The Case of the Inverted Sunset
Something shifted in my psyche recently and I've submerged into night rhythms again. I can't specifically indicate what caused my retreat into the nocturne, though if I had to guess - I'd say stress of some sort. Which stress is indeterminate. Life right now is pretty good. My classes are managable, I've finally found the middle ground for extracurriculars, and my social life is doing well after the midwinter slump. So what's bothering me now? What dreary sliver of reality is bumming me out now? Hard to say, but I'm sure it's there somewhere, looming like a spider just outside peripheral vision.
Due to my regression into the night, my day life has been suffering. I skipped my first real class of the semester on Tuesday, feeling guilty having forsaken it more for lunch with Dick and Liz than exhaustion. Yesterday I was hopping around to stay on top of everything, rushing to get assignments in on time, not graceful - but feeling so decadent in the hours before dawn when the world seems still and easy.
In S&P (Sensation and Perception for those of you not up on the Psych Dept. lingo), I started thinking about having children. I believe it had something to do with a subconscious trigger relating to the fact that S&P is in the same room I took Life Span in, but there was something else. The night before I took a break from serious work to write and started forming a story about a protagonist (Read: yours truly) who has a romantic relationship with a guy and a sexual relationship with a girl. It stirred some paternal inquisition into my own relationship to my parents and children.
I know I want to have children, but I've yet to meet anyone of either sex I'd want to have children with. And I decided I'm not going to raise my child in a two parent household if I can help it. I'm going to try for a Full House type set up or something like Spenser had with two uncles and his father. In my scenario, one of the men is a woman because I believe that though my ideal of home is all male - there's something to be said for a woman's touch in rearing children.
During S&P I was doodling on how I want to handle my child's development, schooling (which should not be left to the schools), morality, spirituality, socialization, fitness, and a whole host of other influences which took up more space in my notebook than notes from class.
Maybe Kristen Bell and Brad Pitt will want to have kids with me...
At any rate, I've got to close this now. I have work to do and that first shade of blue signaling the passing of night just worked its way onto the horizon. Ta.
Due to my regression into the night, my day life has been suffering. I skipped my first real class of the semester on Tuesday, feeling guilty having forsaken it more for lunch with Dick and Liz than exhaustion. Yesterday I was hopping around to stay on top of everything, rushing to get assignments in on time, not graceful - but feeling so decadent in the hours before dawn when the world seems still and easy.
In S&P (Sensation and Perception for those of you not up on the Psych Dept. lingo), I started thinking about having children. I believe it had something to do with a subconscious trigger relating to the fact that S&P is in the same room I took Life Span in, but there was something else. The night before I took a break from serious work to write and started forming a story about a protagonist (Read: yours truly) who has a romantic relationship with a guy and a sexual relationship with a girl. It stirred some paternal inquisition into my own relationship to my parents and children.
I know I want to have children, but I've yet to meet anyone of either sex I'd want to have children with. And I decided I'm not going to raise my child in a two parent household if I can help it. I'm going to try for a Full House type set up or something like Spenser had with two uncles and his father. In my scenario, one of the men is a woman because I believe that though my ideal of home is all male - there's something to be said for a woman's touch in rearing children.
During S&P I was doodling on how I want to handle my child's development, schooling (which should not be left to the schools), morality, spirituality, socialization, fitness, and a whole host of other influences which took up more space in my notebook than notes from class.
Maybe Kristen Bell and Brad Pitt will want to have kids with me...
At any rate, I've got to close this now. I have work to do and that first shade of blue signaling the passing of night just worked its way onto the horizon. Ta.