.::.One Single Breath, Blow All My Dreams Away.::.

[harmonicwolf]

So tomorrow's my birthday and I should be excited, but I'm not. Every year something goes wrong, something screws it up somehow. Why should I be excited over something like that... I'm so sick of hoping for something that isn't going to happen. And I know hope is sometimes all we have left.... but for me I don't have any hope left for any area of my life. I just take it day by day and I'm thankful for every day that I have a job or I'm lucky enough to be going to school. I'm thankful for the good days I have with my sister and I wish I didn't give up on her, I wish she didn't give me a reason to give up on her or despise her... I don't know... I'm turning into the dangerous person to be with... the kind you'll get frustrated with or learn to hate.... I love to work... I love to stay anywhere but my house... anywhere but school.. I would love to just work all day every day.... I'm a workaholic. Last couple weeks I've worked 6 days a week, yeah plenty of over time....I like that though. The less time I'm home the less time I have to see my sister or find something else she's taken or argue about how badly I want her out... even though I know my mother will never do it. I'm so tempted to just say fuck it and find a place for me to live, let my mother and sister figure out how they are going to survive without my help. I just can't do it anymore. I honestly can't. I know my birthday is pretty much screwed up already... thanks to my sister... I know I miss my girls, but I just need to get away from them all. I'm tempted to do something irrational and completely crazy... I just don't know what... Any ideas?

Over and out another year gone...

~jessica