All because of Gaga (1 of 1)
TITLE: All Because of Gaga (1 of 1)l
AUTHOR: Hardy 1234
RATING: PG-13
SUMMARY: Both the Warblers and New Directions help Kurt and Blaine get to a concert
WORD COUNT: 4745
DISCLAIMERS: Not mine.
Fellow Warblers,
This emergency meeting has been called to order because of a request of Jr. Member Blaine Anderson regarding a situation that has arisen.
Former Warbler Kurt Hummel has serendipitously received tickets to a Lady Gaga concert at Columbus next week. These are not your ordinary tickets, they are front row seating and include a VIP backstage pass to meet and take photos with Lady Gaga herself. Kurt has kindly extended one of his tickets to Warbler Anderson.
Blaine feels this is an invaluable opportunity to hone his performance skills for next year’s competitive season, and may be the factor that gives us the edge to move beyond Regional and onward to Nationals. I know many of us are still a bit disgruntled and puzzled over our elimination at the Regionals competition, but perhaps this experience that we will acquire by osmosis from our fellow Warbler will give us the insight to acquire the extra pizazz we may be lacking. And no Kevin, I am not mocking us, so please calm down.
In my opinion, this should be looked at as an opportunity for all the Warblers to improve our competitive and performance mettle, a baptism by fire through Lady Gaga.
Blaine feels some of Lady Gaga’s numbers can be incorporated into our set list for next year, but he needs to see firsthand how to use them within the Warblers skill set and abilities.
Now the following is of a rather delicate subject matter and while some may interpret it as being morally ambiguous, however let the minutes reflect that the Warblers will hold true to our values and traditions.
Actually, on second thought, let me speak off the record. Jeff, if you could please stop taking minutes?
As you know, the Warblers are scheduled to perform in several nursing homes next week, and the demand for our services is increasing thanks to our best placement ever in this year’s choir competition. The contribution of Warbler Blaine Anderson for this increased stature of the Warblers within the school and the community cannot be emphasized enough. Quite frankly, if we are considered “rock stars” now, what will happen if we actually advance to Nationals next year? The Warblers can write their ticket at Dalton Academy, if I may be forgiven a momentary lapse of modesty. What does this translate to? far easier access to our sister school’s female students who will have a new level of respect for the Warblers and our exalted status. And we all know what I mean by more ‘accessible’.
The Shady Meadows Nursing Home performance we are giving next Thursday coincides with the Lady Gaga concert. This means that Blaine Anderson has the opportunity to travel to the Lady Gaga concert himself and get an early start with Kurt. It would appear there is a conflict. This Nursing home recital is a sanctioned after school activity so we have an exemption from the normal curfew hour for Dalton students midweek. However, we may have to support Blaine by having someone sing lead at the Nursing Home in his place.
Please! Point of order! Point of Order!
However, in order to facilitate this, instead of going through the normal red tape we are proposing that fellow Warbler Jeff Hudson perform Blaine’s numbers, and in a matter of speaking, represent Blaine Anderson at the nursing home recital. We can think of it in terms that Warbler Anderson is there in spirit with us and is being channeled through Jeff’s faithful interpretation of Blaines’ moves and vocal styles. Jeff, you will definitely need to work on your performance face, a bit more elasticity with your facial expressions if you please? And yes, the hair gel is necessary to pass off the spirit of the performance, faithfully. Warbler Anderson has donated two jars of his gel for your transformation.
We will introduce Jeff as Blaine Anderson during the performance and in order not confuse our esteemed senior citizen audience. We will not add the clarification that he is not actually Blaine Anderson, but performing in the style of Blaine Anderson. I think this can be classified as an artistic decision by the Warblers and not as an out and out attempt at blatant deception. Think of all the Beatles Cover bands that can evoke the spirit of the Fab Four. By the way, there is precedence for this in the Warbler performance of 1921, the details of which are archived in the Warbler Historical book of performances, Chapter Ten, Section five.
