spread like wildfire, but then again any news of this kind would. Gossip was a regular thing here, bouncing wall to wall through the crowd, being passed on by even those who thought it was stupid, so it could be laughed at, mangled, taunted, and then brutally shoved onto the next person. Even if the gossip was, in fact, not about the one who scored all the touchdowns, or got a homerun, but in fact the person who got first place in the science fair even though, as high school students, we were all too old for that.
Or maybe it just got more competitive. I’d never participated; I was too dumb for that shit. The reason it mattered? For the love of Mac and Cheese the guy was my best friend.
“So you’re saying she kissed you?” I could barely contain the amusement in my voice, let alone the way my lips threatened to split across my face in a smile. “Like-legitimately she came onto you? And she wasn’t drunk?”
“You’re not making this any easier, man.” Poor, awkward, Jacob. He bowed his head half in embarrassment and half out of shame.
“Am I supposed to? I mean jeez, she’s been your neighbor since forever, right?” The “she” in question being Elizabeth Young, one of the most popular girls here at Oakview High. Well, okay maybe not most popular, but close enough for people to talk. “She never looked your way-not even once, and then suddenly bam, this happens.” It had been the talk of the school since first period, how she’d practically been all over Jacob the night before -lips and tongue and teeth, the whole nine miles and then some. Food analogies notwithstanding, she was like pudding and he was the proverbial spoon. Jacob groaned loudly, but it was muffled through his jeans, and honestly if this had been any other time I would’ve congratulated him. If this had been anyone else they would be deserving of a high five and double cheese burger at the local BK the next time I managed to land me some cash.
Jacob didn’t like cheese burgers. Lactose intolerant idiot.
“It’s not that simple.” His words were muffled too, until he decided to raise his head a bit to rest his chin on his knees. He was definitely one hundred percent thinking too hard. “I didn’t want her to.”
“Dude, why?”
“You don’t even like her.” He frowned but didn’t quite look at me, “Why’s it matter to you what she does?”
“Cuz it involves you, maybe?” I was half tempted to reach over and pat him on the back, but I didn’t. My arm stayed frozen at my side, fingers playing with the sticky note I’d crumpled up some while ago. I forgot what I even wrote on it. “Yeah so I don’t give a flying Crabby Patty about popular girls and what they do for kicks but I swear if she’s messin’ with you, I’ll-”
“Eddy, you know you won’t.” He cut me off with a wry smile. “Not that I don’t appreciate it and all but the best thing you could do for me right now is forget it happened.”
“The school’s not gonna forget.” My comeback was instantaneous as I leaned my head back and stared at the ceiling tiles (brown around the edges from water damage). “I need a smart comeback, to keep the nosy ones at bay until this whole thing blows over.”
“You don’t have to stand up for me.” He was pulling away again, into that little shell of his that he thought could protect him. Not gonna work. No way in hell was it gonna work.
“Dude,” I clasped a hand on his knee and he froze, “I’m your friend aren’t I? Of course I’m gonna stand up for ya when the going gets rough.” He looked shocked by that, or maybe it was finally settling in. I gave him a smile, but that only seemed to make it worse. “Jacob?” Maybe I shouldn’t have touched him. He hated being touched.
“Nothing.” It felt like watching a peach rot, its insides slowly turning to mush and the skin sinking in as it lost its perfect butt shape. Jacob stood up and coughed. I knew the water damage got to him, or at least the mold did. It was a wonder why he even came down here anymore. “I’m…going to go back upstairs.” He doesn’t even try to smile as he slowly staggered to the stairs, like his legs were half asleep. “Thanks though.” He said at the door, but he wasn’t looking at me.
“No problem, man.” I said to the closing door.
Why the hell did I feel like I fucked up?
**
“So I heard they started dating.” I grimaced inwardly when I heard her voice somewhere to the right of me. It didn’t take long before the smell hit me like a ton of bricks: dandelions and peaches, her two favorite things. The bench sagged a little at the added weight and I tried not to grimace.
“What do you want, Emily?”
“Don’t get snappy at me,” I watched her out of the corner of my eye, picking at her teeth, “I was just curious.”
“About what?” I already knew this was going to be a long one. Dammit. What did I do to deserve this today? “What could I know that you don’t?”
“Oh you know-your best friends status on facebook, for one.”
“He doesn’t have a facebook.”
