Fanfic: Twice Bitten - Part II; Rating: NC-17 by Jeweledvixen
Fanfic
Title: Twice Bitten
Rating: NC-17
By: jeweledvixen
Word Count: 9516 total for both parts.
Notes: Adult sexual scenes; bad language. No trigger warnings.
Kris Allen wakes up in the hospital having lost his memories of the last six months of his life. The one thing he remembers is Adam Lambert, and the love they share. Adam takes Kris home from the hospital to the home they share, but things feel strange to Kris. What happens when he remembers the truth, that Adam left him for another man and has just been playing a role to help Kris get his memory back? Can Adam convince Kris that he truly loves him? Can Kris trust him?
2013 - June
Adam and Kris had been living together for over three years. Adam had never been happier. They almost never fought and when they did, making up was...fun. The apartment was perfect for the two of them. It had three bedrooms, one of which they had turned into a shared office/music room. Kris kept his guitars in there and they both had desks with their laptops on them. They quite often spent time in there writing songs together and dreaming of becoming solo artists.
Adam and Kris were now doing the musical Grease. Adam was playing the part of Danny Zuko and Kris was Kenickie. Adam loved working together and being able to be together with Kris all the time. Timothy and Wes were both distant memories. His heart had been unbroken by Kris’ love.
One day, as Adam hurried into the theater for rehearsal after getting his hair done, he headed backstage to his dressing room. Just before he rounded the corner, he heard Kris laughing. He decided he would sneak up on Kris if he could and scare him. Adam peeked around the corner and saw Kris talking and laughing with a tall, gorgeous, blond-haired man. Adam’s heart started racing and his stomach dropped. Not again! It couldn’t be happening again! No! Adam stayed where he was and watched Kris with the stranger. They were talking and laughing. The blond kept reaching out and touching Kris on the arm or shoulder as he laughed. Kris did nothing to stop him. Adam felt sick to his stomach.
After watching for a few minutes, Adam finally walked down the hall and up to the two men. “Hey there, Kris. Who’s your new friend?” he asked casually. Kris turned to look at Adam, a huge smile on his face from laughing.
“Oh, Adam! Hi! This is Derek. He’s my new understudy. Derek, this is Adam. I told you about him. He plays Danny. Wait until you hear him sing. He’s fantastic.” The three of them stood there talking for a couple of minutes until Adam said he needed to go get ready for rehearsal. Kris said he would take Derek with him to his dressing room so they could talk about the play and what Derek would be expected to do as Kris’ understudy. Adam watched them walk away, his eyes narrowed, his mind whirling.
After the rehearsal, Adam again headed for his dressing room to grab his cell phone and to get a drink of water. He again found Kris and Derek in the hall talking and laughing. Derek kept touching Kris on the arm, like before. Adam ignored them and went directly to his dressing room. He grabbed his phone and left the theater. If Kris wanted to hang out with the new guy, let him! Adam did some serious retail therapy, which took his mind off what he had seen.
When Adam got home, Kris was pacing the apartment with his phone in his hand. As soon as Adam walked in, Kris ran over to him and hugged him. “Thank God! Where have you been? I thought you’d been kidnapped! Why didn’t you wait for me after rehearsal? I’ve been trying to call you and your phone goes straight to voice mail!”
Adam stepped away from Kris and walked in to the living room to put his shopping bags down on the coffee table. “I saw you were having a good time with Derek and I wanted to do some shopping, which I know you hate, to I just went by myself. Sorry about the phone. I forgot to turn it back on when I left the theater.” He began rummaging through the bags. Kris went from being concerned, then relieved to being angry..
"Adam, what's going on? You always tell me where you're going. I would have gladly gone shopping with you. I need some new jeans and I'd like a new leather jacket, too. Are you upset with me for some reason?"
"Why would I be upset with you? Have you done something to upset me?"
"Not that I'm aware of."
"Well, then, that would mean that I'm not upset with you. I'm going to put this stuff away in the bedroom. Then we can have dinner before we go back to the theater." Adam grabbed his bags and left Kris standing there as he went to the bedroom. Kris stared at Adam's back as he went down the hall and disappeared in the bedroom. He finally turned around and went into the kitchen to start dinner. Adam was acting strange and Kris wondered what was up with him.