Now as to Blaine’s permission from his father for said concert…Nick, we are still off the record, aren’t we…??
*******************
“Rachel, who died and made you the leader of New Directions..??”
“I’m just saying we have to support Kurt in being able to get to the Lady Gaga concert.”
“I don’t see why, he’s not even taking any of us with him, but his hobbit boyfriend. That sucks. “
OK, Puck, first of all, Kurt has agreed to do your homework for a month if you’ll help us out here.”
“Six weeks.”
“A month!”
“Five Weeks.”
“Whatever, Ok you got it.” Rachel could not believe this self-centeredness of her New Direction colleagues. It was jaw dropping to her. It was all me, me, me.
“Now, his dad hasn’t actually given him permission to go and Mr. Schuester has those silly outmoded ideas that we need to inform our parents of everything. So it’s going take some effort to put one over on both his Dad and Mr. Schuester. But I think we can do it if we pool our efforts. Think of it as performance art and acting all wrapped up in one. Blaine is hopefully pulling off his end of the scam with his fellow Warblers.”
“Ha! Those Warblers couldn’t pull off a scam if their life depended on it. The piping on their coats would change colors.”
“So wait”, started Tina…”Are you telling me neither of them have permission from their dads to go to this concert. This doesn’t look good…”
“So how are we going to pull this off? Midweek?”
Rachel marveled at their lack of imagination. In her memoirs she would look back at this as her shining moment where she first revealed the full genius and drive that would make her a star in the great White Way.
“I’ve thought this through, and we will get from our parents permission for an evening ND practice at the school, and of course MR. Schuester will be the adult guardian in charge of our session. I think with upcoming Nationals all adult parties will be satisfied with our devotion to the club. Think how impressed Mr. Shuester wil be with our dedication and work ethic, we all know what a softie he is if he thinks we are being sincere. Burt Hummel will be none the wiser since he will assume Kurt will be with us.
Meanwhile Mr. Shuester will think that Kurt is here practicing with us and vouch for his appearance. Artie, you of course will generously offer for Finn and Kurt to sleep over your house since practice will go on so very late and you live closest to the school. I would advise you asking your parents to call Mr. Hummel directly. Parents like to talk to each other, it gives them the illusion that they are in charge.
We will begin the evening by telling Mr. Schuester that Kurt and Mike have gone off to buy pizza for the club for the practice. Once “they” are back, we will say that Kurt threw a temper tantrum and is sulking in the hallways and we will try persuading him to return. Mike, please try to speak in a higher range because you will be taking on the role of Kurt in the hallway. Remember to speak not only higher, but in a voice dripping with sarcasm and bite. That is the only way to pull if off. You need to step outside your comfort zone.
Kurt has recorded singing solos of himself as well as singing with the group. We simply distract Mr. Shuester from actually entering the main choir rom so he can hear Kurt singing and be convinced he is here. It’s brilliant if I say so myself.
“This better work, because it’s also my ass on the line if it doesn’t. It sill doesn’t seem right.”
“First of all, Finn, considering that Kurt is also doing your homework for a month, I wouldn’t pretend to take the moral high ground if I were you.”
“I wonder if Blaine can set me up with some of those cute Warbler boys. They can’t all be gay. Since we are asking perks from Kurt, please tell him I want access to some of the Warblers , I want numbers and dates.”
“Santana, can’t you do this just to be nice to Kurt?”
“No. Not really.”
“Wait, I thought you were a Lebanese, Santana.”
“I may be Lebanese, but I’m not dead.”
“I think it’s sweet, Kurt and Blaine are going to a Lady Gaga together. Wait, is Lady her first name and Gaga her last name, or is Gaga her middle name. I’m a little confused.”
********************
“Yes Mr., Hummel… Kurt is performing as we speak. Is there anything you want me to tell him? Mr. Schuester was glad for the phone call from Kurt’s dad, he had it up to here with Rachel’s heart to heart talk for the last half-hour over why she should have all the solos in the National competition. The sound of Kurt’s counter tenor voice wafting through the choir room convinced Will that there was a place for more then one star at McKinley High.
