Lack of Content...Lacking Contentment
I keep attempting to accomplish...ANYTHING...
My recent attempt to feng shui my bedroom has turned it into a pile of furniture misplaced indecisively; scattered in weird angles...it's anything but "positive flow".
For some reason I've been battling with my own goddamn FURNITURE since getting back home in FEBRUARY.
So as far as getting back in touch with friends and actually having a life, I feel that I have completely FAILED.
SXSW week was off to a good start, what with attending the Steampunk event that so many friends were involved with...
I haven't seen or spoken with a single friend since. And that event was, umm...TWO WEEKS AGO.
I had my hopes up for the BassChakra shows that Thursday and Saturday, but friends never got in touch, plans fell through, etc, etc...
I've developed some extreme anxiety, haven't been able to sleep properly, and though I'm constantly awake, am too ridiculously tired and foggy headed to really accomplish anything. ...might be some of that there COMPLETE LACK OF CONFIDENCE thing too...
I mean, who wants to "accomplish great goals" when they're too damn lonely and unsettled to look in the goddamn mirror?
Worst part is, when I get this way (...whatever way "this" is), I find it imFUCKINGpossible to communicate with people, (especially ORALLY) ...but I'm so fucking...lonely...
You wouldn't BELIEVE how much time I spend contemplating how to get back in communication with people...I'm just too goddamn (insert whatever the FUCK you call this social anxiety bullshit feeling) to SPEAK...or...drop by, write...anything...
It's a shambles...I don't feel "ready" to leave the house, ever...but I can't stand being here.....like this...
I don't know what this feeling is, but today it's finally made me BREAK DOWN with PANIC ATTACKS... (never had blood come out of my nose after crying before)
I don't feel confident enough to rEaChOuTfOrAfRiEnD...
A friend...
I really wish I had.....someone to spend time...around...
You know...
Besides myself...
I'm affected.
I'm officially afflicted.
This has gone too far.
This is BULLSHIT.
...how the fuck do I get out?
"Just -get out-..."
It's just not that fucking easy...
My recent attempt to feng shui my bedroom has turned it into a pile of furniture misplaced indecisively; scattered in weird angles...it's anything but "positive flow".
For some reason I've been battling with my own goddamn FURNITURE since getting back home in FEBRUARY.
So as far as getting back in touch with friends and actually having a life, I feel that I have completely FAILED.
SXSW week was off to a good start, what with attending the Steampunk event that so many friends were involved with...
I haven't seen or spoken with a single friend since. And that event was, umm...TWO WEEKS AGO.
I had my hopes up for the BassChakra shows that Thursday and Saturday, but friends never got in touch, plans fell through, etc, etc...
I've developed some extreme anxiety, haven't been able to sleep properly, and though I'm constantly awake, am too ridiculously tired and foggy headed to really accomplish anything. ...might be some of that there COMPLETE LACK OF CONFIDENCE thing too...
I mean, who wants to "accomplish great goals" when they're too damn lonely and unsettled to look in the goddamn mirror?
Worst part is, when I get this way (...whatever way "this" is), I find it imFUCKINGpossible to communicate with people, (especially ORALLY) ...but I'm so fucking...lonely...
You wouldn't BELIEVE how much time I spend contemplating how to get back in communication with people...I'm just too goddamn (insert whatever the FUCK you call this social anxiety bullshit feeling) to SPEAK...or...drop by, write...anything...
It's a shambles...I don't feel "ready" to leave the house, ever...but I can't stand being here.....like this...
I don't know what this feeling is, but today it's finally made me BREAK DOWN with PANIC ATTACKS... (never had blood come out of my nose after crying before)
I don't feel confident enough to rEaChOuTfOrAfRiEnD...
A friend...
I really wish I had.....someone to spend time...around...
You know...
Besides myself...
I'm affected.
I'm officially afflicted.
This has gone too far.
This is BULLSHIT.
...how the fuck do I get out?
"Just -get out-..."
It's just not that fucking easy...