During dinner, Adam assured Kris again that he wasn't upset. He asked Kris how things were going with Derek. Kris spent the next ten minutes talking enthusiastically about Derek. To Adam, it seemed that Kris thought Derek was raised by unicorns and fairies, and rainbows came out of his butt. He got that all too familiar sinking feeling in his stomach. It just grew after they got to the theater and he had to watch Derek and Kris talking and laughing together again, with Derek continuing to be touchy-feely with Kris.
Over the next three weeks, things got worse as far as Adam was concerned. He and Kris had a routine of having lunch together at a certain restaurant before rehearsal. Suddenly, one night after the show, Kris asked Derek to join them the next day. He did it right in front of Adam. Kris said, "Adam doesn't mind a bit. Do you, Adam?" What could Adam say without looking like a jerk? He agreed. After that, Derek joined them two or three times a week. Adam hated Derek because he could tell that Derek was interested in Kris, and the feeling seemed to be mutual for Kris. Derek did cut back on the touching when he was with both Adam and Kris, which only confirmed Adam's suspicions. Unfortunately, Adam could see that Derek was a really great guy. He was intelligent and had a great sense of humor. He also was a superb singer. If the circumstances were different, Adam would be friends with Derek.
What finally clinched it for Adam was the night he went to Kris' dressing room before the show started and opened the door without knocking. They never knocked on each others door. Why should they? They saw each other naked all the time. But this time when Adam opened the door, he saw Kris without his shirt on and Derek hugging him. Adam quietly closed the door and fled back to his own dressing room. He sat in front of the mirror and sobbed for several minutes. It really was happening all over again. He thought he had finally found true love only to find out that, once again, he didn't measure up and could easily be replaced. When he finally stopped crying, Adam realized that he could not possibly do the show tonight. No way could he get on the stage with Kris and do a convincing performance knowing Kris no longer loved him. He quickly went to the director, Alex and told him how sick he was. Adam said he was feeling sick to his stomach (true), had a splitting headache (true) and felt like he was going to pass out (also true).
Alex was concerned. He made Adam promise to take a cab home and not try to drive himself. Adam promised. He had already planned on that, since he and Kris had come to the theater in Kris' car. He also asked Alex to please tell Kris what had happened. Alex gave Adam a strange look at that, wondering why Adam didn't want to go tell Kris himself. But Adam didn't notice. He was already headed for the door, eager to get out of the theater and go home to think about what he should do.
By the time Kris got home from the theater, Adam had come to a decision. When Kris came in, he found Adam sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea. Kris got a beer from the fridge and sat down kitty-corner from Adam. "Hey, man, what happened? Alex told me you didn't feel good enough to do the show. Why didn't you tell me? I would have come home with you! What's wrong? How are you feeling now?"
Adam stared into his tea. "I didn't want you to come home with me. I needed to do some serious thinking and I needed to be alone." He sipped his tea, then stared into the cup again. Kris was frowning at him, confused.
"What's so serious that you ditched the performance and left without telling me? Is something really wrong? Are you seriously ill?"
Adam glanced at Kris, then said, "This has been coming for a while. I...I'm not in love with you anymore. I think...I know I want to end things, move on with my life. I'm sorry, I know this is a complete surprise for you and that it's going to hurt you. Like I said, this isn't a sudden thing, I just finally decided I needed to be honest with you and be clear, so we both know where we stand. I'm really sorry."
Kris had a death grip on his beer bottle as he stared in disbelief at Adam who was still staring at his tea. "Adam...I...is there somebody else? Did you find somebody else? I can't...I thought everything was fine with us. Everything was great. You never gave any sign that you were unhappy with me. I don't know what to say. What changed and when?"
Adam was silent for a minute before he looked at Kris. "I haven't found somebody else. It's not that at all. Maybe I'm not cut out for a long-term commitment. I don't know. I just don't feel like our relationship is the same as it was. I can't stay with someone I'm not in love with anymore. I have my stuff packed. I'm going to move out tonight. I'm staying with a friend until I find an apartment for myself. You can stay here." Adam stood up and carried his cup to the sink. He washed it, dried it and put it in the cupboard. Then he turned around to face Kris.
"I really am sorry, Kris. I never wanted to hurt you. I’m going to take a couple of days off to give us both time to come to terms with this. Please don't try to call me or text me. I've finally made up my mind. I know it's going to be awkward at work, but I think we're both professional enough to handle it. My stuff’s all in the car. I'm going to leave now. I guess I'll see you at the theater in a couple of days." Kris just stood there dumbfounded as Adam picked up his phone and his car keys and walked out of Kris' life.
