Title: Well Isn’t That Awkward
Fandom: D. Gray Man (durr)
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Kanda/Alma, Lavi, mentions of Lenalee, assumed Lavi/Kanda (onesided)
Rated: T (for MPREG mostly, and some crude language)
Summary: In which Lavi advises against it, but Alma thinks it’s a great surprise. “Hey, Yuu? I think I’m pregnant. With your Baby.” Things can’t go well.
Prompt: Kandax(male)Alma-“I think I’m pregnant”
For:
pywenA/N: Had way more fun writing this than I thought I would. It’s slight AU in the fact that Alma never died all those years ago (Kanda somehow convinced him to live), and as such he’s an Exorcist of the Black Order. Also takes place before Allen arrives (not that that’s of any importance, just…extra tidbit if anyone’s curious). Also sorry this is later than I thought…I’m beginning to suspect my computer is out to get me for over-usage, considering right when I have time to write-it suddenly malfunctions. Lovely little thing, isn’t it? =w=
00-00-00
“He really is making a bigger deal out of this than he needs to,” Alma sighed for the third time, sifting through some of the larger shirts in his closet, “I mean after all-this is normal, right?”
“Normal for you, yeah,” Lavi eyed the boy in front of him. The signs were there-slightly bulging stomach, the gentle way he seemed to handle himself as opposed to the violent thrashing around he usually did during training, but-“Yuu’s gonna throw a fit.”
Alma paused in his sifting and turned to look back at him, frowning, “No he won’t.” Yeah, yeah he will, “He can’t.”
“I’d say ‘wanna bet’ but it doesn’t feel appropriate, neh?” Lavi pushed himself up out of the chair, cringing just a bit as old wounds resurfaced. He couldn’t really blame Alma for dodging so much, now, even though he’d thought it was stupid at the time. Just added babyfat. Right. He was taught better than that-anything and everything can and will be possible.
Yes, he should know that by now. Bookman had told him as much. But really?
“What’s inappropriate about it?” Lavi cringed when Alma slipped the shirt he’d been wearing up over his head and donned the slightly baggier shirt. He looked completely normal now-bulge hidden and all. Like he wasn’t even-“It’s a baby.”
“That’s exactly why.” Lavi sighed heavily, “It’s because it’s-an unborn baby. Seriously? Alma, y’know-” Alma cast him a glance. He was still pouting--dammit--“Yuu isn’t going to take it well. Trust me, maybe you should-”
“Maybe I’ll tell him tomorrow.”
“No!” Alma blinked, curiously, and Lavi sighed again, “more like you shouldn’t tell him at all!”
“But why not, our baby deserves to know who its father is!”
“You should at least give him-your kid a chance at life first!” Maybe he shouldn’t have said it like that. In fact, with the startled half-horrified look on Alma’s face-Lavi really wanted to punch himself in the gut. Repeatedly. “I-I mean…Yuu…Yuu really isn’t going to take it well.”
“Then you really don’t know Yuu at all.” Lavi felt his stomach drop, “He wouldn’t hurt me or my baby.” Lavi wanted to prove otherwise-really he did. After all, Alma always had bruises the nights afterward, but Lavi always attributed it to Kanda liking it rough, and Alma equally so. Hell he’d gone so far as to make up excuses for them! For the noise! For the-
But this-
Lavi sighed again, “’Kay just-let me go with you. Okay?”
Alma beamed, “Of course!” Then paused and placed a hand on his stomach, “You said ‘him’ earlier, right? How do you know it’s a boy?”
Lavi blinked once, then twice, “Ah, well it’s-not exactly…well…calling a baby ‘it’ jus’ doesn’t feel right, y’know?”
Alma’s smile got impossibly brighter, “You’re right! I don’t really know that much about babies.” Lavi wanted to laugh, really he did, especially when realization hit and Alma’s eyes widened, “Is that why you’ve been following me around since I told you?” Lavi nodded his head, walking the few steps it took to cross the room and ruffle Alma’s hair in the process.
“Yup. Been watchin’ you like a hawk.”
“So you aren’t jealous?” The question was almost too quiet for him to hear.
“Huh?”
But the smile made up for it, he supposed, and his stomach dropped just a little, “Never mind. Thank you.”
00-00-00
Which is how he found himself in front of Kanda’s room at some god forsaken hour in the morning. It was way too early for any sane man to be up, and yet Kanda would be up-meditating down in one of the training rooms. Alma had gone to fetch him and had promised to wait till they had successfully restrained Kanda to tell him the ‘good’ news.