“That he tells you about.” I glared at her, she huffed back. “No seriously, I’m curious.”
“No seriously,” I mimicked, not even bothering to keep the sardonic tone out of my voice, “What are you talking about?”
“Are. They. Dating?”
“Who?” I turned to look at her fully now. There was no way I was gonna eat my Hamburger and fries with her sitting right there stinking up the place. “I’m trying to eat in case it’s not obvious-and you smell.”
“And you’re fat.” She didn’t seem to care that she was fatter or that, fuck, I was huggable, not fat. “I mean Jacob and Lizzy-Elizabeth. She’s been hanging off him since the incident.”
“She’s jaded.” I scooted as far away as I could from her, but the bench only lasted so long and I’d already been sitting at the edge of the table. “She’ll get over him.”
“Just like you’ll get over your little boy-crush?” I froze. She smiled, and I felt distinctly like someone just punched me.
“You’re crazy.” I was practically falling off the bench now, fucking hell-how stupid was that? My appetite was gone anyway. ” We dated remember?” Unless the memory was too god awful for her to remember. I wasn’t that bad of a boyfriend, was I?
“We were just kids, Ed, and as they say, you don’t really know who you are till your thirties.” She worked herself up, stepping haphazardly over the bench and straightening her blouse which was still too small for her despite her repeated attempts to say she’d lost weight. “You certainly seem defensive about it, in any case.” I wanted to punch her maybe, or just…throw up. Or maybe take a shower.
“Maybe it’s cuz she’ll drop him like raw meat the next chance she gets?” Maybe that’s why I’m worried? Jacob wasn’t interested in her anyway was he? “You know how she is. It’s all over the goddamn school. People are betting on this.”
She didn’t bother to look at me with her next words, and maybe I was glad she didn’t. “So if they actual do date, would you be happy?” I never graced her with a response either.
I really needed a goddamn shower.
**
It was next Tuesday before I got a chance to ask. Next Tuesday at Wendy’s, me a burger, him a sad excuse for a salad (cheese unceremoniously chucked onto a napkin) when I got around to asking him: “Y’know Em thinks you’re dating.” On second thought maybe I should have waited till after he took a sip of his sprite, but damn it was kind of funny to see him choke.
“What?” He wheezed out after he’d learned to breathe again. “Please tell me you’re lying.”
“Nope.” I picked up a french fry, slathered it in mustard, and chucked it in my mouth. “Tried tellin’ her off but you know how she is.” From the way his face paled I knew he knew, “She’ll stop at nothing and your grandmother to spread the news.”
“My grandma’s been dead for five years.”
“See?” Another French fry, “She’s just crazy enough to do it too.”
“Bring back the dead or tell everybody what she thinks is-”
“The truth.” I finished for him, “She also said Elizabeth’s been hanging off ya like the cheese on a grilled cheese sandwich.”
“Stop with the cheese references.”
“Sorry.” I wasn’t sorry, I grinned and shoved another couple of French fries in my mouth, “Was she hangin’ off you though?”
“More like hovering.” Jacob pushed around a grape tomato with his fork. “Apparently I was good at-”
“Dude don’t wanna know about your mad kissing skills, kay thanks.”
The fork pierced the tomato and maybe I said too much. We fell silent as he chewed, purposefully, at the unfortunate tomato and it was only after he swallowed that he finished. “I didn’t mean that.”
“Then what did you mean?” Jacob pushed his chair back and stood up, grabbing his tray and…hey wait a second. “Dude where are you going?”
“To throw this away.” He’d barely touched most of the salad. Dammit I said too much again, didn’t I?
**
“What if we are dating?” The question came on a Saturday when he’d actually made me sit down and study for a test. Or rather he was sitting and I was lying on my stomach, contemplating on getting another pudding-cup from downstairs.
“Say what?” I turned my head to him and raised an eyebrow. “You’re not seriously thinking of taking her up on the offer, are ya? We’re at my place dude, no thinking about girls here.” Unless we had a mutual agreement on their hotness anyway, and Elizabeth was a dick, even if she was a chick.
“I was just asking.” He flipped through a few more pages of his History book and wrote down another name. I never knew anyone else who studied for History tests as much as he did, then again he’d told me before he’d been bad at History. I guess smart people have to study for something, even if they’d still make A’s. “Would you be mad?”