Adam had gone to a hotel to stay until he could find an apartment. It didn’t take him long. It wasn’t a big apartment, but it seemed huge to Adam without Kris there. Three days after he left Kris, Adam did something he regretted as soon as he had done it. He had taken a selfie with one of the guys that worked at the salon where he got his hair and nails done. He then posted it on his Instagram with the caption, “My new guy?”. He was pretty sure Kris would see it and he wanted to make sure Kris believed that Adam had moved on, just like Kris had. But he felt more guilt than satisfaction.
******
2013 - August
Adam unpacked the groceries, then went back into the bedroom. Kris was still asleep. Adam pulled off his t-shirt and pants and crawled into bed next to Kris. He snuggled up next to Kris and put his arm around Kris’ waist. He dozed off. Kris woke up and looked down at Adam sleeping beside him. He didn’t know why, but it didn’t feel quite right. They had slept together every night since Kris got home from the hospital and it had felt odd to Kris every night. He figured that it had something to do with his head injury and the resulting memory loss. He leaned down and kissed Adam on the top of the head.
After the accident had happened, Kim had called Adam and told him about it. Kim was aware that Adam had left Kris for someone else, but she also knew he would still want to know that Kris was seriously injured. Adam had immediately raced to the hospital. While Kim and Adam kept their vigil at Kris’ bedside the week he was in the coma, the true story of why Adam abruptly left Kris had gradually come out and Kim was in tears for both men. She knew that Kris still loved Adam with all his heart, and now she knew that Adam still loved Kris with all his heart. Kris had never told his mother about Adam’s past failed relationships, so now she could easily see why he had done what he did.
Kim told Adam that, while Derek had indeed had feelings for Kris, Kris did not share his feelings and had shut him down when Derek had tried to start a romantic relationship with him after Adam left. Derek was from a town in Arkansas not far from where Kris had grown up and they had bonded over that and their love of music. For Kris, it had been nothing more than a friendship. Then Adam had started crying. He had thrown away his amazing relationship with Kris over a misunderstanding and miscommunication. He asked Kim if she thought it was possible for him to regain his relationship with Kris. She told Adam that Kris still loved him and that, if Adam was completely honest with Kris, he had a very good chance of winning Kris back.
Then Kris had woken up from the coma with amnesia and thought he and Adam were still together. The doctor had told Kim and Adam two things: 1. Kris would get his memory back sooner if he were in a familiar place, surrounded by familiar people. 2. Don’t stress Kris’ mind. Keep everything calm and relaxing for him and let his mind heal on its own.
Kim and Adam had decided that the best thing for Kris would be for Adam to move back in with Kris and pretend they had never broken up. Once Kris was stronger, Adam would tell him the truth. So here they were cuddled up in the bed they had shared for over three years. But Kris couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was off kilter, that this wasn’t quite right.
Two weeks later, Kris had just gotten the casts off his shoulder and leg. Now he was able to hobble around for short distances while wearing a soft cast. He was going to physical therapy for both his leg and his shoulder. He wasn’t able to lift much with his left arm yet, but with the therapy, he was improving a little each day. Now, if only he could get his memory back.
Kris was stubborn and insisted that Adam let him do as much as he could by himself so Kris had managed to make his way to the living room with Adam hovering anxiously to catch him if he started to fall. Kris sank down on the couch and put his bad leg up on the ottoman, slightly tired and out of breath from his trek from the bedroom to the living room. Adam, meanwhile, propped him up with some pillows, got him a bottle of water and handed him the remote. “Do not move from here until I get back,” Adam commanded. Adam was taking another quick trip to Whole Foods and wanted to make sure Kris would be ok while he was gone. He didn’t want Kris to get up and fall while he was alone.
“Ok, Mr. Bossy Pants. I promise not to move. Before you go, could you had me my phone so I can call my mom?” Adam handed the phone to Kris. “Thanks. Now get out of here. You’re driving me nuts with all this pampering and hovering.” Adam gave Kris a kiss and left to do the grocery shopping.
When Adam got home, Kris was not in the living room. Adam raced into the kitchen to set the bags down on the counter and found Kris there, sitting at the table, staring at his cell phone. He was in the chair nearest the refrigerator and on the table in front of him was a six-pack of beer. Two empty bottles were pushed off to one side and one half-full bottle was beside Kris’ hand.
