(no subject)

[harempriestess]

Can anyone tell me how I'm supposed to feel happy with life right now?  I'm lonely, I'm broke, I loathe my job, I can't sleep unless I'm sitting up in my lounge chair.  I have nothing to look forward to in life.  And I'm sick of people telling me I do, or that I will at some point.  What will that be?  Death?  More loneliness?  Failing yet again at life?  You see, my life has been a series of failures.  College, college, living in Lake County, getting away from Borders, losing weight, becoming independent, probably college again.  I'm so tired of being alone  I just want someone to come and take my life for me, cause I can't do it myself.  I don't even know what to do anymore.  If there even is anything for me to do at this point.  I'm pretty sure there isn't.  I turn 33 in about three and a half weeks.  I haven't had sex in more than a decade, I'm pretty sure I won't ever again.  I have great friends, and a great family, but I hate myself, so none of that really matters most of the time.  It doesn't help me think more positively. It doesn't help me stay happy for longer than a very short period.  Why bother taking the fucking happy pills when they don't work.  What's the use in getting up each morning when I don't do anything fulfilling.  I'm sorry for doing this here.  I shouldn't be.  I set up another blog elsewhere to do this, but right now I just don't care enough to go to that site.  I'm gonna go and again waste time wishing I had a fucking cigarette.

Seriously, don't read.  But I needed to dump this somewhere where I knew someone else might read it.  It's a purely selfish act, and that is why I'm also blocking comments on my second post in a row.  I don't want anyone to send me messages trying to help or sending me love because that will just me feel guiltier for dumping this on anyone else.