“I have to tell you Bradley, I feel a little guilty I mistrusted Kurt and called up his school to see if he really was practicing for their upcoming New York trip. I feel like crap, actually. The kid is really working hard. And he seems to take it really well that I said no to that Gaga concert this week. I’m thinking that maybe we should surprise the kids by getting them tickets for the Gaga concert after the Nationals competition in New York at Madison Square Garden. If somehow you could swing bringing up Blaine for the competition in New York.”
“Excellent idea, Burt.”
Mr. Anderson wouldn’t say it, but he felt he had a better handle on this “father/son” thing in this situation then Burt Hummel. How sad that Burt felt he couldn’t totally trust Kurt, his only son. Bradley trusted his son enough not to have to check up on him this evening. Perhaps Burt Hummel would have a new found level of respect for Bradley Anderson’s parental skills.
“I could have told you that it was a waste of time checking up on the boys. Blaine and I have gotten much closer recently, Burt. I think I know my son much better now, and the bonds between us seem to have raised both the trust and comfort level we have.
Do you realize before he left for his nursing home performance this evening that Blaine wrapped his arms around me and said he loved me? It was a genuinely tender moment I will always treasure. And he said that all my trust in him would be always be warranted because of his respect and devotion to his loving father.”
“I dunno, Bradley…don’t ya think Blaine was laying it on a little too thick?”
How sad that Kurt Hummel was so guarded and jaded, thought Mr. Anderson.
“And while I had a late meeting, I have half a mind to drive a little out of my way and surprise my son at his nursing home recital. I think it would please him immensely. And I wouldn’t mind seeing him perform. They actually called from the Nursing Home informing me of the time and location of tonight’s performance, apparently they were inviting some of the parents to go and enjoy the Warblers recital.”
“That is a great idea, Bradley. Think of it as going to a little league or football game where your son is playing. It shows your support for him. And you don’t even have to razz an umpire.”
********************
As Bradley Anderson watched from the wings as the Warblers were introduced, he felt a rush of parental pride as the Senior Home Manager announced them as “The Dalton Academy Warblers featuring lead singer Blaine Anderson”
Suddenly a young man stepped forward and started singing.
Mr. Anderson was puzzled, wasn’t Blaine just announced?
After the applause from the first number, the young man started to speak into the mike. “I Blaine Anderson, on behalf of all the Warblers , am thrilled to be performing at the Shady Meadows Nursing Home for such a receptive and captive audience...and for my next number..”
“Blaine Anderson…”
Denial.
Anger.
Acceptance.
Bradley Anderson decided to go back to “anger” he felt it make his thinking in this situation the most lucid.
**********
“Yes Blaine Anderson is their lead singer” enthused the Nursing Home manager. She was pleased one of the relatives visiting could enjoy the extra perks they did for their residents.
“Could I meet him?”
“Of course.” Soon the manager had brought over the young “Blaine”.
“Blaine, this gentleman wanted to meet you to say how he admired your singing tonight.”
“Thank you.” gushed Jeff. Jeff was wondering if he should try out more for solos on the Warblers, if he said so himself he had rocked the numbers tonight. He was still on a high from being in the singing spotlight. No wonder Blaine was such an attention whore, the adrenaline rush of being in the limelight was intoxicating. Poor Blaine wouldn’t know what hit him once Jeff challenged him more for future performances. Was this a harbinger of the Jeff era at the Warblers?
“Young man, it is good to meet you. It’s funny, I also have a son who goes to Dalton.”
“Really? maybe I know him.”
“The coincidence is that he is also a Warbler. “
Jeff looked confused, and full realization of the situation had not hit him yet.
“Uh…one of us? Which of us is he??”
“Now this is really a funny coincidence. His name is also Blaine Anderson. So my name is Bradley Anderson and I am Blaine’s father.”