“Kris! Are you all right? You were supposed to stay on the couch until I got back!” Adam dropped the bags of groceries on the counter and hurried over to Kris. He knelt beside him and put his hand on Kris’ arm. He could see that Kris’ eyes were red, like he had been crying. Kris jerked his arm away from Adam‘s touch.
“Get the fuck away from me, you bastard!” Kris snapped and, without warning, he slugged Adam on the jaw. Kris might not have been as tall as Adam, but he was brawnier because he worked out with the dumbbell set he had in the office, and he was able to pack quite a punch. Adam ended up on his ass on the floor, nearly hitting his head on the fridge. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened while Adam had been gone. Kris’ memory had returned. He now knew about Adam’s betrayal. As Kris started crying, Adam picked himself up off the floor and sat in the chair next to Kris. His mind was whirling. What could he say to Kris? What should he say to Kris?
“How did you find out?” Adam whispered. Kris threw his phone at Adam. It hit him in the forehead, fell to the floor and slid over to the oven.
“I called Mom, but she was shopping, too, so I had the wonderful idea that maybe looking through the photos and texts on my phone might jog my memory. Oh, man was I right! There in living color was my ex-boyfriend who swore there was no one else, with his arm around his new boyfriend, grinning from ear to ear. Everything came crashing back just like that. Everything! I want you to pack your shit and get out of here.”
“Kris, it’s not what you think! Please! Give me a chance to explain,” Adam begged.
“You can explain a picture that says, ‘My new guy’?” Kris laughed bitterly. “I highly doubt that. But go ahead, give it a try. I’m all ears!” Kris had finished the third beer and was starting on his fourth. Adam grabbed one out of the holder and opened it, taking a big gulp before starting his explanation. He kept his eyes glued to his bottle as he started to talk.
“Kris, you know that I fell in love with you almost as soon as I saw you. That hasn’t changed.” Kris snorted. “Please, just listen. You know what I went through with Timothy and Wes. After Wes left me, I didn’t think I was worth loving until you came along and made me feel like maybe I was worthy after all. I was so happy with you. I’ve never been happier. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I expected we would be together “’til death do us part’.
“Then I saw you with Derek. From my point of view, I was watching you fall for him. You were always laughing and talking with him and he was always touching you. You never stopped him. You even started inviting him to go to lunch with us at our restaurant. Then, one night, before we went on stage, I came to your dressing room to kiss you for good luck and when I opened the door, you were half-dressed and Derek was hugging you. That’s the night I skipped the show and that’s the night I told you I was leaving you.” Adam paused for breath, sneaking a look at Kris who was staring wide-eyed at Adam. Adam raised his head and talked directly to Kris.
“I never wanted to leave you. But I thought you were going to leave me, so I decided to get out before I had to listen to one more boyfriend tell me didn’t love me anymore. I was never in love with anyone else and I haven’t even been on a date or hooked up with anyone else since I left. I...I just can’t do it. You are the only one I want to be with - in and out of bed. That guy in the picture is Miguel. He works at the salon where I get my hair done. I told him I was doing it as a joke and he agreed to pose with me.
“Then, when you had the accident, your mom called me and I stayed with her at the hospital. I couldn’t be anywhere else. I needed to be there for you. That’s when your mother told me the truth about Derek. I felt like such an idiot and such a...a loser. Instead of asking you about Derek, I jumped to conclusions and lost the best thing that ever happened to me.:” Tears were running down Adam’s cheeks, but he kept his eyes glued to Kris’ face. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “Can you ever forgive me? Can we at least be friends? I just want you in my life. I need you in my life.”
“I don’t know, Adam. This is going to be a very hard decision,” Kris said. He frowned as Adam held his breath and hoped for the best, or at least not the worst. “Oh, you idiot!” Kris exclaimed. “Of course I forgive you! This is partly my fault, too. I knew how you’d been hurt before and it never dawned on me how you would see things between me and Derek.” Kris reached over and took Adam’s hand as Adam let out the breath he had been holding. “Help me back into the living room and we can talk more comfortably on the couch. My leg is killing me and so is my shoulder. We can cuddle up while we talk about what idiots we both are. If you’re very good, I might even let you kiss me once or twice.”
They spent a couple of hours on the couch doing more kissing than talking, then finally went to bed. They got undressed, crawled into bed and made out some more until Adam fell asleep with Kris in his arms. Kris looked at his lover and realized that that feeling of wrongness was gone and this felt oh, so right. He sighed contentedly, kissed Adam on the forehead and soon fell asleep.
