Back!
It's been a very very long time since I've written...I know, I know.
What can I say?
I never thought I'd be able to stop writing in here because it seemed like the only place I could write and talk. No, let's be honest- it was a place where I knew people would read what I had to say and I used that to my full benefit. But I like to think that everyone did in a way. And if they didn't then kudos to them for keeping it personal and clean. Better I guess, although it does sting my pride to say so :p
Im writing because its been on my mind alot lately and today seems like a boring blah day of work, headache and nausea.
Im just getting over a cold, but I still have this insane nausea and headache which I think is caused by switching my birth control from Alesse..nice simple light alesse...to minovral, which is a bigger dose.
It sucks because all I can think of is- what if Im pregnant and this is mornign sickness????!!!
But then again I think - it cant be! Ive taken them regularly with only one pill being an hour and a half late which is nothing!!!
ugh....stupid stupid minovral. Ive been thinking of switching to a constant dose where I dont have to take a pill every night, but if my body doesnt like it im in shit! lol
So this is me right now-
Apartment
Working
Jon
Gavin
Family
Its summer so I pretty much just spend time with Jon and work and try to avoid Gavin as much as possible. Damnit hes an annoying roommate and Im so eager to have him gone. One month!! Thats it! One Month! Things will be so much easier when school starts and hes gone and Jon and I can focus on work school and each other and have all the privacy we need to do everything.
I love Jon so much. Hes become my life, my everything. This morning I woke up feeling sick so I woke him and told him (Im a big suck I know :p) and immediately hes out of bed getting ice packs to cool us down (sooo hot in our room) and gives me the side of the bed with the fan :). Hes such a sweetheart. Then he cradles me in his arms and rubs my belly until I fall asleep again. It was so amazing, it makes me want to cry in my stupid emotional state lol. But honestly...I couldnt ask for a better person to share my life with. Hes more than I ever allowed myself to hope for. Hes caring, understanding, intelligent, adventurous in just the right ways and yes...hes a great lover. I know thats not top on my list but it sure is amazing when making love becomes a language in itself.
Although the one thing that Im really not happy with right now is the fact that I havent done pilates in over a week. I was doing so well! But then the wedding in Owen Sound and then me being sick and I just dont feel like it. I feel like Id pass out if I tried! lol
But im SO scared that Im gaining weight again :s I lost so many inches and last night I had nachos at the movies and at the wedding I had pizza and ugh...i just couldnt stand to move the 2 notches on my belt back..I think Id cry so hard.
Jon says Im crazy and I shoudl stop worrying so much about my weight. But for the first time in a very long time I actually feel like Im in control of it and I can make the choices to change my body.
I know Im nto really fat. Im more of a ...bigger person I guess. But even saying that hurts because I dont want to be one of those bigger girls that people look at and think...man she must looooove to eat or something horrible like that.
I mean...i eat so healthy now!!! Ill admit- when I first started losing weight I was surviving on salad wraps and thats about it. But I should still be able to look good and eat a balanced diet of more than lettuce!!! And I have been. I just have to stop the nachos and pizza thing and eat healthy again. Oh and pilates.
Ok this is my compromise:
- Eat healthy again (1500 calories a day) No more no less, within reason fo course.
- Do the Intense 8 minute ab workout tonight to get myslef into it again
- Do Step 1 pilates tomorrow after work. Then shower. (that always makes me excited..i love showering off all that hard earned sweat...im insane I know...)
Done and done!!!
you know...that makes me feel so much better :)
I think im gonna start writing in here again jsut to monitor myself in my eating and excercise. Not in a creepy way. In a healthy way. More of a...journal thats there to remind myself how beautiful I am instead of a journal to write down how sad I am.
Because really..Im not sad anymore. Everytime I feel sad I just look around my apartment or look at Jon and think- what do i have to be sad about? Im the luckies girl in the world with all of my family close by and my lover in my arms.
:)
What can I say?
I never thought I'd be able to stop writing in here because it seemed like the only place I could write and talk. No, let's be honest- it was a place where I knew people would read what I had to say and I used that to my full benefit. But I like to think that everyone did in a way. And if they didn't then kudos to them for keeping it personal and clean. Better I guess, although it does sting my pride to say so :p
Im writing because its been on my mind alot lately and today seems like a boring blah day of work, headache and nausea.
Im just getting over a cold, but I still have this insane nausea and headache which I think is caused by switching my birth control from Alesse..nice simple light alesse...to minovral, which is a bigger dose.
It sucks because all I can think of is- what if Im pregnant and this is mornign sickness????!!!
But then again I think - it cant be! Ive taken them regularly with only one pill being an hour and a half late which is nothing!!!
ugh....stupid stupid minovral. Ive been thinking of switching to a constant dose where I dont have to take a pill every night, but if my body doesnt like it im in shit! lol
So this is me right now-
Apartment
Working
Jon
Gavin
Family
Its summer so I pretty much just spend time with Jon and work and try to avoid Gavin as much as possible. Damnit hes an annoying roommate and Im so eager to have him gone. One month!! Thats it! One Month! Things will be so much easier when school starts and hes gone and Jon and I can focus on work school and each other and have all the privacy we need to do everything.
I love Jon so much. Hes become my life, my everything. This morning I woke up feeling sick so I woke him and told him (Im a big suck I know :p) and immediately hes out of bed getting ice packs to cool us down (sooo hot in our room) and gives me the side of the bed with the fan :). Hes such a sweetheart. Then he cradles me in his arms and rubs my belly until I fall asleep again. It was so amazing, it makes me want to cry in my stupid emotional state lol. But honestly...I couldnt ask for a better person to share my life with. Hes more than I ever allowed myself to hope for. Hes caring, understanding, intelligent, adventurous in just the right ways and yes...hes a great lover. I know thats not top on my list but it sure is amazing when making love becomes a language in itself.
Although the one thing that Im really not happy with right now is the fact that I havent done pilates in over a week. I was doing so well! But then the wedding in Owen Sound and then me being sick and I just dont feel like it. I feel like Id pass out if I tried! lol
But im SO scared that Im gaining weight again :s I lost so many inches and last night I had nachos at the movies and at the wedding I had pizza and ugh...i just couldnt stand to move the 2 notches on my belt back..I think Id cry so hard.
Jon says Im crazy and I shoudl stop worrying so much about my weight. But for the first time in a very long time I actually feel like Im in control of it and I can make the choices to change my body.
I know Im nto really fat. Im more of a ...bigger person I guess. But even saying that hurts because I dont want to be one of those bigger girls that people look at and think...man she must looooove to eat or something horrible like that.
I mean...i eat so healthy now!!! Ill admit- when I first started losing weight I was surviving on salad wraps and thats about it. But I should still be able to look good and eat a balanced diet of more than lettuce!!! And I have been. I just have to stop the nachos and pizza thing and eat healthy again. Oh and pilates.
Ok this is my compromise:
- Eat healthy again (1500 calories a day) No more no less, within reason fo course.
- Do the Intense 8 minute ab workout tonight to get myslef into it again
- Do Step 1 pilates tomorrow after work. Then shower. (that always makes me excited..i love showering off all that hard earned sweat...im insane I know...)
Done and done!!!
you know...that makes me feel so much better :)
I think im gonna start writing in here again jsut to monitor myself in my eating and excercise. Not in a creepy way. In a healthy way. More of a...journal thats there to remind myself how beautiful I am instead of a journal to write down how sad I am.
Because really..Im not sad anymore. Everytime I feel sad I just look around my apartment or look at Jon and think- what do i have to be sad about? Im the luckies girl in the world with all of my family close by and my lover in my arms.
:)