Lavi still thought this was a bad idea. But he’d stay because he promised he would -and that promise he wouldn’t break. Even if it was a promise to himself. So he waited-and waited, until he heard Alma’s lighthearted giggle from down the hall, and Kanda’s gruff voice accompanying it. Lavi tried to swallow his growing apprehension, but it didn’t really matter once they rounded the corner and he could see them. Alma looking joyous as ever and Kanda-
Looking like someone had just socked him in the face.
He knew something was wrong. Oh hell. Lavi’s mission just got harder.
“The fuck?” Kanda growled, lips turning to a deeper frown, “What’s the idiot rabbit doing here?”
“Just because~” Alma didn’t look like he had a care in the world. Really. One day that cheerfulness was going to backfire on him, even if it made Kanda a little less of a prick to the entire human race.
“That’s not-”
“Yuu, I’m hurt!” Lavi attempted to tease, “Y’don’t want to see me at-what is it? Five in the morning?”
“Five thirty.” Well, that didn’t work. Lavi deflated a little.
“Right.”
“That doesn’t matter,” Alma tugged on Kanda’s wrist and Lavi noticed he wasn’t wearing a baggy shirt today.
Kanda could easily see the bulge in Alma’s stomach-well talk about subtle. Lavi hoped that Kanda would think ‘oh he’s getting fat’ and leave at that. But this was Kanda.
Wait. This was Kanda. He probably wouldn’t get it.
Lavi cringed, but he was vaguely aware of being ushered into the room. The door clicked with a sort of finality that held little room for argument-or in this case, escape.
Lavi would stick through this, though, he had to. For Alma’s sake.
“Now what the fuck is-”
“Yuu.”
“What the hell do you want?” Kanda glanced from Alma to Lavi then back to Alma, “Well?”
“That’s not a very nice way to start a conversation, Yuu.”
“And you could have gotten sliced in fucking two when you interrupted me earlier.” Alma flinched, “Now why the -hell-did you drag me all the way back here for, and why is Lavi here? An before you say-” He gave an extra pointed glare at Alma, “that he’s here ‘just because’-he sleeps like a fucking log on a good day. What’s wrong?”
A little bit of that cheerfulness Lavi had seen earlier drained slowly away from Alma’s features. Well at least he’s finally getting it Lavi mused, even though he felt slightly (okay not really) bad for it. But really? Did Kanda have to look at him like that?
Lavi sighed, “Well y’see, Yuu-”
“I didn’t ask you.” Lavi cringed.
“He’d probably answer better than I could.” Alma muttered, he was looking at his feet now, one hand absentmindedly placed on his stomach. Immediately Kanda’s gaze fell to said hand -and his eyes narrowed.
“Are you sick?”
Alma jolted and glanced up, “No!”
“Then what’s wrong?” Lavi had to give him credit for sounding so worried. It’d certainly lure Alma into a false sense of security.
But that’s why Lavi was here. In case that ‘security’ blew up in his face.
“W-Well.” Alma swallowed then-in a flash-he smiled. Lavi’s jaw nearly dropped, “I think I’m pregnant. With your baby.”
At least he said ‘I think’.
But really? In the end it didn’t matter.
Kanda fainted from the shock
00-00-00 One Hour Later //EXTRA 00-00-00
“Never knew Yuu was one t’faint.” Lavi chuckled as he poked Kanda’s slightly reddened cheek experimentally. Neither had been fast enough to catch him (they hadn’t expected him to fall in the first place), and as such he now had a rather painful looking bruise on his left cheek from when he’d made contact with the floor. Or rather Lavi assumed it was painful, but knowing Kanda the bruise would go away before he even woke up. But until that hour passed, Alma was taking very good care of him.
If ‘taking care of’ could consist of staring aimlessly at the bowl of water Lenalee had brought by earlier. Staring and-oh was that a scowl? “Shut up, Lavi, it got old a while ago.” And an unhappy phrase to go with!
Lavi grinned, “Well s’a lot better than ‘im beatin’ you up an’ callin’ you a liar.”
Alma blinked and jerked his eyes up to focus on him, “He wouldn’t.”
“Well he certainly didn’t take it well.” Alma cast a glance at Kanda’s sleeping (assumeably) figure, “And y’know you’re gonna have to tell Lena-and th’nurse-soon.”
“I’ve already told the nurses--all of them. You should know that, Lavi, you got dragged along with me.”
“Yeah I know, but y'only told 'em you were pregnant, but y'never said that's the reason Yuu fainted.” Lavi sighed and leaned back, “That’ll be a funny story, don’tcha think?”
“You think everything’s a funny story, Lavi.” Lavi couldn’t help but grin, “One of these days you’ll run into something that you can’t make a joke out of-then we’ll see what you do.”
“But in the meantime,” Lavi leaned forward and poked Kanda’s reddened cheek again, “I’ll have all the fun I want~”