“Dude it’s your life, not mine, why the hell would I be mad? Other than for the obvious reasons that she’d probably drop you like -”
“No cheese references please.” He cut me off. “Or Spongebob. Why do you even still watch that show?” “Dude, don’t make fun of spongebob!” He chucked under his breath and wrote down another name, place and date. Another flip.
“Whatever you say, Eddy. Which what were you saying? Go on?” I didn’t know if he meant it or not, not that it mattered. I’d tell him anyway.
“-she’d drop you right when you made it official. I told Em this but that’s just the kind of girl she is, do you really want your first dating experience to be with her?”
“Not really.” Okay maybe I hadn’t been expecting a fast answer, as he closed his text book and turned to me, “I guess I’d want someone who didn’t date either, but I guess that’s kind of hard to come by right now. I mean everyone dates. Even you have.”
“And it didn’t end well.” I grimaced, “Then again I was stupid and thought Em was decent.”
“Maybe she was, back then? I mean you guys dated in Middle school right?”
“Or maybe we were just two fat kids hooking up cuz everyone expected it.” At least back then I hadn’t felt bad about eating as much as I did. I chuckled at the memory, “Damn I was fat then. Can you believe I thought bringing three sandwiches for lunch wasn’t a lot?”
“Yeah,” Jacob laughed and flipped through his notes again, and again, and again. “And you had those big sandwiches too. I don’t think I’d be able to eat even one of them. You’re better now, though, right?” He stopped flipping for a moment and cocked his head to the side. “I mean you…aren’t as big.” Suddenly the atmosphere took a nose dive.
“Yeah I guess.” I was wearing a sweatshirt again-one of the old ones (one of the few I hadn’t tossed after 8th grade) that was, personally, a favorite. It still had mustard stains on the sleeves from months of eating nothing but fries and mustard. Screw the ketchup, who needed it anyway? “Em really let herself go, though.”
“But she still looks nice too.”
“And you’re too nice.” I paused. Wait, dammit, “I mean…personality wise. You’d probably let a girl walk all over you if you dated ‘em. Unless they were like some wallflower that never spoke.”
“I guess, yeah.” When I glanced back down at Jacob he wasn’t looking at anything in particular, which was odd and didn’t help. Really, really didn’t. “I’m not really interested in girls anyway.” Wait. What? He turned to me and smiled, “Kidding.” Except he wasn’t kidding. I knew he couldn’t be kidding-his voice was too damn serious for him to be kidding-
“Em said we didn’t know who we were till we were thirty or some shit.” The words tumbled out and dammit I could see that shell closing in again. “Not that I care man, if …if that’s what you uh, I mean…” I trailed off lamely, watching as he gathered his books, notes, pens, papers, and tossed them into his backpack.
“I was kidding.” He said again, standing. His eyes focused somewhere behind me but I didn’t bother looking back. “I can take one of those downstairs if you want. I need to leave anyway.” Need-not want. I really had screwed up.
“No dude, it’s okay. I can get them myself.” I reached for the closest one but somehow it felt wrong, and weird, and gross, like mayonnaise. I hated that stuff. Gross as hell, and it smelled bad too. Not as bad as peaches, but close enough. I grabbed the spoon first, then the cup and turned back. Turned back to Jacob standing there, watching me. “See?” God it was lame. So damn lame.
“Yeah I see.” The words sounded cold, clipped, and maybe kind of sad. “I guess I’ll be going then.” And maybe a part of me was relieved to hear that. Relieved because now the smell would go away and I could breathe a little easier. We could talk about it later, over phone, over chat, over anything. He was at the door now and I stood. His hand was on the doorknob, turning it, but I couldn’t let him leave without saying bye, right?
“Dude-”
“I was kidding.” He repeated for the, what, third time? “About wanting to date her. I don’t.” My mouth snapped shut and maybe he choked a little. Or was that me?
All I managed out before the door slammed was a simple: “Good.”
Damn that was lame.
**
Hey man, im srry for yesterday. You rlly caught me off guard!
Really? Sorry.
Yeah but dude srsly its cool with me if u swing that way! Doesn’t change anything btwn us, I promise!
I thought you didn’t like promises. But ok. And I really don’t
you sure?
just b/c I say I don’t want to date her doesn’t mean I automatically don’t like girls, Eddy.
if u say so. even if u did I’d still smack ‘em if they hurt u.
you’d smack yourself?
huh?
Just kidding ;)