PART I
Title: Twice Bitten
Rating: NC-17
By: jeweledvixen
Word Count: 9516 total for both parts.
Notes: Adult sexual scenes; bad language. No trigger warnings.
Kris Allen wakes up in the hospital having lost his memories of the last six months of his life. The one thing he remembers is Adam Lambert, and the love they share. Adam takes Kris home from the hospital to the home they share, but things feel strange to Kris. What happens when he remembers the truth, that Adam left him for another man and has just been playing a role to help Kris get his memory back? Can Adam convince Kris that he truly loves him? Can Kris trust him?
2013 - June
Adam and Kris had been living together for over three years. Adam had never been happier. They almost never fought and when they did, making up was...fun. The apartment was perfect for the two of them. It had three bedrooms, one of which they had turned into a shared office/music room. Kris kept his guitars in there and they both had desks with their laptops on them. They quite often spent time in there writing songs together and dreaming of becoming solo artists.
Adam and Kris were now doing the musical Grease. Adam was playing the part of Danny Zuko and Kris was Kenickie. Adam loved working together and being able to be together with Kris all the time. Timothy and Wes were both distant memories. His heart had been unbroken by Kris’ love.
One day, as Adam hurried into the theater for rehearsal after getting his hair done, he headed backstage to his dressing room. Just before he rounded the corner, he heard Kris laughing. He decided he would sneak up on Kris if he could and scare him. Adam peeked around the corner and saw Kris talking and laughing with a tall, gorgeous, blond-haired man. Adam’s heart started racing and his stomach dropped. Not again! It couldn’t be happening again! No! Adam stayed where he was and watched Kris with the stranger. They were talking and laughing. The blond kept reaching out and touching Kris on the arm or shoulder as he laughed. Kris did nothing to stop him. Adam felt sick to his stomach.
After watching for a few minutes, Adam finally walked down the hall and up to the two men. “Hey there, Kris. Who’s your new friend?” he asked casually. Kris turned to look at Adam, a huge smile on his face from laughing.
“Oh, Adam! Hi! This is Derek. He’s my new understudy. Derek, this is Adam. I told you about him. He plays Danny. Wait until you hear him sing. He’s fantastic.” The three of them stood there talking for a couple of minutes until Adam said he needed to go get ready for rehearsal. Kris said he would take Derek with him to his dressing room so they could talk about the play and what Derek would be expected to do as Kris’ understudy. Adam watched them walk away, his eyes narrowed, his mind whirling.
After the rehearsal, Adam again headed for his dressing room to grab his cell phone and to get a drink of water. He again found Kris and Derek in the hall talking and laughing. Derek kept touching Kris on the arm, like before. Adam ignored them and went directly to his dressing room. He grabbed his phone and left the theater. If Kris wanted to hang out with the new guy, let him! Adam did some serious retail therapy, which took his mind off what he had seen.
When Adam got home, Kris was pacing the apartment with his phone in his hand. As soon as Adam walked in, Kris ran over to him and hugged him. “Thank God! Where have you been? I thought you’d been kidnapped! Why didn’t you wait for me after rehearsal? I’ve been trying to call you and your phone goes straight to voice mail!”
Adam stepped away from Kris and walked in to the living room to put his shopping bags down on the coffee table. “I saw you were having a good time with Derek and I wanted to do some shopping, which I know you hate, to I just went by myself. Sorry about the phone. I forgot to turn it back on when I left the theater.” He began rummaging through the bags. Kris went from being concerned, then relieved to being angry..
"Adam, what's going on? You always tell me where you're going. I would have gladly gone shopping with you. I need some new jeans and I'd like a new leather jacket, too. Are you upset with me for some reason?"
"Why would I be upset with you? Have you done something to upset me?"
"Not that I'm aware of."
"Well, then, that would mean that I'm not upset with you. I'm going to put this stuff away in the bedroom. Then we can have dinner before we go back to the theater." Adam grabbed his bags and left Kris standing there as he went to the bedroom. Kris stared at Adam's back as he went down the hall and disappeared in the bedroom. He finally turned around and went into the kitchen to start dinner. Adam was acting strange and Kris wondered what was up with him.