“Oh.”
“What did you say your name was again, young man?”
“Jeff Hudson, sir,.” replied Jeff almost in a whisper. Reality and panic had set in and Jeff was reeling from both.
“I see. Jeff, I have the power to make your life painful. You do realize that impersonating another person is a felony? And as an attorney, I can assure you that the law is quite explicit, minimum of five years in a federal penitentiary for such a criminal offense. How old are you again?”
“Seventeen” croaks out Jeff.
“Unfortunately under Ohio State law that classifies you as an adult who can be tried in regular court.”
So no juvenile court for you, sadly enough. We are going to make this very brief. Where is my son?”
“Please Mr. Anderson, I don’t want to go to prison! I’ve seen Shawshank redemption!” wailed Jeff.
“I understand, son, and I will do all in our power to try to ask for clemency from the court. Unfortunately, your fellow Warblers David and Wes will have to serve minimum sentences, there is no mercy for them, there is nothing I can do for them. But in your case…”
“I’ll give you all the information you want! Blaine and Kurt are at the Gaga concert as we speak…I even know the name of the motel that Blaine booked for the evening…”
“Blaine reserved a motel room?”
“Well yes, he said he was going to surprise Kurt with it. I think David and Wes helped , it’s right that they’re going to prison. They deserve it! They brainwashed the rest of us. And sir, I never believed for a second Blaine’s portrayal of you as an anal retentive stick in the mud dictator who was depriving his son of any genuine happiness. I didn’t even want to put on all this gell and sing solo. I’m happy just do-wopping in the background.” By now Jeff was sobbing so much that even Mr. Anderson felt sorry for him.
ANGER.
DENIAL.
ANGER
ACCEPTANCE.
ANGER.
ANGER.
RETRIBUTION.
*********************
“So help me if he was any younger I’d take Blaine across my knee…”
“I hear ya Bradley. It still might do him a world of good.” Burt was more then a little amused by Mr. Anderson’s frustration.
“How could he lie to me like this? The deception! And the thought that he thinks me a manipulated gullible fool who is a pushover for sentimental pap, who doesn’t have the capacity to see through his ruse!”
“You have to be honest, it was a brilliant plan and the boys and their friends nearly pulled it off” chuckled Burt. “Boys will be boys.”
“True, it was ingeniously evil”.
“The problem is , they didn’t pull it off, so unfortunately the boys are going be in a world of pain before we are through with them. We just have to keep our heads about it and not lose our tempers.”
“Um, Burt, I don’t know how to tell you this, but the boys had booked a motel room for the evening.”
“What???”
“Well, actually Blaine booked it.”
“Damn it Bradley, can’t you put a leash on that houndog son of yours? He was going to take advantage of Kurt, my poor Kurt!”
“Excuse me, but aren’t these Kurt’s concert tickets that they are using?. If you had taken the time Burt to make sure that your son wasn’t going, we wouldn’t be in this predicament. I wonder if Kurt’s influence has had a bad effect on Blaine. ”
“I’m sorry, Bradley but Kurt isn’t the one who got a sleazy motel room and probably a case of cheap beer to seduce Kurt with. Your son really is a slut isn’t he??”
“You’re treading on thin ice Mr. Hummel…What happened to ‘boys will be boys’?”
“And when I think how your son manipulated me to give Kurt a father to son sex talk…Son of a bitch!!!.”
“What? I thought that was your own idea. My son had to twist your arm to do that? Some “father of the year” you’ve turned out to be , Burt.!”
“You know, we need to calm down. It’s makes no sense getting angry at each other. We both know where our anger should be directed, don’t we?”
“Most definitely, Burt. Is it wrong I want Blaine to never forget this evening?”
“Nah, it’s just being a father..”
****************************************
Was that a concert, or was that a concert, Blaine?? I could swear Lady Gaga was making eye contact with me all during Paparazzi. We bonded. And the backstage talk with her afterwards..did you notice how she called me her Lima little monster? There was a such a connection between us..
