The Invisible Spirit of Wine
“Jack never gets drunk,” Owen complained, loudly, before setting his fresh pint of lager on the table.
“He drinks, though,” Gwen said.
“Maybe he doesn’t drink the right drink,” Ianto suggested.
Tosh giggled, “Maybe he should be drinking umbrella drinks,” and she held up her clear glass filled with a pink liquid and a turquoise blue paper umbrella.
Ianto snickered, as he took a long swig of his own beer, saying, “Yep, umbrella drinks. Contrast nicely with the World War Two coat and Webley on his hip.”
“Ooh, maybe we could take a picture of that and make it a poster to hang in the hub,” Gwen laughed.
“A poster of Jack holding an umbrella drink over the coffee maker? You are pissed,” Owen chuckled.
Ianto looked at the empty glasses littering the table in front of him and offered, “I think we’re all on our way there, mate.”
“Liver of steel, I have,” Owen retorted. “Tolerance just as tough,” he followed, taking a huge drink.
“Then you can be the one who goes out Weevil hunting with Jack later when the alert gets called in,” Ianto stated matter-of-factly.
“I need to drink more,” Owen grumbled.
Gwen shot Tosh a wink and then leaned into Ianto, “You went ‘weevil hunting’ with Jack a couple nights ago, yeah?”
“Shut it, Gwen,” Ianto snarked, “We did hunt weevils. Caught three of them, too, I’ll have you know.”
“Yeah, I’m sure the shower you took together after was just work, too, Jonesy,” Owen laughed.
Ianto grinned into his drink and retorted, “Well, no one said anything about what we did after we hunted.”
“I seriously need to drink more,” Owen moaned.
“The umbrella adds to the experience,” Tosh chimed in, without any segue.
“I completely agree, Tosh,” Gwen asserted, taking a good drink of her tri-colored drink in a tall glass. “Mine didn’t come with an umbrella, but I think it could use one.”
“Want me to go get one for you, Gwen?” Ianto offered, raising an eyebrow.
“Yes! Go fetch me an umbrella, Ianto Jones!” Gwen laughed, and Ianto stood up, wandered over to the bar, and, after some pointing and chuckling with the bartender, came back with a handful of paper umbrellas. He methodically placed one in Gwen’s glass, one in Owen’s glass, and one in his own, offering Tosh the three extra ones he had in his hand.
“Brilliant! Paper umbrellas will make us even more drunk!” Gwen said.
They all took drinks of their umbrella-laden beverages, and they spent a few minutes comparing colors, deciding which colors would work better in which drinks, exchanging umbrellas accordingly, and adding another empty glass each to the table. Just as Owen and Ianto returned to the table with more drinks and sat down, Jack wandered in, unexpectedly.
“Hiya, kids,” He said, grinning down at his obviously drunk team. “It’s clear I’m gonna have to outline a better protocol for at least one of you staying sober so that I don’t have to do everything myself on pub nights, but I guess I’m outta luck tonight.”
Gwen reached out and pulled Jack down into the booth next to her and proceeded to climb over him so that he could sit next to Ianto, causing quite the wrestling of the table to make room.
“Because you couldn’t have just slid out of the booth to let him in, right Gwen?” Owen complained.
“Less fun all around, dontcha think?” Jack retorted, earning an eye roll from Ianto and a smack from Gwen, and then after a pause he asked, “What’s with the umbrellas?”
“Jack, please let us buy you an umbrella drink!” Tosh begged with a huge smile on her face.
“Don’t fall for it, Jack,” Owen cautioned, “They’re setting you up.”
“Owen! We are not, Jack,” Gwen assured him.
Jack turned to Ianto, “Who’s setting who up?”
Ianto took a drink and shook his head, “Not getting involved.”
Jack turned back to Gwen, “Okay. Umbrella drink, just make sure it’s not a Tequila Sunrise or an Appletini. I hate those umbrella drinks.”
Owen looked incredulous, “You know umbrella drinks?”
Jack grinned widely, “You don’t? No wonder you can’t pick up many girls when you go out.”
Ianto and Tosh laughed and Owen retorted, “I let the ladies tell me what they want; shows I can listen.”
“Shows you don’t know umbrella drinks,” Jack countered.
“I’m goin’ to get his drink before this gets ugly,” Gwen laughed, climbing out of the booth to go to the bar.
“What’s your favorite umbrella drink, Jack?” Ianto asked, curiously.
Jack thought for a moment, “Well, as much as I’d like to say “Sex on the Beach,” I’d have to go with the Chi-Chi. “
“What the hell is a “Chi-Chi?” Owen asked.
“It’s a Pina Colada with Vodka instead of Rum,” Jack said knowledgeably, and after a beat he added, “But I don’t really like umbrella drinks.”
Ianto mumbled into his beer, “The things we don’t know about you, Jack.”
“Because you don’t usually get drunk enough to ask,” Jack said, leaning into Ianto’s shoulder.
“Do you think we picked the right color for Ianto’s umbrella?” Tosh asked, finishing her latest drink.
Jack leaned over and peered at Ianto’s glass and said, “Sure. Green’s a good color for him.”
“Not as good as red, right?” Gwen laughed, sliding Jack’s drink over to him.
Jack chuckled but didn’t answer, holding his drink up and looking at it, bewildered. “What’s this?”
“It’s a Chi-chi. I’ve never heard of it, but the bartender gave you a once-over and said it looked like your style.”
Jack leered at Ianto, “I think I like the bartender.”
Ianto rolled his eyes dramatically, “If I’d known it would just take offering you the right liquor I could have had you sooner?”
“When did he first have you?” Owen prodded.
Tosh glared, “Owen!”
Jack grinned, “He might not have known it, but he had me at the pterodactyl. More than that is none of your business.” After a pause he added, “Whether there’s an umbrella drink involved or not.”