During dinner, Adam assured Kris again that he wasn't upset. He asked Kris how things were going with Derek. Kris spent the next ten minutes talking enthusiastically about Derek. To Adam, it seemed that Kris thought Derek was raised by unicorns and fairies, and rainbows came out of his butt. He got that all too familiar sinking feeling in his stomach. It just grew after they got to the theater and he had to watch Derek and Kris talking and laughing together again, with Derek continuing to be touchy-feely with Kris.
Over the next three weeks, things got worse as far as Adam was concerned. He and Kris had a routine of having lunch together at a certain restaurant before rehearsal. Suddenly, one night after the show, Kris asked Derek to join them the next day. He did it right in front of Adam. Kris said, "Adam doesn't mind a bit. Do you, Adam?" What could Adam say without looking like a jerk? He agreed. After that, Derek joined them two or three times a week. Adam hated Derek because he could tell that Derek was interested in Kris, and the feeling seemed to be mutual for Kris. Derek did cut back on the touching when he was with both Adam and Kris, which only confirmed Adam's suspicions. Unfortunately, Adam could see that Derek was a really great guy. He was intelligent and had a great sense of humor. He also was a superb singer. If the circumstances were different, Adam would be friends with Derek.
What finally clinched it for Adam was the night he went to Kris' dressing room before the show started and opened the door without knocking. They never knocked on each others door. Why should they? They saw each other naked all the time. But this time when Adam opened the door, he saw Kris without his shirt on and Derek hugging him. Adam quietly closed the door and fled back to his own dressing room. He sat in front of the mirror and sobbed for several minutes. It really was happening all over again. He thought he had finally found true love only to find out that, once again, he didn't measure up and could easily be replaced. When he finally stopped crying, Adam realized that he could not possibly do the show tonight. No way could he get on the stage with Kris and do a convincing performance knowing Kris no longer loved him. He quickly went to the director, Alex and told him how sick he was. Adam said he was feeling sick to his stomach (true), had a splitting headache (true) and felt like he was going to pass out (also true).
Alex was concerned. He made Adam promise to take a cab home and not try to drive himself. Adam promised. He had already planned on that, since he and Kris had come to the theater in Kris' car. He also asked Alex to please tell Kris what had happened. Alex gave Adam a strange look at that, wondering why Adam didn't want to go tell Kris himself. But Adam didn't notice. He was already headed for the door, eager to get out of the theater and go home to think about what he should do.
By the time Kris got home from the theater, Adam had come to a decision. When Kris came in, he found Adam sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea. Kris got a beer from the fridge and sat down kitty-corner from Adam. "Hey, man, what happened? Alex told me you didn't feel good enough to do the show. Why didn't you tell me? I would have come home with you! What's wrong? How are you feeling now?"
Adam stared into his tea. "I didn't want you to come home with me. I needed to do some serious thinking and I needed to be alone." He sipped his tea, then stared into the cup again. Kris was frowning at him, confused.
"What's so serious that you ditched the performance and left without telling me? Is something really wrong? Are you seriously ill?"
Adam glanced at Kris, then said, "This has been coming for a while. I...I'm not in love with you anymore. I think...I know I want to end things, move on with my life. I'm sorry, I know this is a complete surprise for you and that it's going to hurt you. Like I said, this isn't a sudden thing, I just finally decided I needed to be honest with you and be clear, so we both know where we stand. I'm really sorry."
Kris had a death grip on his beer bottle as he stared in disbelief at Adam who was still staring at his tea. "Adam...I...is there somebody else? Did you find somebody else? I can't...I thought everything was fine with us. Everything was great. You never gave any sign that you were unhappy with me. I don't know what to say. What changed and when?"
Adam was silent for a minute before he looked at Kris. "I haven't found somebody else. It's not that at all. Maybe I'm not cut out for a long-term commitment. I don't know. I just don't feel like our relationship is the same as it was. I can't stay with someone I'm not in love with anymore. I have my stuff packed. I'm going to move out tonight. I'm staying with a friend until I find an apartment for myself. You can stay here." Adam stood up and carried his cup to the sink. He washed it, dried it and put it in the cupboard. Then he turned around to face Kris.
"I really am sorry, Kris. I never wanted to hurt you. I’m going to take a couple of days off to give us both time to come to terms with this. Please don't try to call me or text me. I've finally made up my mind. I know it's going to be awkward at work, but I think we're both professional enough to handle it. My stuff’s all in the car. I'm going to leave now. I guess I'll see you at the theater in a couple of days." Kris just stood there dumbfounded as Adam picked up his phone and his car keys and walked out of Kris' life.