Well, I don’t know about that, but that was one heckuva show. Sure beats the gig I had scheduled at the nursing home. I’m wondering if I could incorporate some of Lady Gaga’s choreography in a Warbler number.
“I can’t see David or Wes becoming little monsters, or most of the Warblers for that matter.”
“Shutup!…I can just see you lifting some of those dance moves already and using them for New Directions.
“Say Kurt, I was thinking…since both the Warblers and New Directions have our back, we really don’t have to drive home tonight…”
Kurt looked at Blaine warily “Really Blaine? Are you really such a cheap date that all it takes is Lady Gaga to make you my love slave?
Blaine blushed. “ I got a room.”
Kurt blushed. “Well, since our friends have our back..” Geeze all it took was Gaga.
“Hey is there someone by our car?”
“Your imagining things Blaine..”
Kurt finally turns on his phone and it buzzex with incoming messages. “My phone is flooded with text messages. I ‘m sure all the ND kids want me to give them an update on the concert!”
Kurt, the Gig is up. Finn sold you down the river to your dad.
-Mercedes
Just run, Dude, Run..
-Finn
Thanks so much Kurt for getting me grourded by my dads, it’s so unfair.
I’m very disappointed, very disappointed.
William Scheuster
"Blaine , are you OK?..you look pale."
Son I love you but there is nothing I can do. Just throw yourself on the mercy of your father.
Mom.
I hope the concert was worth it. Blaine, you owe me big time.
Your former friend David.
“OK, it’s not a dream. It is both our dads are waiting by our car in the parking lot and they don’t look happy.”
Uh..Kurt …is it a bad sign that your dad is screaming “Get your ass over here now, Kurt?”
“Well, yes, it’s a very, very bad sign.”
Kurt turns and faces his boyfriend and tries to maintain a calm and measured speaking voice:
“Blaine, don’t take this wrong but should we make you responsible for having dragged me to the concert against my will?”
“What?!”
Hear me out. I mean , we’ve already established that your dad thinks very highly of me. What purpose would it serve to change his opinion? It would be cruel to shatter his illusions. He already thinks you’re too impulsive and rash, so why not just take the fall for both of us? After all you did get a motel room.”
“You’re going down with me, Kurt! Make no mistake of that…!!”
“So much for all your talk of ‘courage’, Blaine!”
***********************************************
Dear Mr. Anderson:
We regret to inform you that we have had to rescind our offer for you to play the lead in the new King’s Island production of “Disney’s Aladdin.”
Since you are not able to make the rehearsal schedule due to transportation issues, namely the bus schedule from Westerville does not coincide with our rehearsal times, it is something that cannot be reconciled. We cannot accommodate even a lead soloist if it means inconveniencing the rest of the cast because you don’t have access to a car. Missing rehearsals due to the fact that, to quote you directly, “My father is an unreasonable heartless tyrant” doesn’t address failure to live up to the conditions of your engagement with us.
However, we are having open auditions for our next production, a musical extravaganza based upon Disney’s “The little Mermaid.” Open tryouts are one day, next Saturday at 3:00 PM.
Brad Evanston
King’s Island Entertainment Division
*******************************************
Dear Dad,
I appreciate your answering my emergency email while you are on this business trip. Have I mentioned yet how much I appreciate your guidance, counsel, but most of all your loving compassion as a father?
By some strange coincidence the next tryout for a role was I born to play, and which I have harbored dreams all year, a lead in the “little Mermaid” is within my grasp. I have sent you an MP3 Recording of my rendition of “Part of you world”. You can see the heartfelt Anderson effort I have put into this. As a loving father I’m sure you are not made of stone , and I apologize for my last outburst in your presence. I was momentarily in shock in having my car repossesed, so to speak. And believe me, I do have a deeper appreciation for our unsung public transportation system.