“He drinks, though,” Gwen said.
“Maybe he doesn’t drink the right drink,” Ianto suggested.
Tosh giggled, “Maybe he should be drinking umbrella drinks,” and she held up her clear glass filled with a pink liquid and a turquoise blue paper umbrella.
Ianto snickered, as he took a long swig of his own beer, saying, “Yep, umbrella drinks. Contrast nicely with the World War Two coat and Webley on his hip.”
“Ooh, maybe we could take a picture of that and make it a poster to hang in the hub,” Gwen laughed.
“A poster of Jack holding an umbrella drink over the coffee maker? You are pissed,” Owen chuckled.
Ianto looked at the empty glasses littering the table in front of him and offered, “I think we’re all on our way there, mate.”
“Liver of steel, I have,” Owen retorted. “Tolerance just as tough,” he followed, taking a huge drink.
“Then you can be the one who goes out Weevil hunting with Jack later when the alert gets called in,” Ianto stated matter-of-factly.
“I need to drink more,” Owen grumbled.
Gwen shot Tosh a wink and then leaned into Ianto, “You went ‘weevil hunting’ with Jack a couple nights ago, yeah?”
“Shut it, Gwen,” Ianto snarked, “We did hunt weevils. Caught three of them, too, I’ll have you know.”
“Yeah, I’m sure the shower you took together after was just work, too, Jonesy,” Owen laughed.
Ianto grinned into his drink and retorted, “Well, no one said anything about what we did after we hunted.”
“I seriously need to drink more,” Owen moaned.
“The umbrella adds to the experience,” Tosh chimed in, without any segue.
“I completely agree, Tosh,” Gwen asserted, taking a good drink of her tri-colored drink in a tall glass. “Mine didn’t come with an umbrella, but I think it could use one.”
“Want me to go get one for you, Gwen?” Ianto offered, raising an eyebrow.
“Yes! Go fetch me an umbrella, Ianto Jones!” Gwen laughed, and Ianto stood up, wandered over to the bar, and, after some pointing and chuckling with the bartender, came back with a handful of paper umbrellas. He methodically placed one in Gwen’s glass, one in Owen’s glass, and one in his own, offering Tosh the three extra ones he had in his hand.
“Brilliant! Paper umbrellas will make us even more drunk!” Gwen said.
They all took drinks of their umbrella-laden beverages, and they spent a few minutes comparing colors, deciding which colors would work better in which drinks, exchanging umbrellas accordingly, and adding another empty glass each to the table. Just as Owen and Ianto returned to the table with more drinks and sat down, Jack wandered in, unexpectedly.
“Hiya, kids,” He said, grinning down at his obviously drunk team. “It’s clear I’m gonna have to outline a better protocol for at least one of you staying sober so that I don’t have to do everything myself on pub nights, but I guess I’m outta luck tonight.”
Gwen reached out and pulled Jack down into the booth next to her and proceeded to climb over him so that he could sit next to Ianto, causing quite the wrestling of the table to make room.
“Because you couldn’t have just slid out of the booth to let him in, right Gwen?” Owen complained.
“Less fun all around, dontcha think?” Jack retorted, earning an eye roll from Ianto and a smack from Gwen, and then after a pause he asked, “What’s with the umbrellas?”
“Jack, please let us buy you an umbrella drink!” Tosh begged with a huge smile on her face.
“Don’t fall for it, Jack,” Owen cautioned, “They’re setting you up.”
“Owen! We are not, Jack,” Gwen assured him.
Jack turned to Ianto, “Who’s setting who up?”
Ianto took a drink and shook his head, “Not getting involved.”
Jack turned back to Gwen, “Okay. Umbrella drink, just make sure it’s not a Tequila Sunrise or an Appletini. I hate those umbrella drinks.”
Owen looked incredulous, “You know umbrella drinks?”
Jack grinned widely, “You don’t? No wonder you can’t pick up many girls when you go out.”
Ianto and Tosh laughed and Owen retorted, “I let the ladies tell me what they want; shows I can listen.”
“Shows you don’t know umbrella drinks,” Jack countered.
“I’m goin’ to get his drink before this gets ugly,” Gwen laughed, climbing out of the booth to go to the bar.
“What’s your favorite umbrella drink, Jack?” Ianto asked, curiously.
Jack thought for a moment, “Well, as much as I’d like to say “Sex on the Beach,” I’d have to go with the Chi-Chi. “
“What the hell is a “Chi-Chi?” Owen asked.
“It’s a Pina Colada with Vodka instead of Rum,” Jack said knowledgeably, and after a beat he added, “But I don’t really like umbrella drinks.”
Ianto mumbled into his beer, “The things we don’t know about you, Jack.”
“Because you don’t usually get drunk enough to ask,” Jack said, leaning into Ianto’s shoulder.
“Do you think we picked the right color for Ianto’s umbrella?” Tosh asked, finishing her latest drink.
Jack leaned over and peered at Ianto’s glass and said, “Sure. Green’s a good color for him.”
“Not as good as red, right?” Gwen laughed, sliding Jack’s drink over to him.
Jack chuckled but didn’t answer, holding his drink up and looking at it, bewildered. “What’s this?”
“It’s a Chi-chi. I’ve never heard of it, but the bartender gave you a once-over and said it looked like your style.”
Jack leered at Ianto, “I think I like the bartender.”
Ianto rolled his eyes dramatically, “If I’d known it would just take offering you the right liquor I could have had you sooner?”
“When did he first have you?” Owen prodded.
Tosh glared, “Owen!”
Jack grinned, “He might not have known it, but he had me at the pterodactyl. More than that is none of your business.” After a pause he added, “Whether there’s an umbrella drink involved or not.”