.::.A Crystalline Tear Streams Down Her Cheek.::.
What did I do to find suck a wonderful guy and then screw it up because of my confusion? The jist of Mark's and my convo today. "What are your feelings on our relationship?" Its workin alright. I have feelings for ya." honestly don't know super confused" "I'm sorry, do you know why?" "things keep piling up don't know what to do anymore." sorry bout that, it makes me sad that you're hurting. maybe once youre settled things'll get better. I'm there for you, whether as a bf or friend or w/e." Would you mind just being friends til i figure things out?" Alright I'll give ya time Jess, let you figure it out. just friends will be cool, it will be a great joy of mine" "what did i do to deserve someone like you in my life" "you said hi and that i am very grateful for"
(BTW: Italics is me, bold is him)
I am on the verge of tears because he really does mean a lot to me, and I just don't know what I want anymore. I want so much to be with him, but at the same time its so hard for me... I'm an emotional wreck right now. I only started having so many issues once this whole moving thing came into place and knowledge. I don't know which way is right and which is left. And it hurts me so much. I have never seen so many "..." from Mark.. and it worries me makes me feel so horrible. He's probably the greatest guy I've come across and look what life puts me through.. I mean I just can't win. He's just ... wonderful.. and I hate it lol. Seriously, what did I do to deserve him or someone anywhere near his amazingness. (if that's a word)... I'm not the greatest girl. I'm a bitch lol. I'm the one that everyone walks all over, the one who lets friends betray her and then accepts them back into her life without a second thought no matter how much they hurt her. I'm the girl that is always putting down herself because she honestly doesn't believe in herself. She just needs someone to push her and encourage her and love her unconditionally. And its sooo hard because the only thing I've ever wanted was for someone to be proud of me and the choices I make/made... Someone who won't judge me regardless of what I've done or do.
So how is it that he can challenge me in his way and eventually I'll give in or whatever. How is it that he can make me smile without doing a damn thing... Why did I have to become so f-en confused right now. I just really want to know that... Okay, going to go now before I make myself cry although I'm close to it now.
[Edit]My heart is broken... I know what I want... I just need time... I wish I could say everything I said to Aaron in the past half hour to him... [End Edit]
Why does he have to be so wonderful....
~jessica
.::.A crystalline tear streams down her cheek
As she walks away, her heart as confused as ever
As she looks back over her shoulder
She realizes what she's saying goodbye to
What did she do to deserve someone so great
And then screw it all up by her own hearts confusion.::.
(BTW: Italics is me, bold is him)
I am on the verge of tears because he really does mean a lot to me, and I just don't know what I want anymore. I want so much to be with him, but at the same time its so hard for me... I'm an emotional wreck right now. I only started having so many issues once this whole moving thing came into place and knowledge. I don't know which way is right and which is left. And it hurts me so much. I have never seen so many "..." from Mark.. and it worries me makes me feel so horrible. He's probably the greatest guy I've come across and look what life puts me through.. I mean I just can't win. He's just ... wonderful.. and I hate it lol. Seriously, what did I do to deserve him or someone anywhere near his amazingness. (if that's a word)... I'm not the greatest girl. I'm a bitch lol. I'm the one that everyone walks all over, the one who lets friends betray her and then accepts them back into her life without a second thought no matter how much they hurt her. I'm the girl that is always putting down herself because she honestly doesn't believe in herself. She just needs someone to push her and encourage her and love her unconditionally. And its sooo hard because the only thing I've ever wanted was for someone to be proud of me and the choices I make/made... Someone who won't judge me regardless of what I've done or do.
So how is it that he can challenge me in his way and eventually I'll give in or whatever. How is it that he can make me smile without doing a damn thing... Why did I have to become so f-en confused right now. I just really want to know that... Okay, going to go now before I make myself cry although I'm close to it now.
[Edit]My heart is broken... I know what I want... I just need time... I wish I could say everything I said to Aaron in the past half hour to him... [End Edit]
Why does he have to be so wonderful....
~jessica
.::.A crystalline tear streams down her cheek
As she walks away, her heart as confused as ever
As she looks back over her shoulder
She realizes what she's saying goodbye to
What did she do to deserve someone so great
And then screw it all up by her own hearts confusion.::.