life is nothing like they promised...
so today is my day off. i did somethings earlier that i needed to do... stupid adult things. crossed off a good portion of my to do list. so i decided to take a break and just do something i felt like doing. i was looking around for something to do (that didn't require me to try to unpack things... so anything involving art supplies was out. :( ) and came across the SVA graduate study catalogue i recieved a few weeks ago and have yet to have time to look into. so... i've been browsing that for the past... hour? i now feel... sad... and inspired... and movtivated... and i dont even know... all at the same time. i am feeling stagnant. like i should be persuing something meaningful instead of doing nothing. it made me very nostalgic for school. i am daydreaming of art classes and it makes me so rediculously sad. i hate how much i value that part of my life after its over... and, upon reflection, how little i valued it while i was living it. i work with a bunch of high school and/or college age kids now. and they talk all the time about how they want so much to be done with school. and it makes me want to punch them because right now i would give a hell of a lot to be right back where they are. real life freaking blows. especially when its nothing like you thought it would be. i've earned my degree. i should be off doing amazing things with it. but i'm not. i'm stuck in two dead end craptastic jobs that i hate. i feel like i've let myself down. and that i've let down all the amazing professors i've had that spent their time and energy and caring on me and my education. i want to be doing something more meaningful. i want to go back to the time of my life where my only job was to learn things. i have a strange urge to pull out old textbooks just to read them... for fun.