In an ironic turn, the audition for “The Little Mermaid” starts precisely one hour after my time period for being grounded has expired and my car privileges are restored. Surely you can see that lifting my restriction by simply one hour will make your son extremely happy, since I know I will nail the audition and make you a very proud father.
Your loving son,
Blaine Anderson.
PS… Think of the joy of mother on seeing me perform and of her disappointment if I don’t get the part. And I did tell you how I can’t explain the inexplicable lapse in judgement I had , not that I’m blaming Kurt at all, but there were threats , cajoling , and , yes, tears, to which all my defenses crumbled. Not that I am putting blame on anybody but myself. But I did mention that David and Wes expressly wished for a scouting report on Lady Gaga numbers??
Did I mention how much I love you?
**********************
Dear Mr. Anderson:
We regret to inform you that we cannot change the schedule for the auditions to the little Mermaid to accommodate your circumstances.
It is unfortunate as I’ve heard your voice and I thought you the ideal candidate for the role. In fact there are some talent scouts who will be there at the opening performance looking for candidates for summer King Island productions, as well as joint productions with Six Flags corporations for their theme parks. Perhaps next year. AS they say in show biz, the show must go on.
In addition, we received a certified letter from your father informing us that if you show up, it is without his explicit permission. The wording of his letter was very strong, to say the least.
And please Mr. Anderson, no further pleading voice mails to our answering service. The emotional display is a little unsettling. Some of our personnel have been moved to tears by your plight and it is lowering morale around here.
Regretfully.
Brad Evanston
King’s Island Entertainment Division
*********************
“Tina it was heartbreaking . You know that beautiful Alexander McQueen overcoat that Kurt had on lay- away at Saks?”
Oh my God, not that gorgeous cream colored cashmere coat that Kurt had been eying for months ?”
“The very one.”
“Tina, “ and Mercedes was now sobbing…”Mr. Hummel cut off Kurt’s credit line on his card. The coat is gone…it’s gone.”
“NO!!”
“Kurt was so brave today. I went with him as he sang “It’s as if we never said Goodbye” while the coat was put back into the clearance rack. Kurt tried to be so gallant but in the end there were tears.”
“Many tears?”
“Enough that I had to tell him to man up at the end…Geeze that boy…!.”
**********************
I cannot believe I was grounded by my Dads! Me! Rachel Berry who is the apple of my fathers’ eyes. I am their princess, the pride and joy of their existence.!
“Whatever Rachel, what can the Puck man do for you?”
“Well, strangely enough , you were the only New Edition member not punished by their parents.”
“Actually, I’m such a badass that this was a good behavior night for me as far as my mother was concerned..”
“Well I need you to talk to my dads and convince them that I had nothing to do with Kurt’s duplicitous ruse to trick his father. My dads have said that my privileges are revoked because of my involvement in the plot. Appeal to them as a fellow Jew and lie through your teeth for me Puck.!”
“Well, it was all your idea, Rachel. But how did your dads find out?”
“It was Kurt and Blaine, they sold me down the river!!”
“Figures.”
****************************
“I cannot believe David that you are going to stand me up for our date. Just break your new curfew for goodness sake. Whose ever heard of someone restricted to only 20 minutes of free time on weekdays? In Lima Heights’ we knows how to get things done. And stop pleading I am not going to give you a second chance. This Latina mango was yours for the tasting but now it is gone, and the fruit juices will never be a Dalton teenage memory to cherish for the rest of your life.
For God’s sake, stop sobbing on the phone. Your life is not over! And stop saying, ‘Damn Blaine Anderson to hell.’ It’s so annoying.”
***************
Your know Lord Tubbington, I feel so sad for New Directions and the Warblers. They seem so bummed out with all their new restrictions and punishments. But really, Kurt and Blaine were not right in trying to trick their poor dads even if it was for Lady Gaga. And I do think Blaine is a bit of a slut. Was I wrong Lord Tubbington in calling up Mr. Anderson and letting him know where Blaine was supposed to be performing?