Adam had gone to a hotel to stay until he could find an apartment. It didn’t take him long. It wasn’t a big apartment, but it seemed huge to Adam without Kris there. Three days after he left Kris, Adam did something he regretted as soon as he had done it. He had taken a selfie with one of the guys that worked at the salon where he got his hair and nails done. He then posted it on his Instagram with the caption, “My new guy?”. He was pretty sure Kris would see it and he wanted to make sure Kris believed that Adam had moved on, just like Kris had. But he felt more guilt than satisfaction.
******
2013 - August
Adam unpacked the groceries, then went back into the bedroom. Kris was still asleep. Adam pulled off his t-shirt and pants and crawled into bed next to Kris. He snuggled up next to Kris and put his arm around Kris’ waist. He dozed off. Kris woke up and looked down at Adam sleeping beside him. He didn’t know why, but it didn’t feel quite right. They had slept together every night since Kris got home from the hospital and it had felt odd to Kris every night. He figured that it had something to do with his head injury and the resulting memory loss. He leaned down and kissed Adam on the top of the head.
After the accident had happened, Kim had called Adam and told him about it. Kim was aware that Adam had left Kris for someone else, but she also knew he would still want to know that Kris was seriously injured. Adam had immediately raced to the hospital. While Kim and Adam kept their vigil at Kris’ bedside the week he was in the coma, the true story of why Adam abruptly left Kris had gradually come out and Kim was in tears for both men. She knew that Kris still loved Adam with all his heart, and now she knew that Adam still loved Kris with all his heart. Kris had never told his mother about Adam’s past failed relationships, so now she could easily see why he had done what he did.
Kim told Adam that, while Derek had indeed had feelings for Kris, Kris did not share his feelings and had shut him down when Derek had tried to start a romantic relationship with him after Adam left. Derek was from a town in Arkansas not far from where Kris had grown up and they had bonded over that and their love of music. For Kris, it had been nothing more than a friendship. Then Adam had started crying. He had thrown away his amazing relationship with Kris over a misunderstanding and miscommunication. He asked Kim if she thought it was possible for him to regain his relationship with Kris. She told Adam that Kris still loved him and that, if Adam was completely honest with Kris, he had a very good chance of winning Kris back.
Then Kris had woken up from the coma with amnesia and thought he and Adam were still together. The doctor had told Kim and Adam two things: 1. Kris would get his memory back sooner if he were in a familiar place, surrounded by familiar people. 2. Don’t stress Kris’ mind. Keep everything calm and relaxing for him and let his mind heal on its own.
Kim and Adam had decided that the best thing for Kris would be for Adam to move back in with Kris and pretend they had never broken up. Once Kris was stronger, Adam would tell him the truth. So here they were cuddled up in the bed they had shared for over three years. But Kris couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was off kilter, that this wasn’t quite right.
Two weeks later, Kris had just gotten the casts off his shoulder and leg. Now he was able to hobble around for short distances while wearing a soft cast. He was going to physical therapy for both his leg and his shoulder. He wasn’t able to lift much with his left arm yet, but with the therapy, he was improving a little each day. Now, if only he could get his memory back.
Kris was stubborn and insisted that Adam let him do as much as he could by himself so Kris had managed to make his way to the living room with Adam hovering anxiously to catch him if he started to fall. Kris sank down on the couch and put his bad leg up on the ottoman, slightly tired and out of breath from his trek from the bedroom to the living room. Adam, meanwhile, propped him up with some pillows, got him a bottle of water and handed him the remote. “Do not move from here until I get back,” Adam commanded. Adam was taking another quick trip to Whole Foods and wanted to make sure Kris would be ok while he was gone. He didn’t want Kris to get up and fall while he was alone.
“Ok, Mr. Bossy Pants. I promise not to move. Before you go, could you had me my phone so I can call my mom?” Adam handed the phone to Kris. “Thanks. Now get out of here. You’re driving me nuts with all this pampering and hovering.” Adam gave Kris a kiss and left to do the grocery shopping.
When Adam got home, Kris was not in the living room. Adam raced into the kitchen to set the bags down on the counter and found Kris there, sitting at the table, staring at his cell phone. He was in the chair nearest the refrigerator and on the table in front of him was a six-pack of beer. Two empty bottles were pushed off to one side and one half-full bottle was beside Kris’ hand.
