The Year to Get it Done
I greeted 2016 like I greet any morning. Groggy, a bit grumpy, searching for that nonexistant snooze button. This didn't last long, though. I had a show to run three dogs in and as tired as I may be, I made an obligation. After two days, my body told me to quit. This was a new feeling and it crushed me enough to take my head from the game the rest of the weekend. My shin bones screamed every time I took a step and any rotation caused my lumbar spine to jolt with pain. Walking from the car to the crating site was enough to get my heart beating fast. I hid in hoodies and loose clothing in all weather types. And if I wasn't showing or training, I hid in my home. 2015 was the year of fear and self-hate.
It wasn't always this bad. I was seconds away from a district record in track and field 5 years ago. I could run a mile in less than 7 minutes. I loved and still love running. Depression hit me like a freight train and I was crippled with anxiety. Later, I was diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder (fancy way of saying I have no self control I suppose). In late 2013, I was sick of feeling sick all the time, so I visited several allergists. One took blood samples, one did a needle test, and the other perscribed an epipen - "Just in case". The blood results indicated severe allergies to many foods. Wheat, rice, potatoes, banana, cane sugar, cauliflour, garlic, onion.... just to name a few.The list was so long I did have a mild panic about what I was even supposed to eat. The needle test told me the same thing, with added grasses, grains and shellfish. Excellent.
The first few days were hard to get all the bad bacteria from my insides to detox. Withdrawal sucked. But within a week I was feeling happier. I slept better. And I had lost 10Lbs. Flash forward four months and I had lost 60lbs and was feeling incredible. I had run at the South East regional in Perry and never had I run so quick and felt so good to run (Kai on the other hand was not having a great weekend). The energy and excitement I had was intoxicating. But upon leaving Texas that summer I had slipped back down that road of eating more than I should and eating the things that I was allergic to. I suffered greatly, gained twice as much weight as I had lost and was sick almost daily, with chronic illnesses holding me captive. I lost my desire to go and train my dogs. Running trials was embarassing. We lost. Alot. All because I couldn't get where I needed to be, or my attitude restrained me from running. Or I just simply didn't have the energy to step in the ring and be what my dogs begged me to be.
I failed this past regional in Arizona. There was a total of three Qs spread between three dogs. Kai got two, Ven got one. I entered almost 30 classes and I failed all of them. The pain from so much weight while running still lingers and it's been nearly a week. So, this is it. This year, I'm ending this. No more. Today I threw out every food item we own. Tomorrow, I grociery shop and run again at a trial. This time, I mean it. I will get there by any means. I'm publicising my goals because I am more afraid of letting others down than letting myself get away with broken promises. This year, I will lose 120lbs, or die trying.