Low Down No Good Daughter
Why haven't I done anything for the holiday?
I made cakes, and was going to deliver them to people in secret and surprise them.
I had this whole gift plan for my family where I was going to create a great quest for them to go on, a fun game to play that would take them on a hunt around the house in costumes, talking in silly voices, finding clues to solve the quest and end on the prize which would be something cheesy and lovely like "family" or something.
Fuck.
They're all gone to the midnight mass at their church now.
I haven't really done much planning, because I had that job unexpectedly and have had sleeping problems again.
Fuck. I hate my brain chemistry!
I know for a fact that I'm sleeping too much because of low serotonin and norepinephrine neurochemical levels...if that makes any sense. I haven't posted my research on here, but I'm becoming a fucking pro...if only I could get my own damn neurons to fire right!
I think I need more exercise, but I don't just exercise, I'm too ADD and impatient. I need a job to keep me lively, otherwise I get bored counting reps or waiting for minutes to change. I don't get tired when I work out, I get mentally frustrated.
What a stupid pain.
So yeah, hey, hear that? I'm completely wrapped up in my own problems and haven't been able to function in a way that I think I should be, to think of others' needs.
I want to do things for other people!
It's fucking XMAS and I feel like this horrible asshole who doesn't do shit for her friends and family. I think of people constantly, but never call because it's always "the wrong time of day" or some bullshit. And as far as delivering those cakes, it's been RAINING! and I'm absolutely terrified of driving in the rain. :'(
Fuck.
I just want to be there for my family this holiday, but instead I'll be all sullen, opening gifts that I didn't fucking earn. I don't want it this year. I don't want any of it.
I made cakes, and was going to deliver them to people in secret and surprise them.
I had this whole gift plan for my family where I was going to create a great quest for them to go on, a fun game to play that would take them on a hunt around the house in costumes, talking in silly voices, finding clues to solve the quest and end on the prize which would be something cheesy and lovely like "family" or something.
Fuck.
They're all gone to the midnight mass at their church now.
I haven't really done much planning, because I had that job unexpectedly and have had sleeping problems again.
Fuck. I hate my brain chemistry!
I know for a fact that I'm sleeping too much because of low serotonin and norepinephrine neurochemical levels...if that makes any sense. I haven't posted my research on here, but I'm becoming a fucking pro...if only I could get my own damn neurons to fire right!
I think I need more exercise, but I don't just exercise, I'm too ADD and impatient. I need a job to keep me lively, otherwise I get bored counting reps or waiting for minutes to change. I don't get tired when I work out, I get mentally frustrated.
What a stupid pain.
So yeah, hey, hear that? I'm completely wrapped up in my own problems and haven't been able to function in a way that I think I should be, to think of others' needs.
I want to do things for other people!
It's fucking XMAS and I feel like this horrible asshole who doesn't do shit for her friends and family. I think of people constantly, but never call because it's always "the wrong time of day" or some bullshit. And as far as delivering those cakes, it's been RAINING! and I'm absolutely terrified of driving in the rain. :'(
Fuck.
I just want to be there for my family this holiday, but instead I'll be all sullen, opening gifts that I didn't fucking earn. I don't want it this year. I don't want any of it.