“Kris! Are you all right? You were supposed to stay on the couch until I got back!” Adam dropped the bags of groceries on the counter and hurried over to Kris. He knelt beside him and put his hand on Kris’ arm. He could see that Kris’ eyes were red, like he had been crying. Kris jerked his arm away from Adam‘s touch.
“Get the fuck away from me, you bastard!” Kris snapped and, without warning, he slugged Adam on the jaw. Kris might not have been as tall as Adam, but he was brawnier because he worked out with the dumbbell set he had in the office, and he was able to pack quite a punch. Adam ended up on his ass on the floor, nearly hitting his head on the fridge. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened while Adam had been gone. Kris’ memory had returned. He now knew about Adam’s betrayal. As Kris started crying, Adam picked himself up off the floor and sat in the chair next to Kris. His mind was whirling. What could he say to Kris? What should he say to Kris?
“How did you find out?” Adam whispered. Kris threw his phone at Adam. It hit him in the forehead, fell to the floor and slid over to the oven.
“I called Mom, but she was shopping, too, so I had the wonderful idea that maybe looking through the photos and texts on my phone might jog my memory. Oh, man was I right! There in living color was my ex-boyfriend who swore there was no one else, with his arm around his new boyfriend, grinning from ear to ear. Everything came crashing back just like that. Everything! I want you to pack your shit and get out of here.”
“Kris, it’s not what you think! Please! Give me a chance to explain,” Adam begged.
“You can explain a picture that says, ‘My new guy’?” Kris laughed bitterly. “I highly doubt that. But go ahead, give it a try. I’m all ears!” Kris had finished the third beer and was starting on his fourth. Adam grabbed one out of the holder and opened it, taking a big gulp before starting his explanation. He kept his eyes glued to his bottle as he started to talk.
“Kris, you know that I fell in love with you almost as soon as I saw you. That hasn’t changed.” Kris snorted. “Please, just listen. You know what I went through with Timothy and Wes. After Wes left me, I didn’t think I was worth loving until you came along and made me feel like maybe I was worthy after all. I was so happy with you. I’ve never been happier. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I expected we would be together “’til death do us part’.
“Then I saw you with Derek. From my point of view, I was watching you fall for him. You were always laughing and talking with him and he was always touching you. You never stopped him. You even started inviting him to go to lunch with us at our restaurant. Then, one night, before we went on stage, I came to your dressing room to kiss you for good luck and when I opened the door, you were half-dressed and Derek was hugging you. That’s the night I skipped the show and that’s the night I told you I was leaving you.” Adam paused for breath, sneaking a look at Kris who was staring wide-eyed at Adam. Adam raised his head and talked directly to Kris.
“I never wanted to leave you. But I thought you were going to leave me, so I decided to get out before I had to listen to one more boyfriend tell me didn’t love me anymore. I was never in love with anyone else and I haven’t even been on a date or hooked up with anyone else since I left. I...I just can’t do it. You are the only one I want to be with - in and out of bed. That guy in the picture is Miguel. He works at the salon where I get my hair done. I told him I was doing it as a joke and he agreed to pose with me.
“Then, when you had the accident, your mom called me and I stayed with her at the hospital. I couldn’t be anywhere else. I needed to be there for you. That’s when your mother told me the truth about Derek. I felt like such an idiot and such a...a loser. Instead of asking you about Derek, I jumped to conclusions and lost the best thing that ever happened to me.:” Tears were running down Adam’s cheeks, but he kept his eyes glued to Kris’ face. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “Can you ever forgive me? Can we at least be friends? I just want you in my life. I need you in my life.”
“I don’t know, Adam. This is going to be a very hard decision,” Kris said. He frowned as Adam held his breath and hoped for the best, or at least not the worst. “Oh, you idiot!” Kris exclaimed. “Of course I forgive you! This is partly my fault, too. I knew how you’d been hurt before and it never dawned on me how you would see things between me and Derek.” Kris reached over and took Adam’s hand as Adam let out the breath he had been holding. “Help me back into the living room and we can talk more comfortably on the couch. My leg is killing me and so is my shoulder. We can cuddle up while we talk about what idiots we both are. If you’re very good, I might even let you kiss me once or twice.”
They spent a couple of hours on the couch doing more kissing than talking, then finally went to bed. They got undressed, crawled into bed and made out some more until Adam fell asleep with Kris in his arms. Kris looked at his lover and realized that that feeling of wrongness was gone and this felt oh, so right. He sighed contentedly, kissed Adam on the forehead and soon fell asleep.
PART I